Ever heard the expression that says the written word is a lie? It's bullshit.
I'll let that sink in for a few more moments...
And off we go! History tends to record the versions of events agreed upon by
those who were fortunate enough to record them and then silence anybody who
disagreed. Thus we get the false assertion that the Catholics were the first
Christians or that Columbus was the first European to step foot on the American
continent. In that wondrous tradition, we also get the enormous pile of rubbish
known as "Thanksgiving," the supposed day when a group of well-meaning English
settlers met an even more well-meaning group of Native Americans and they chowed
down peacefully on cranberries and pumpkin pie.
Historically speaking, there is little proof that an actual Thanksgiving Day
feast took place at all. In fact, a day of "giving thanks" to the fanatical
Pilgirms usually involved fasting. And the wonderful, devout and loving
Christians seeking religious freedom? They were actually a group of such extreme
fanatics that their obnoxious and vehement opposition to any other lifestyle
created such hatred in their fellow English that it forced them to flee for
So, instead of a wide-eyed group of optimistic settlers, what we really had was
a wild-eyed group of dangerous religious whackos looking to establish God's
kingdom on Earth. An attitude, by the way, whose insanity has filtered down
throughout the centuries into the evangelical protestants we know and love and occasionally
elect to the office of President to this day.
We do know for a fact that these God-squatters were ill-prepared for the weather
when they arrived on Plymouth Rock. We also know that the Wampanoag Indians were
the only reason they survived. Whether or not an actual sit-down feast occurred
where Indians were allowed to dine with whites (unlikely considering they were
viewed as both heathens and savages) the fact is that the survival techniques
taught to the Pilgrims are the only thing that aided them in surviving. By the
way, approximately half of them didn't survive .
Historians also tend to agree that the actual feast, which might have lasted as
long as 3 days with or without Indians, most likely occurred at the end of
October and not November, which is conveniently one month from the Eurocentric
Christian holiday known as Christ-Mass, the day a kid was born whose name would
be used to justify what happened the following year.
Now that the Pilgrims had the survival techniques they needed to establish God's
Kingdom, it was time to expand. Sadly, those pesky original inhabitants took
issue with the whole "God hath decreed this land unto us" thing and bloody
battles ensued. Being both Christians and Europeans of the 1600's, they
naturally blamed the Indians for their unreasonable reaction to being invaded
and responded in kind. Besides, the Pilgrims had the last laugh what with all
those marvelous exotic diseases they brought with them to help build the Kingdom
So this Thursday, what we will be giving thanks for exactly? The fact that a
group of lunatic religious nuts were able to survive and influence the formation
of the only Free World nation with antiquated religious views that persist into
the 21st Century? The fact that an indigenous people were systematically wiped
out "'cause they weren't doin' nothin' with the land no-how?" Ooo! I've got! We
should be thankful that we were lied to about an event that probably never even
happened, the same way blacks were told the Civil War was about slavery!
Did I mention that large celebratory feasts in those wonderful days were often
held in honor of a victorious slaughtering of Indians in the name of Manifest
So by all means, let us give thanks.
Thanks, finally, that the truth is known~