Wednesday, November 23, 2011


(Reprinted from the blog of my alter-ego "Scribe" from 2007)

Ever heard the expression that says the written word is a lie? It's bullshit.

I'll let that sink in for a few more moments...

And off we go! History tends to record the versions of events agreed upon by

those who were fortunate enough to record them and then silence anybody who

disagreed. Thus we get the false assertion that the Catholics were the first

Christians or that Columbus was the first European to step foot on the American

continent. In that wondrous tradition, we also get the enormous pile of rubbish

known as "Thanksgiving," the supposed day when a group of well-meaning English

settlers met an even more well-meaning group of Native Americans and they chowed

down peacefully on cranberries and pumpkin pie.

Historically speaking, there is little proof that an actual Thanksgiving Day

feast took place at all. In fact, a day of "giving thanks" to the fanatical

Pilgirms usually involved fasting. And the wonderful, devout and loving

Christians seeking religious freedom? They were actually a group of such extreme

fanatics that their obnoxious and vehement opposition to any other lifestyle

created such hatred in their fellow English that it forced them to flee for

their lives.

So, instead of a wide-eyed group of optimistic settlers, what we really had was

a wild-eyed group of dangerous religious whackos looking to establish God's

kingdom on Earth. An attitude, by the way, whose insanity has filtered down

throughout the centuries into the evangelical protestants we know and love and occasionally

elect to the office of President to this day.

We do know for a fact that these God-squatters were ill-prepared for the weather

when they arrived on Plymouth Rock. We also know that the Wampanoag Indians were

the only reason they survived. Whether or not an actual sit-down feast occurred

where Indians were allowed to dine with whites (unlikely considering they were

viewed as both heathens and savages) the fact is that the survival techniques

taught to the Pilgrims are the only thing that aided them in surviving. By the

way, approximately half of them didn't survive .

Historians also tend to agree that the actual feast, which might have lasted as

long as 3 days with or without Indians, most likely occurred at the end of

October and not November, which is conveniently one month from the Eurocentric

Christian holiday known as Christ-Mass, the day a kid was born whose name would

be used to justify what happened the following year.

Now that the Pilgrims had the survival techniques they needed to establish God's

Kingdom, it was time to expand. Sadly, those pesky original inhabitants took

issue with the whole "God hath decreed this land unto us" thing and bloody

battles ensued. Being both Christians and Europeans of the 1600's, they

naturally blamed the Indians for their unreasonable reaction to being invaded

and responded in kind. Besides, the Pilgrims had the last laugh what with all

those marvelous exotic diseases they brought with them to help build the Kingdom

of God.

So this Thursday, what we will be giving thanks for exactly? The fact that a

group of lunatic religious nuts were able to survive and influence the formation

of the only Free World nation with antiquated religious views that persist into

the 21st Century? The fact that an indigenous people were systematically wiped

out "'cause they weren't doin' nothin' with the land no-how?" Ooo! I've got! We

should be thankful that we were lied to about an event that probably never even

happened, the same way blacks were told the Civil War was about slavery!

Did I mention that large celebratory feasts in those wonderful days were often

held in honor of a victorious slaughtering of Indians in the name of Manifest


So by all means, let us give thanks.

Thanks, finally, that the truth is known~

1 comment:

Dark Elf Designs said...

Likely the first Thanksgiving probably when something like this...

Jebediah: Hoss, I'm so Hungry them injuns are starting to look tasty.

Hoss: I know whatcha mean.

(Meanwhile the indians only a camp away)

Sacomoga: Hm, pale-face has dangerous look in his eye Maybe we should help feed them Chingatchmok?

Chingatchmok: Yes but lets feed them wild turkey, it's powerful magic (triptofan) will make the pale-face docile so he doesn't try anything foolish.

(back with the pilgrims)

Hoss: Here coem them Injuns Jebediah! and their bringing food!

Jebediah: Hmm, could be a trick better give them lots of wine so they are docile and don't try anything foolish.

The party commenced with feasting on Turkey other goods and Alcohol aplenty. They were giving much thanks that neither tried to kill the other, but mostly because they fell fast asleep while watching football.