BAD REVIEW

 

Nothing peps me up more than discovering a negative review of my work. It's even better when it somehow slipped under my RADAR for five years, as was the case with a review on Amazon from a guy in India whose screen name is "Perceptive Reader." Clearly a humble, self-aware individual, Mr. Reader found the majority of the stories in the third book of the "Use Enough Gun" anthology beneath his contempt, at least judging by the way he dismissed them with such in-depth analysis as "Crap," "Meh" and the ever-reliable, "Rubbish."

If you've ever met one of those people who disdain every movie they see by claiming there wasn't enough character development, you've probably also suspected that they didn't really know what that phrase meant. Similarly, whenever someone uses buzzwords such as, "Overwritten," or "longish," one wonders if the reviewer is more in love with their ability to sound knowledgeable and too hip for the room. It's difficult to say. We weren't all taught to give reasons for our opinions, nor were we all taught to eschew buzzwords when we do. So, perhaps there's little point in trying to understand the mindset of a man whose reaction to 80% of an anthology was so hostile.

I defy anyone to read the opening paragraph of Perceptive's review and not either chuckle or shake their head. Not to review the review, but come on! Phrases such as, " ...nod sagely while procrastinating about increasing paranoia among the hoi-polloi, in these days of connectivity and terrorism" are clearly meant to be taken seriously but is that even possible? It isn't for me but your mileage may vary.

My short story "Arrival" happens to be one of my favorite stories I've ever written. It is the sequel to "Emergence," which appeared in "Monster Hunter Legends Both Barrels" also published by Emby Press. That doesn't mean I expect everyone else to love it. It's a rather specific type of story, one that combines elements of classic comic books, horror and religious fanaticism. There's no reason to assume Mr. P. Reader would find that even remotely fascinating. I would love to know why he considered it crap, however, as I'll bet many of the other authors whose works were dismissed in like fashion would also.

Alas, there are no answers to be found in this case. P.R. either didn't feel the need to elaborate or that his simplistic reactions spoke volumes. I will close by adding this one nugget of hoped-for wisdom:

Reviews such as these help no one. They serve no one. They say nothing except "Lookit me being all edgy and stuff." No writer learns from the experience in a way that either helps them grow and improve and, in fact, some probably shrink away from the writing for publication world, discouraged and convinced that their Imposter Syndrome was the real thing. And while I know this is a tough field and that people who can't take harsh criticism need not apply, I also feel strongly that irresponsible reviews such as the one in this post are detrimental and destructive to the overall discourse.

So in spite of myself, I will review P. Reader's review with my own one-word choice: Idiotic.

Things That Make Me Wonder Why I Even Bother...

Here it is, the dumbest thing I've seen since the last dumbest thing!

And in case you're thinking that's somebody's satirical design, there is an actual book by an actual author that you can order by clicking here.

I don't usually single out what I consider bad ideas but some people take the "write what you know" axiom too far! But of course readers with lower levels of expectation will flock to these types of gimmicky tales, especially if they feel it represents a group that has not been acknowledged in the genre...such as soccer moms. An this ain't your average, Karen-haircut-sportin', manager-demanding, throw a fit when Starbucks is out of her favorite drink soccer mom. This one is straight out of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer mold.

It's one of those ideas I'll readily admit having had at least once before ultimately dismissing it as derivative and lacking in the potential for genuine drama. But that's me. We've already established that I am unnecessarily hard on myself when it comes to striving for originality and avoiding tropes. Obviously I don't always succeed, but when something is so ludicrously on the nose, it gets discarded quickly and tossed in the embarrassment bin with its poorly wrought brethren. However, ideas are but one component of the fiction-creating process. What about the writing?

Fortunately, there is a sample provided of "Blackrose" prose. I read most of chapter one. It certainly isn't terrible, although the dialogue's sole purpose seems to be to give us all the backstory that would be better provided in descriptive paragraphs interspersed with dialogue. Of course, I'm looking through the eyes of a writer and editor, not an escape seeking soccer mom who simply wants easily understood adventure. And that is the audience here.

So, even though I think it's a dumb idea and am unimpressed with its execution, the book has thirteen positive reviews...all written by women who look like they could be the lead character, but still. She has successfully tapped into a demographic that likes what she's doing. If you're writing specifically for entertainment, what more could you hope for?

A better idea and a more demanding readership, that's what.