Tuesday, February 24, 2009

FINISH THE DAMN SENTENCE (Swiped from Priscilla)

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss......What does this mean? Am I supposed to be analyzing kisses? What kind of turd-like robotic creature does that? Sad.

2. I am listening to... The insipid, whiney sounds of customers with unrealistic expectations who somehow seem pleased with their experiences when they are finished talking to me.

3. I talk......But no one really listens.

4. I love......But no one really believes it.

5. My best friend......Showed himself to be quite the stand-up guy recently.

6. My first real kiss...Transported me to a land populated by leprechauns and talking bunny rabbits, where the light of the world was sparked by the smiles of the happy people and nowhere was their pain or suffering. Then I had my first sexual experience and everybody was disappointed.

7. Love is......A closing door. That's a line from a song I wrote some years ago. If you're wondering about the next line, it rhymes with door, refers to a woman who performs sex acts for money, and is preceded by the word "lying."

8. Marriage is......What people make of it which, from observation, is something truly annoying and cult-like, especially if you're a member of Degeneration-X and below.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking....... "Chris Nadeau undertstands me. He really gets me. Some day I'm going to hide under his bed and cut off his skin so I can wear it and we can become one. But first, would you like fries with that?"

10. I'll always be grateful for......The little things that make life worth living. The old lady sliding on the ice whose feet fly upwards at an angle as she hits the ground, mostly unhurt. Roadkill and the fascinaing stains it leaves in my street during seasonal changes. Neo-cons and their insane ramblings that make mine sound so much more rational. Organized religion, because it breeds the sort of discontent I require for my anarchy movement. Oh, and movie theater popcorn!

11. The last time I really cried was because...... I was relieved that she wasn't still in bed with me in the morning. Ba-dump-dump! Honestly, I was drunk so I don't remember the exact reason: I think it had something to do with the fact that I couldn't feel my extremities and I was dangling from the back of a turnip truck on the interstate. But I won't bore you with the rest of a story to which everyone can relate.

12. My cell phone........ kicks ass! And I'm not just saying that because I work for the company that sells it, I'm also saying it 'cause I don't wanna lose my job!

13. When I wake up in the morning......My feet hurt.

14. Before I go to bed...... I like to read. Some day perhaps someone will teach me how.

15. Right now I am thinking about....another blogger.

16. Babies are...... demonic beings whose true purpose is to enslave the human race and then morph into the very slaves they're creating. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!!! NORA!!!

17. I get on Myspace...... and shake my head in disgust.

18. Today I..... am alone with my thoughts; get the turnip truck ready.

19. Tomorrow I will be.... listening to the insipid, whiney sounds of customers with unrealistic expectations who somehow seem pleased with their experiences when they are finished talking to me

20. I really want to be.....at peace.

21. Someone that will most likely repost this is...... Hopefully Nora, my colleague and drinking buddy.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


If you’re any kind of student of history, you may have seen some of the old Depression Era short films and advertisements. The former tended to portray strength and adversity in light of huge odds while the latter tended to reflect functionality and moderation. It frightens me to think that, in some ways, we as a society had more common sense in the days when open segregation and discrimination were the norm, but I can’t help but feel that way when I watch daytime television.

Due to my work schedule, I have Tuesdays off right now and so am able to bear witness to the horror that is daytime TV. Programming geared toward soccer moms, which seems to completely ignore retirees fills the TV screens from about 9:00a.m. until 5:00p.m. daily.

The other day I happened upon a soap opera and paid attention to some of the ads. What struck me most was their frequency. The same commercials must have run three times apiece in the time I watched, which comprised less than an hour overall. The content of those ads was, in my opinion, reprehensible and irresponsible.

In keeping with the modern American mentality of ignoring reality in favor of material gain, these ads glorified the idealized soccer mom with too much free time on her hands giddily shopping and indulging her every urge. Never mind that the barbarians are at the gates, these women are driving gas guzzling SUV’s while sporting sensible hairdos and grinning from ear to ear.

Frankly, it was disgusting. I realize the soap opera programming block is designed to appeal to the fantasy lives of mostly female audiences while presenting them with enough tragedy to feel good about themselves, but must the ads portray a world of obnoxious excess in a nation suffering an unsure economic future? Is there an argument to be made that, as former Executive-in-Chimp Dubya said, we just need to keep shoppin’ and everything will get better? No.

It should be obvious to anyone with a modicum of intelligence that nothing trickles down in hard times. The rich don’t spend and when they don’t spend, it falls to those of us in the middle class to pick up the tab. The poor sure as hell can’t do it, although Rush Limbaugh would love to tax them anyway, according to his “Tax the Poor” initiative.

Sadly, the middle class is often the forgotten stepchild of American society. As generally strong earners who can’t stop working, middle class people are encouraged to support a rather demented economy with ads that make people think they need non-essential goods. As if that isn’t enough, there is a strong undercurrent of unrealistic opportunity that had no small part in the current state of affairs.

But let’s forget about the pursuit of giant screen TV’s and get rich quick real estate scams for a moment. Let’s put aside the fact that advertising for SUV’s and min-vans was so successful it derailed the automotive industry as soon as the inevitable increase in gas prices took place. Let’s instead focus on the here and now.

The here is the aforementioned United States with the uncertain future, and the now is a situation where people have only begrudgingly accepted that sad fact. Instead of a “we’re in this together” approach to the problem, we get splintered, fragmented reactions ranging from panic to denial.

I waited until now to mention the fact that we are also at war. It doesn’t matter whether you think it is a just war or not. During World War II, people understood the need for sacrifice and commonality. There were conscientious objectors even then, although nowhere near as many as Iraq has created. We rationed back then. We had posters advising us to refrain from excessive spending and usage of materials and we did.

Since then, we’ve mutated into a consumer culture. Americans no longer value moderation and public service. It’s all about what we can get, how much the world owes us, and what we can hold onto when times are hard. And what of those who should know better? What are they doing?

Isn’t it obvious? They’re reaping the benefits of our stupidity and arrogance. They know us better than we know ourselves. They see the hollowness in our eyes and hear the lack of conviction in our words. They prey upon our desires and disregard our needs. Maybe there’s a conspiracy involving government and large corporations and maybe there isn’t. Either way, nothing can take place without our consent or inaction.

If nobody says anything, it didn’t really happen. If nobody complains, it is assumed we don’t have a problem with what’s happening. We can’t have it both ways. We can’t complain about the economy and then indulge our excesses.

Advertisers should be ashamed of themselves, but so should we~

Wednesday, February 4, 2009



Not as easy as you might think!

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk

2. Your hair? Vanishing

3. Your mother? Missed

4. Your father? Tragedy

5.. Your favorite thing? Reading

6. Your dream last night? Nothing

7. Your favorite drink? Coffee

8. Your dream/goal? Bestseller

9. What Room are you in? Office

10. Your hobby? Demagoguery

11. Your fear? Mediocrity

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Nirvana

13. Where were you last night? Library

14. Something that you aren’t? Annoying

15. Breakfast? Rarely

16. Wish list item? Royalties

17. Where you grew up? Michigan

18. Last thing you ate? Diunner

19. What are you wearing? Sweater

20. Your TV? Antiquated

21. Your pets? Entertaining

22. Friends? Generous

23. Your life? Evolving

24. Your mood? Eh

25. Missing someone? Yep

26. Your car? Massive

27. Something you’re not wearing? Thong :(

28. Your favorite store? Borders

29. Your favorite color? Blue-Green

30. When is the last time you laughed? Earlier

31. Last time you cried? 2008

32. Who will resend this? jesus

33. One place that I go to over and over? Work

34. One person who emails me regularly: Minister Faust, 'cause he loves me so. Shit, I broke the one-word rule.

35. Favorite place to eat: Udipi

36. One place I would like to go right now? Japan

37. One person I think will respond: Irrelevant

38. One TV show I watch all the time: Lost

Pretty lame, I know. Blame the "recovering Baptist" from whom I stole this. Until my book is out, I don't really have much else to say~