Script Update.

I've never written anything timely before, at least nothing that comes to mind. That changed recently with the challenge I received to write a whistleblower script for someone with the ability to get it produced. You can read all about that by clicking here.

Having never written a satirical script for hoped for immediate production, I was understandably nervous when I submitted it. Then I received the following response:


"Oh my God I just finished reading it. I loved it. I already have people in mind for different roles."

Well, that was a relief! I can't imagine what I would have done with what I consider to be a very funny 15-page examination of how stupid politics have become if she had hated it.

By the way, one of those people she had in mind for a role? He's typing this post.

More on that and a link to the Patreon excerpt tomorrow!

Brief Hiatus.

Come down off the ceiling, dear readers. The above post title is not in reference to this blog. It's in reference to the new one which can be viewed by clicking here.

Due to personal issues that would cause a lesser man to curl up in a ball in the corner of his bedroom and weep while singing a sad Irish ballad, my co-blogger is unable to fulfill his duties as snarky pop culture commentator...for the moment.

Rest assured all the crap with which he is dealing will be resolved soon and the page will be up and running.

Until then, here's a picture of a guy who loves himself a little too much for your entertainment pleasure:

The Something I Warned You About

 A few days ago, I mentioned something new coming in 2019. Well, click here to see it in all its anticlimactic glory!

Who knows if it will last? Who know if anyone will care? Who knows if we have the attention spans to sustain it? Only time will tell.


(And yes, Tim, guest reviews will be included at some point)

Bill Maher's Predictible Reaction.

Last week, I posted my thoughts on Bill Maher's response to the way people were reacting to the death of the beloved face of Marvel Comics and movies, Stan Lee. In that piece I discussed how any hostile response to what he wrote would only fuel Maher's resolve that he was indeed correct about comics being useless, disposable kiddie fare. Well, never one to disappoint when it comes to showing his ass in the most misguided manner possible, Maher did what Maher does and dug in.

In an interview with Larry King, who I thought was long gone from the airwaves, he said,
"...I don’t read comic books. I didn’t even read them when I was a child. What I was saying is: A culture that thinks that comic books and comic book movies are profound meditations on the human condition is a dumb fucking culture. And for people to, like, get mad at that just proves my point.”

As I mentioned in my previous post, Maher believes intellectualism has a narrow definition. And apparently inconsistencies are irrelevant.

For instance, Maher clearly wrote in his post that pissed off the world, “Now, I have nothing against comic books — I read them now and then when I was a kid and I was all out of Hardy Boys,” he explained. “But the assumption everyone had back then, both the adults and the kids, was that comics were for kids, and when you grew up you moved on to big-boy books without the pictures.” 

The second half of his point is well-taken; until the Eighties, comics were mostly for kids and teens. However, the first part of his point jumps out because he contradicts it in his comments to Larry King when he says he didn't read comics as a child. Clearly Maher is more interested in making a point than in being accurate, so let's move on to that point.

As I wrote before, somewhere buried in his dismissive claptrap is a salient point. You can read or reread that post for more details on what I mean. Still, Maher is hopelessly stuck in the past when it comes to comics. He has no idea what has been done with them in the modern era and, in typical Maher fashion, he doesn't really give a rat's ass. He is right because he is right because he is Bill Maher.

Instead of being a true intellectual and saying to himself, "Wow. Even setting aside the less well-thought out, angry reactions, an awful lot of intelligent people made some rather impassioned and reasoned points. Maybe I should look into this further." Sadly, that would entail the ability to admit one is wrong and to learn new things that challenge the old things we thought we knew.

I suppose that's where the real disappointment lies. Maher was once an entertaining, albeit arrogant comedian and TV host who encouraged open discussion of issues. His snarky jokes were often biting and incisive. Somewhere along the way, he became too full of himself and decided to be the self-appointed guardian of intellectualism, a job for which he is not at all qualified. This could have been his moment. Bill Maher could have actually stepped out of his own ass for once and admitted he was narrow-minded. Even if he'd still mostly stood by what he said, Maher still could have made room for other ways of thinking. By not doing so, he reveals himself to be no better than the conservatives he criticizes on a weekly basis.

Or, y'know, maybe I just proved his point, too.

R.I.P. Burt Reynolds

Burt saw this coming, hence the book "But Enough About Me" but it still hurts to lose one of the iconic actors of my youth. Because of his incredible sense of humor despite all the screwing over he received from Hollywood, the cartoon below is both appropriate and fitting. A fond farewell to the man who chose fun roles over heady ones because that's how he chose to live his life.

I Rate the MCU: Phase Three

And now we come to the end as of now. Since Phase 3 is still in progress, I'm obviously stopping at the most recent film but I will add to it as the later ones are released. This time around, you'll likely notice a diminished enthusiasm and a creeping annoyance in my tone.

Captain America: Civil War- The Law of Diminishing Returns is, as the hipsters say, a "thing" and nowhere is it more obvious than this third Captain America outing. Hats off to Marvel for making a dozen films before this became the case but damn! They really saved it all up for this disappointment. My criticisms are numerous, yet the real irony is that I can still find enough enjoyment in this movie to watch it from time to time. Still, it's an over-crowded mess filled with sub-plots galore, absurd contrivances and easily the most anti-climatic showdown in the franchise's history. The much touted battle royale between titans is reduced to little more than a stalling action for the main plot and a parking lot brawl with little actual consequence. Iron Man 2 is often maligned for being an obvious franchise bridge yet for whatever reason this one gets a pass? Fanboys, I disdainfully shake my head at you!

Doctor. Strange- A brief restoration of sanity and quality to the MCU, this long-awaited origin film featuring Benedict Cumberbatch as the Sorcerer Supreme almost feels like a DC movie, and that's not an insult coming from me. This is a wonderfully absurd piece of thoughtful filmmaking that provides a nice rest for all the obnoxious franchise building going on in the other films. Ironically, this nice break would continue with

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- Something happened on the way to the GOTG sequel. I sat in the theater and loved every minute of it! How, after my unimpressed reaction to the first movie, this one was such a great experience is either a testament to my incredible open-mindedness (Doubtful!) or the fact that James Gunn et. al. improved upon every single criticism I had of the first film and delivered an incredible sequel. I am now a fan of this franchise.

Spider-Man: Homecoming- And here endeth the honeymoon! Marvel spent years trying to finagle the rights away from Sony (who was absolutely destroying Spider-Man with those awful Andrew Garfield movies) and they finally got him, recast him, made him a kid again and threw him awkwardly but enjoyably into the mix in Civil War. Expectations were high for a movie that finally got the character just right and delivered the MCU goods in new and exciting ways. And on paper, it was all there to happen. Tom Holland is a great Peter Parker and Michael Keaton's Vulture was the most refreshing villain since Loki. But then a hit and miss script seemingly more concerned with the trials and tribulations of teenage existence was chosen and what could have been the best MCU movie since the Avengers turned out to be enjoyable but shockingly mediocre.

Thor: Ragnarok: An enjoyable threequel, this Thor installment eschews the melodrama of the previous installment and builds on the humor of the first with mostly satisfying results. Chris Hemsworth knows his character well enough to poke fun at him, although the poking gets a tad obnoxious at times. Tony Stark's influence aside, I often had difficulty with the wacky line deliveries but the story worked and the interplay of the characters sold the film's minor shortcomings.

Black Panther: I really enjoyed the first three fourths of "Black Panther" but the Third Act was a bit of a mess. It didn't make it a bad movie but I do find it mildly overrated. It went from potentially great to sort of hackneyed and cheesy. One thing Marvel keeps doing that bothers me is handing these important films to directors who have never made a big budget film before. Sometimes it pays off, usually it has mixed results and this one was no exception.

Stranger Things as Written By Yours Truly.

I swore I had my final word on this undeservedly popular Netflix series, but some expressed interest in how I would have taken the same concept and written it my way. Since I had such harsh words for the show, what would I have done to make it supposedly better? Well, here goes. I know many won't agree or might even find my changes equal to what was done. So be it. Art is subjective.

A few things I won't include in this piece are things I would have no control over, such as quality of acting, direction and casting. This will only be my suggested fix-its from a writing perspective. I'll begin with the most obvious one:

STORY STRUCTURE- The organizational setup of "Stranger Things" is rather lacking. For one thing, it opens in the wrong place to serve the needs of the plot. Starting with the abduction of a character the audience has not grown to care about at all is a huge misstep. One would think that given eight episodes to develop characters, the Duffer Brothers could have at least given us fifteen minutes of the kid before he disappeared. Even "It," that terrible adaptation of a brilliant novel, was able to let us get to know Georgie before he was killed. And that was within the confines of a two and a half hour movie. Whether or not it was done effectively is irrelevant. The effort was made.

Frankly, the series starts in the wrong place regardless of that little dramatic misfire. I'm no fan of "Something went wrong in the secret laboratory" stories, but the lab is undeniably where all of this starts thematically and should also be where it starts structure-wise. If the Duffers really wanted to create an homage to Eighties horror and science fiction, they should have known to start their show in that laboratory. Actually witnessing Eleven's escape would have made here a more interesting character and would have set the tone for the weirdness to come. She could have run into the character of Will, they could have had a brief interaction, then he could have disappeared. Early on both of them would have been established as people the audience should care about instead of two separate incidents with a nary an emotional investment between them.

Also, the plot should have been expanded to justify the amount of episodes. At a mere eight episode run, this show should have been so chockful of story that them Duffer Boys could barely tell it in the time allotted. Instead, what we got was a show so thinly plotted it contained not one by two episodes of filler featuring characters sitting around discussing the plot and their motivations. I don't believe this was an intentional stylistic choice either, considering the overall thinness of the plot.

One way to expand the plot would have been to expand the involvement of the lab workers. Instead of trying to mimic Spielberg's approach to the government agents and scientists in "E.T.," where they were mainly faceless entities as seen through the eyes of children, the Duffers missed a real opportunity to go from archetypes to genuine human characters. It doesn't work here because there are too many non-kid characters.

FOCUS- This rivals story structure in its wrong-headedness. Let me begin by saying I know what the Duffer Boys were trying to do. It's rather obvious, so the kids make sense when considering the influences the creators are attempting to channel. Without criticizing their acting, it's difficult to fault their presence, but here's a story-centric reason for saying they should not have been the focus of the story. If you remove Eleven's interactions with them from the story, the kids literally serve no purpose except to remind us of older, better movies in the same genre. They do nothing except hide her from the Big Bad Lab Folks until the inevitable showdown scenes. They're not particularly interesting or likable and their entire sub-plot could be removed without scarcely a minor inconvenience to the overall plot-line.

Fans of Eighties B-movies know that teens were usually the main characters. Not old enough to have total freedom but definitely old enough to figure things out and handle themselves physically, they're the perfect protagonists to face the unknown. The teens in "Stranger Things" are among the show's few strengths and they should have been, if not front and center, certainly more prominent. Instead of having the kids hide Eleven, the story would have been better served having the teens do it. There could still have been a kid or two present, but the story would have been tighter with this simple change.

No character on this show was better than Sheriff Hopper. Perhaps because he's the only character with more than two notes to his personality, he feels authentic and we want to follow him on his quest to find out just what the hell is going on. Clearly he should have been the focal point of the series (I hear his part is horribly diminished in season two) and all the rest should have grown outward from that.

The greatest misfire involves the people at the laboratory. As I mentioned above, they needed to be better developed. This would have shifted some of the focus to them and their admittedly laughable experiment. Perhaps Matthew Modine's character had a real story to tell, one that would have juxtaposed nicely with Hopper's. I don't care if it turns out we learn more about him in the second season. It's lazy writing to not develop your characters to at least the point of not making them background noise.

PLOT- Once we find out what's really going on beginning with episode three, the entire concept is revealed to be quite terrible. First, the trite idea that this evil laboratory opened a doorway into another dimension that's really just an ugly, unimaginative mirror of our own is absurd. It's also home to the dullest monster since the one in "The Relic." It's little more than a mindless, hungry animal. There's simply no way to develop something that lackluster into a compelling antagonist. Also, having it come from a place that's really just our world's reflection makes little sense within the context of the Duffers' own established rules. Why is there no equivalent here? And while some may say the scientist and his cronies served as the real bad guy, they're far too underdeveloped to mean anything except a stumbling block for the heroes to overcome and redshirts for the monster to kill and eat. Also, a less predictable ending that didn't involve Eleven killing the creature and disappearing would have been nice. How about instead, the creature and Eleven are connected or maybe Will was the creature's counterpart in our universe and a true moral quandary resulted as everyone had to decide it killing one meant killing both?

That's it. I'm done with this show now. I've exhausted my fingers on discussing it enough. I won't get into dialogue because I'd need specific examples beyond that ridiculous Stephen King reference. I also won't go into how three teenagers can inflict major VanDamage on the monster but highly trained paramilitary guys are swatted down like flies. Some of these things are just a given in a B  movie after all. But the Duffers had the opportunity to elevate the medium to something much better than its perceived limitations. Instead, they went lower.

Feel free to eviscerate me now!

What to to with this Blog.

With my recent decision/announcement to stop writing for publication, this blog has become a big question mark. What do I do with it? Do I keep it up for for others to read if they happen across it? Do I delete it? Do I continue to update it with my random and oh-so-witty and incisive observations about life and the storytelling arts?

More to the point, does anybody really care? I know people look at these posts. The one about me not writing much anymore ironically received the most views I'd had in a while. But views don't necessarily equate to reading, do theory?

More to the point, do people even care? I know my posts are viewed quite a bit. Perhaps ironically, the one announcing my decision to all but quit writing was viewed more than most have been. But views don't necessarily equate to actually reading, do they? They can, of course, but there's no way to know. I'm okay with that. If even a small percentage of those viewing these posts actually read them, I feel as if I've accomplished something.

So, maybe I should leave it up to the assumed readers.

What should I do with this blog? And please don't answer, "Whatever you want to do!"

ANNOUNCEMENT FOR 2018: It's Been...Something...

All roads end, especially when they lead to nowhere. That realization has woken me up to a great many things lately, and sadly it includes writing. Not that many people care, but I've reached a point where it no longer feels worth it or even fulfilling. This isn't me being dramatic; take a look at the last time I had something published and it should be obvious I've been wrestling with this decision for a while.

As I've been told on several occasions, I attained my dream many times over. I'm not sure what that means but it's what I was told. Writers dream of writing and having people read what they write and of dying at their keyboards or notepads, still writing. At least, that's the stereotypical image of the writer. It probably applied to me at one time, too, but here's what my real dream was:

I was hoping to find those fans of the various genres I enjoy and give them what they were really hoping to see. Anyone who bothered to read my dark literary magazine The Darkness Internal and, more specifically, this editorial should know what that was. And while the magazine did all right for the few issues it ran, I doubt I reached anyone with what I was trying to do on any significant level. That's fine. Literary history is replete with glorious failures and near-misses. Sometimes all one can hope for is to leave a footprint on the surface for those who come next and accomplish a whole lot more.

Unfortunately, the Information Age has turned out to be a big fat turd. Where once I was optimistic that interests and ideas long suppressed and ignored would finally have a platform, now I am convinced that the human race is naught but a herd of grazing livestock desperately searching for someone to herd them off the nearest cliff. Okay, maybe I always suspected as much, but I allowed myself to hope and that was my mistake and no one else's. Perhaps my greatest mistake lies in expecting fandom to be anything except the dying beehive it's been revealed as thanks to social networking and content "writers."

In short, fandom is a cesspool of epic proportions, a pathetic pile of feces populated with self-righteous, provincial imbeciles who have no interest in seeing or reading anything that disrupts their comfort zones. Not everybody is like that, of course, but so many are that it no longer makes a difference. The latest "Star Wars" movie was a revelation because, by daring to invert expectations and drain sacred cows of their life-giving fluid, it exposed so many idiots at once it made the truth undeniable. What is that truth?

Simple: I am wasting my fucking time.

I thought fans of science fiction and fantasy and horror would want to be challenged intellectually, to embrace the various sources of their favorite mythologies rather than simply wallowing in the familiar retold ad infinitum. This is a time when genre is bigger and more popular than ever and, in many ways, it's worse than ever as well. In the mad rush to create the next pop culture water cooler phenomenon, absolute garbage and mediocre silliness is being passed off as quality. Meanwhile, those of us toiling to come up with something unique and genuinely different are deemed un-marketable.

I get it. Nobody wants to read my stuff anymore. I had my brief moment a few years ago but TV and movies, those monolithic crap-creators, have spoken and I am no longer welcome even in the margins. And if that's the case, I'm no longer interested in trying to find a way in. I thought I'd already done that.

So, am I "retiring" completely from writing? It remains to be seen. There are a few unfinished works I should complete before I walk completely away. However, for all intents and purposes, I no longer consider myself a writer. It's been a ride but all rides end, especially when they stop being fun.

Thanks to those of you who read what I put out over the years and to those who published it.

I Rate the MCU: Phase Two

All of you waiting with bated breath after my Phase One list was posted can now relax those nether regions as I launch right into reviewing the Marvel Cinematic Universe's second phase of awesomeness!
(You will see that this is where I start to diverge from the Fanboy Legion)


Iron Man 3- It's weird to put the words "Controversial" and "guy wearing a super-powered suit of armor" in the same sentence, but that's the best way to describe this one. From its darker tone to its portrayal of Tony Stark's PTSD after almost dying in "Avengers," fans had a lot of shit to say about what is actually one of the stronger post-Phase One films. Writer/Director Shane Black reinvents the format here by portraying an even more troubled Tony Stark than the one we saw in the second sequel as he deals with real-world problems. Frankly, if by the third film we aren't seeing more of the alter-ego than the masked hero, it's probably not a good sign, hence the invalidation of the "Tony Stark has a bigger part than Iron Man" criticisms. Even Black's clever sleight of hand with a fake Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) is entertaining and suits the film.

Thor: The Dark World- Another one that gets unfairly dissed, the Thor sequel is one of the stronger entries in the series. Yes, the plot is a tad typical but that's only because there have already been several movies at this point and world-ending threats have become the norm. But these movies are about our connection with the characters and desire to see them persevere.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier- Simply put, this is probably the best movie in the MCU's list of releases so far. Combining the feel of a late Seventies suspense thriller with incredible fight scenes and character moments, the Russo Bros. strike a perfect balance between Marvel's tendency to be too jokey and an edgier, more real-world feel. This is why I wrote previously that the first film is overshadowed. This one is literally as good as the MCU gets...at least so far.

Guardians of the Galaxy. Vol. One- And here it is. The movie that practically caused fanboys and girls alike to have screaming orgasms in the aisles because it was so hip, so cool, so freaking funny! To paraphrase Montgomery Burns, in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. I had numerous issues with this movie, from its obnoxious characters to its low stakes plot and tendency to shit all over decent drama with bad jokes. When I saw this one theatrically, there was a woman in the theater who literally laughed the entire time the movie ran. That was when I realized this film was an example of pre-programming. That alone doesn't necessitate a bad movie, however, and while GOTG certainly doesn't match the classic definition of a bad movie, I found it to be a series of misfires and a blatant attempt to combine Marvel with a Disney sensibility.

Avengers: Age of Ultron- Another film in the series fans love to hate, there is an admittedly compromised feel to the film, but that's not Joss Whedon's fault. Disney/Marvel is to blame. Despite that, this installment is quite a feat. Despite the changes to Ultron's origins and some quirky character reveals (Hawkeye has a wife and kids? Black Widow has it for Bruce Banner?) or perhaps because of them, this film, along with Winter Soldier and Iron Man 3, genuinely feel like sincere efforts to move the franchise into a more adult direction. In many ways, it's a stronger film than its predecessor, especially because the actors know their characters so well at this point, but there's an unfortunate "Been there" feel to the proceedings.

Ant Man- The stories of behind-the-camera turmoil regarding this comparatively small film didn't diminish its success at the box office or as a film. It's a welcome break from all the world-threatening mayhem films, keeping its plot relatively small and the drama more personal. Unlike the more bloated GOTG, the humor works beautifully here and I actually cared about the characters and what was happening.

Next up...Phase Three Finds Amazing New Ways to Disappoint Me...

Ten Things Genre Fiction Needs to Lose in Order to Not Succumb to Irrelevance: A Highly Subjective List

Get your butthurt cream ready, folks 'cause this list is sure to upset hardcore fanboys and girls alike! And to add insult to perceived injury, I'm not going to explain my rationale, mainly because if you're someone who can't conceive of science fiction, fantasy or horror without these elements, you're part of what I dislike about the current direction of that particular field of pop culture, and unlikely to change. Nor am I interested in getting you to do so. Unlike the typical fanatic, I'm fine with my interests and opinions being my own and yours as well.

This list merely fleshes out what I find objectionable, tiresome and obnoxious in the genre. It is by no means a call to arms. So, ease that thumb off that keypad, take a swig of something awful and ignore everything below in favor of your favorite stuff!

10. Vampires.

9. Zombies.

8. Self-referencing pop culture (attempted) parodies.

7. Cinematic superheroes who can't stop spouting one-liners (unless they're Spiderman).

6. YA Dystopia.

5. Main protagonists with Daddy Issues who save the day anyway. (With the exceptions of "All our Wrong Todays" and "How to Live in a Science Fictional Universe."

4. Love of video games being used to tell dull, listless tales of uber-nerds saving the world.

3. Constant depictions of dark, depressing futures where all hope lies in escape.

2. Endless series books that stretch a premise well beyond its breaking point.

1. Heroes, male and fermale alike, who are merely extensions of a sociopolitical agenda (this goes for liberals and conservatives) at the expense of story or, even worse, extensions of the author's self-fulfilling fantasy life.

There. That's it. I'm well aware I probably commit some of the above "sins" at times, although I do try to reinvent the wheel whenever I have to start spinning.

Come at me if you must~

Literary Ignorance at its Finest.

A First Impression Review of "Star Wars: Rogue One"

Two days after "Rogue One" opened, I submitted this review to a movie site I used to write for. Three weeks later it still sat unacknowledged and unpublished, so I removed it and am  publishing it here instead. Please keep in mind these are my initial reactions to the movie and I am planning to go back and see it a second time. This is the first "Star Wars" film I haven't seen more than once within nearly a month of its release, so it should be obvious I was underwhelmed.

A second, likely shorter review, will follow this one once I've given it a second chance.

Review:

Ever since George Lucas sold the Star Wars franchise to Disney for a, in retrospect, ridiculously low sum of $4 billion, equal amounts of fans cried foul and raised their glasses in celebration. What would the House of Mouse do to the beloved space fantasy franchise. Would it be the savior for those who disliked the prequels or would it take a concept that was specific to its creator and start churning out by-the-numbers films every so often?

 

We are now two movies in to the Disney Era and it’s still too soon to answer that question. What we do know is there has been a successful saga relaunch in the form of Episode VII and a stand-alone adventure that appears poised to once again make gobs of money at the box office.  At this point, it’s a built-in moneymaker.  But is it any good?

 

Well, yes. And no.

 

The elements are certainly all there.  The film takes place between Episodes III and IV, at the very end of that twenty-year period where Emperor Palpatine is cementing his hold on the galaxy with the help of his physically and emotionally damaged apprentice Darth Vader.  This is the story of how the Rebellion got ahold of the Death Star plans, eventually succeeding in blowing it to hell and showing the galaxy they meant business.

 

It’s a story many Star Wars fans wanted told.  And in this era of nobody seeming to believe there should be any mystery in life and that every moment and nuance needs to be expanded upon, this was a wise move on Disney’s part regarding launching a stand-alone series of movies.  It’s also painfully unnecessary.

 

Because “Rogue One” isn’t a story that had to be told, it feels suspiciously like fan fiction.  Certainly there’s a different tone to this one; it’s a war movie featuring the requisite disposable characters based around a deadly, hopeless mission that will change the tide of the war. The stakes are suitably high, the battles are executed with great skill and the dialogue is serviceable without being memorable.  So, why isn’t it a better movie?

 

Story- Tony Gilroy who write the first two Jason Bourne movies as well as the stand-alone The Bourne Legacy has never been known for his breakneck pacing. He also tends to take long, unnecessary side-trips in his narratives. And while he is one of two writers of Rogue One’s screenplay, his earmarks are all over it. Thus we get a story that is somehow plodding yet moves too quickly without ever establishing motivations beyond the superficial needs of the Rebellion and the Empire and the supposed main character Jyn Erso (more on her later).

 

Directing- There’s no other way to put this now that he’s been given three chances to prove himself: Gareth Edwards is a sub-par director. He frames his shots well enough, although he tends to have an over-reliance on close-ups during scenes where a larger scope would be more effective. His major fault lies with the performances he gets from his actors. In a word, they’re terrible. Nobody expects Edwards to be a Kubrick or Ridley Scott-type director tormenting his actors with take after take, but Edwards’ takes seem almost Ed Wood-like in the settling that takes place. He also has a rare talent for taking what should be the most exciting portion of a film and rendering it about as interesting as watching C-Span.

 

Casting and Acting- There’s a lot of online chatter about the quality of acting in the Star Wars movies, especially the prequels. However, since this is a completely different type of film in the franchise, it’s fair to judge the acting in it without comparing it to the other Saga films. Felicity Jones is Jyn Erso, the daughter of the scientist whose work and research helped make the Death Star operational. She is supposedly a tough, take-no-crap orphan who was rescued by a militant rebel extremist named Saw Gerra (Forrest Whitaker). Jones is unconvincing and unlikable in the role and never once does it seem like she’s there for anything expect to collect a paycheck. Whitaker is just weird and off-putting. Deigo Luna is flat and uninteresting as Captain Andor, Riz Ahmed is laughably unconvincing as the defecting Imperial with no motivation ever explained, Alan Tudyk as the voice of K-2SO has insured that Jar Jar Binks can no longer be called the most annoying franchise character and Donnie Yen and Jiang Wen steal the show. Basically, with two exceptions, the main rebels stink.

Ben Mendelsohn as Director  Orson Krennic is a wonderful Imperial villain. Mads Mikkelson is utterly wasted as Galen Erso, but that’s clearly an editing issue.

 

Characters- One thing Star Wars movies have always done well is give us characters we care about. Until now. This particular band of doomed rebels is about as interesting as watching Whiteout dry. This is probably the best example of the lazy filmmaking on display here. Obviously it’s assumed that the concept overrides the characters, so even in a film populated by clichés and dullards, the viewer is so consumed with how those Death Star plans were obtained that we’ll all be riveted.

 

Saga Tie-ins- This film is easily the one most filled with fanboy porn. There are more Episode IV cameos than one should expect, from a decidedly creepy Peter Cushing to all the pilots from the original to a certain main character whose CGI appearance at the end if bizarre and jarring. Darth Vader is on hand, although criminally under-utilized, and his appearance adds more bafflement to the story than it clears up. Still one cannot deny the utter coolness of his final scene in the movie.

 

Third Act- Disney demanded some reshoots of this film and it shows. The third act, which should have been a smaller, guerilla warfare conclusion, turns into one of the largest space battles in the franchise’s history. Why is that a huge miscalculation?

 

Inconsistencies- Simply put, this movie goes too big. It should have never been a film with a huge climatic battle sequence. This was supposed to be about a small tactical group of rebels ready to die in service of their cause. Instead, years of Star Wars history is reversed as we suddenly realize there was a pretty sizable rebel fleet before Episode IV. This renders the whole concept of there never having been much of a rebellion until after the destruction of the Death Star meaningless. Not to mention the pedestrian way the whole thing is dealt with at the end of the film. More lazy filmmaking on display. Also, there’s the issue of the prequel-level skillset of Darth Vader on display that is suddenly absent in Episode IV and the inclusion of Mon Mothma who is nowhere to be found during the Battle of Yavin.

 

Ultimately, “Rogue One” is a mediocre side-trip into the Star Wars universe that feels more like watching someone play a video game than a film with any dramatic stakes or relatable moments. It cements Gareth Edwards as a journeyman version of Chris Nolan and reminds us that what makes these movies work isn’t just a bunch of nifty ideas.

Just Call me A Worthy Source for Citation.

This insightful article used one of my Movie Network articles as a reference.