You Can't Invent this Level of Horror!

 Writers of dark fiction love to plumb the depths of the human psyche and the spiritual realm in the hopes of either scaring the absolute crap out of their readers or, if they like to aim a little higher, making some type of hopefully meaningful comment on the human condition and the various masks we wear in our lives. This usually involves a well-developed imagination and a willingness to face our fears that not everyone possesses. We may not always succeed, but our aim is sincere and worthy. However, there are some terrors that defy our best attempts.

May I present to you one such example?

Gaze, dear readers, upon...

The creepiest couple ever!

Okay, she's not really all that creepy. She's more creepy by association. Mr. Cherwenka, however, is the kind of character I would mentally dismiss as too over-the-top, too absurd, and too off-putting to be effective in a work of fiction. It isn't enough that he is an artificial-lifeform real estate investor whose income seems to also involve getting people to pay him to tell them about how he does it. It isn't enough that the back cover of the book pictured above features both he and his spouse half-naked in workout clothes and that his pic looks seriously photo-shopped. 

See for yourselves:

You're probably thinking, "Okay, that's pretty disturbing. Surely that's the whole story and I may now go scrub my eyes and brain with a scouring pad." 

Well, hold on to your SOS pads, because we're just getting started!

You see, Cherwenka claims to be a Born Again Christian whose wealth and success are a direct result of pleasing Jesus. Apparently, all the Christian Messiah requires of his followers is a real estate license and killer abs. In his testimony entitled, "Stripped Bare by the Lord," Cherwenka reveals how he came to be a devout follower of Christ, and it starts with his days as a male exotic dancer. This came about, he says, when some female students at his college dared him to enter a contest where he wound up winning $500.00. He then became a dancer with a male revue at $100.00 per night. Big Money for a college student in the Eighties. 

Cherwenka went on to become rather well-known in the field, appearing on Phil Donahue and Jerry Springer and garnering equal parts admiration and envy, the latter from his fellow male revue dancers who didn't like all the publicity he was enjoying. Of course, he was able to establish a new male revue with dancers working for him, and it was one of them who started Cherwenka on the road to personal salvation. This dancer "gave his life to Christ in 1993" and set about doing what all Evangelical Christians feels they are commanded to do when encountering a non-believer. He actively began preaching the Word. 

In what seems like a steady stream of subtext-filled odd word choices, Cherwenka writes that his former employee was, "going to witness to me hard and heavy." But he wasn't interested in what his friend was peddling, so Cherwenka went through the motions by saying The Sinner's Prayer without actually meaning it. That was when, he claims, God took major umbrage and came down on him like a bag of anvils landing on a bag of rabid cats. 

The male revue began suffering from infighting and a lack of focus, his wife wanted a divorce despite having given him a child, she wound up with pneumonia when she went back into touring as an exotic dancer, and they had a stolen vehicle situation. As far as he is concerned, this was God's way of showing how unamused He was by Cherwenka's insincere and flippant attitude. In his own words, "Times were getting so bad that God put the writing on the wall, 'Either give your life to me or I'm going to take it.'"

God was going to "take" his life if he didn't choose to follow Him.

Sometime later, Cherwenka writes that his religious friend encouraged him to go see a guy with the last name of "Schwartz." Again, I can't make this kind of stuff up! This individual convinced our hero that he was miserable because he was separated from his Creator, the God who had low-key threatened to murder him if he couldn't manage to become a follower. Cherwenka's account of his interaction with Schwartz includes how "unclean" he felt and how he wept like a child as he realized his desire to please his heavenly father.

That didn't stop him from being a male stripper though. At least not right away. There was still Big Money to be made after all. But he did tell his guys the Christmas show was to be the last one. He was Born Again. Saved. A self-described "brand new creation." But somehow one last stripping expo to celebrate Christ's birth was just what the reverend ordered! 

Wiggle it...just a lil' bit...

Hey, he was under contract! It's not as if true believers have been willing to be imprisoned for their faith throughout history. It's all about convenience. And one thing that isn't convenient is knowing where your money is going to come from when you've left your successful career...ahem...behind. 

Thankfully for him, Cherwenka took notice of a foreclosure seminar advertised in the newspaper in 1995. Realizing it's not profiting off of someone else's suffering if you buy the property with the intent of fixing it up, he went for it and failed spectacularly thanks to having been defrauded by a wholesaler. Our hero had expected God to cut him some slack now that he was a devoted Christian but it didn't seem to be working out that way. He was sleeping in the properties he was renovating with no utilities and showering at a truck stop.  Then he went and spoke to a pastor with the last name of, and remember I'm not making any of this up, "Cox."

He...slept in empty houses and showered at...truck stops and visited Pastor Cox...

😕

The pastor ministered to him and asked him how much money he needed. I'm sorry, I need a moment to separate myself from all this subtext!

Talk amongst yourselves...

Okay, I'm back! 

Cherwenka asked, umm, the pastor if God still intervenes in the lives of people in the 21st Century. He asked this in 1996, which makes him either incredibly forward-thinking or someone who forgot what century he was writing about. Either way, kudos. Naturally, Cox believed that God does indeed do that. So, our hero, who felt "compelled" to cut his shoulder-length hair (the last vestige of his dancin' daze, which he maintained because it was a...visual aid for his testimonials?) and then his narrative jumps to him having a nervous breakdown while a radio minister preached the word. Like all self-pitying Christians, he likened himself to Job. To be honest, his story mirrors Job's in some significant ways.

However, Cherwenka received a reprieve in what could very well be a miraculous event. In his own words:

"Tuesday morning I  woke  up  after  sleeping at the  property, and  two huge  trees  on  the side  of the  house  where  I  needed  to put a driveway were  split in  half by lighting (see pictures  below) and  there  is  no other  storm damage  in  the  county! Neither  tree  fell on  the  two houses  I  was  working on, nor  did  I  hear  a noise  in  my sleep. My spirits were  restored  and  GOD’S  greatness  was  in  my presence."

The picture provided does indeed show trees that have been struck by lightning and, if his account is to be believed, is is rather interesting that they were the only thing to be struck in the entire county. That's actually an impressive story.

Since then, Cherwenka got back on his feet and became a successful wholesale real estate guy. According to a quick online search, he and wife Tolla (pictured on the book) married in 2014. His first wife, despite becoming Born Again in 1996, did not stay with him. He views his business as his ministry, mentioning how he finds deals for people as if it has holy significance. But what's really fascinating is how Cherwenka attributes horrible moments in his life to the perfect God he follows in a way that is akin to an abused child excusing his parent's horrible behavior.

For example, one day in 1998 while on his knees playing with his child, he began wondering why he no longer got on his knees to pray. His infant son started choking and the frightened dad had to call 911. The child was eventually fine, but as far his father was concerned, this was God telling him not to "get too comfortable." A year prior, he hired his brother-in-law to do some painting on a property he owned and spoke harshly to him for not getting the job done on time, a move he describes as Un-Christ-like. Never mind that Jesus was reproachful of people not doing what they were supposed to do on at least four occasions. Never mind that nonsense. Cherwenka wound up placing too much gas on a trash fire and burning down an acre of forest. His conclusion? 

"God was telling me to keep my cool to avoid the heat."

No remorse for the burned land or the animals that might have died as a result. The whole thing was just about him.

His child nearly chokes to death and it's God communicating with him. He burns down a section of forest and God is using that to tell him to cool it.

Sadly, a lot of performers are narcissists. This is especially true when those performers are known for what they look like. A person like that who discovers religion would naturally gear it towards his own benefit. And part of that would look like a person trying to help people. This isn't to say that Mike Cherwenka is some sort of freewheelin' sociopath. He may be a lovely human being who truly cares about others. I mean, don't most real estate moguls want you to see what their bodies look like with fewer clothes on?

Source

Hobby Lobby lets Employees go Without Pay and Defies Orders to Stay Closed

In a move that was surely designed to display Hobby Lobby CEO David Green's obvious belief that God appreciates pure evil, a mentality in direct contradiction to all accepted views on Christian theology, the arts and craft superstore has both fired people without benefits due to the Covid-19 pandemic and reopened stores in defiance of it.

Green and his non-essential business have been a study in contradictions since anyone can remember, but this pandemic has really thrown a blacklight on just what a lowlife he is and how his company reflects that. Initially, Hobby Lobby chose to stand firm on not closing no matter what. Why did they do that? Simple. Green's "prayer warrior" wife had a vision from God that arrived in a convenient, three-word catch-phrase that sounded suspiciously like a sales seminar. This inspired Green to send off a memo telling everybody who worked for him that they weren't closing.

Then reality set in and he changed his tune...temporarily. The resultant backlash to Hobby Lobby's decision to resist CDC and WHO guidelines left Green unfazed. In Oklahoma, for example, the company simply redefined "essential" by claiming their corporate office fell under the "cyber security and infrastructure agency" category, which at least one employee annonymously said they do not. 

As far as the stores were concerned, emails such as the one pictured below tell a rather bleak story:

\The language used here is almost fascinating: "This layoff is permanent," stands out in particular. The final sentence is also telling, as it essentially closes the door to the possibility of bringing the person back while wishing them all the best. Thankfully, the entire thing is peppered with standard issue "this hurts me more than it does you" rhetoric to make the (former) employee feel that wondrous combination of dejection and despair.

Yet the story doesn't end there. Being the true-to-life Bentley Little novel that it is, Hobby Lobby, in its serpent-like way, slithered out of the light of reason and compassion to reopen stores in at least two states. Talking points have been given to the managers for when law officers arrive questioning just what the hell they think they're doing and one store was actually boarded up by police in Wisconsin after reopening two on March 30th.

And still the passive-aggressive defiance continues. In Indiana, police forced a store to close after it reopened. The information employees say they're receiving from on high is contradictory, first agreeing that Hobby Lobby is not essential and later saying they are essential as a pretext for reopening. They're also cutting hours, meaning the necessary sanitizing is not getting done. 

One employee put it best when they said:

"There is absolutely nothing in Hobby Lobby worth spreading this illness. I'm honestly appalled at this company and the way it doesn't care for its employees and only about making their money."

Lowlives such as David Green are what American society tells us to admire. Why we should admire someone who couldn't care less about human beings who might  die horribly is as baffling as his claims that a kind and loving god would want people to keep being exposed to a deadly virus in order to sell arts and crafts. 

This is what happens when vulture capitalism and religious fantacism encounter tragedy.

Dispatches from the Coronovirus Days #8

I was going to hold off for a while with these posts because I felt they were coming too often, like a lousy lover, but as is the current trend and in the words of Jeffrey Lebowski, "new shit has come to light, man." So, this edition comes to you courtesy of selfish, heedless assholes who just might kill us all.

America's Wang is Dangling: In a new development that should come as no surprise to anybody, the State of Florida has 1,412 confirmed cases of Coronavirus. That brings the death toll to 18. Now why do you suppose their cases skyrocketed? Could it be because their Governor kept one thumb in his mouth and the other in his ass when he should have followed WHO and CDC recommendations to shut down his fucking beaches? Instead, he thought he would wait a little while longer so idiots could party close to one another. God only knows how many of those people have left the state to go home and infect more of us. Meanwhile, Florida is dealing with a signifcant uptick, which is probably why

They Paved Paradise & Put up a Hospital: Suddenly, off in the distance, a new crop springs forth from the ground in Florida. It isn't edible or even decorative, it's a 250-capacity hospital. More specifically, it's a field hospital like the kind used during wartime. It isn't known if it will be for Covid-19 infected patients or an overfow facility for those who don't have the virus. And while the necessity is clear, the message being sent is muddled. Next time there's a pandemic or some other crisis, morons know their heedless partying will be rewarded with extra facilities. Happy birthday, humanity!

All the World's a Failed CEO's Playground: Donald Trump said -- who am I kidding? -- Donald Trump Tweeted that he basically wants the country back up and running by Easter, which is April 12th. Consulting his own "very big brain," the reality TV star turned president seems to think we can beat back a virus that has no antibodies or vaccine to combat it because 'Murica's colors don't run and there's money to made. He has demonsrated both a stunningly clueless grasp of the situation and a disgusting level of misguided self-preservation during the entire pandemic. Now he wants to ignore experts to whom his massive ego will not allow him to defer all in the name of keeping the economy going so he can try and win reelection in November. It is also possible his childlike state of mind preventrs him from truly comprehending the scope and magnitude of this. IN other words, Trump is literally the worst president in the history of the United States to be dealing with this crisis. It isn't "melodramatic" to say this idiot is going to get a lot of Americans killed.

"Pandemic" is just another word for "Party": The well-to-do town of Westport, Connecticut now has the highest amount of positive for Covid-19 people in the state. The reason seems to be partially due to a 40th birthday party that involved lots of people who then took the virus with them to other places. This was on March 5th, when we knew the virus was coming. So, while at least one official feels it's unfair for the media to have seized upon this story, it's difficult to ignore yet another collection of self-absorbed affluent assholes living as if they have no responsibility to their fellow humans. Because of this no doubt lovely soiree, a contagion has spread even faster. That doesn't mean they deserve some of the online abuse they've received but they definitely deserve harsh critcism for being no different than the simpletons at the beaches in Florida.

Are you there, God? It's me, Common Decency: One wonders if, when horror novelist Bentley Little wrote "The Store," he was inspired by Hobby Lobby. The arts and crafts chain, a non-essential business if ever there was one, is fighting tooth and claw to remain open in spite of the "stay and shelter" mandates occuring all over the United States. First there were the CEO's bullshit claims that his "prayer warrior" wife received a catchphrase from God that let them know they should stay open, which I wrote about previously. Now another leaked memo details the absolute evil that is Hobby Lobby's policy towards its employees. I will be writing a separate piece on that in the next day or so.

This is why we Call them Anti-vaxxers: Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear is pissed off, and rightly so. Recently, some vapid "Dr. Mom" type floated a question online wondering if anybody was planning "Coronavirus parties," where so-called mothers gather their children in the hopes that they all become horribly sick and build an immunity to the targeted disease. The woman was quickly criticized for even contemplating such an ass-stupid idea with a virus that humans have no immunity against, prompting her to use the same tired, logic-deficient "a mommy knows best" assertion that has brought back the old, cured diseases thanks to the anti-vax movement. How quickly idiotic concept turns into life-threatening execution. That's why the Governor of Kentucky is so upset. It isn't clear if this was an adult party or not but when it comes to Covid-19, that hardly makes a difference.


Governor Whitmer put her foot down on March 23rd and issued a mandate that all non-essential businesses close by midnight and everybody stay the hell home. Meanwhile, the grocery store across the street from my house was filled with people not maintaining a six foot distance. It was nice, however, to see fewer cars on the main road nearby. Considering Michigan's largest hospital system is nearly maxed out on beds and equipment, staying home is our only semblance of a defense against this thing. I can't believe I'm even writing this. It's like living in a medical thriller by Robin Cook or Michael Crichton, neither of whom I particularly care for. In fact, I really dislike those types of novels.

I always wanted to know what life was like in a science fictional universe, just not the kind that involved unbeatable diseases and clueless imbeciles running the show.

I wish I could tell you how my spirits are; I'm too numb. I think I'll end the Dispatch here. 


Read the previous Dispatch here.

Hobby Lobby Remaining Open Because "God"

 God-fearin' and exploitin' Hobby Lobby CEO David Green's "prayer warrior" wife Barbara prayed so hard about this Covid-19 epidemic bugaboo that she was rewarded with a vision in the form of three easily memorized and repeated words: "Guide, Guard and Groom." And since God apparently talks like a sales seminar, that phrase is somehow meant to comfort the thousands of Hobby Lobby employees who are being made to continue working at the arts and crafts superstore.
As you can see from the memo to the left, Hobby Lobby has no intention of modifying its hours, let alone closing during a global pendemic; not when there are sales and money to be made.
You don't have to take this blog's word for it, however. The email pictured below gives pretty clear indication of the extent to which the Hobby Lobby corporation will go to profit off of tragedy.

At this point, if you still don't want to accept the evidence as presented by awesome Twitter user "Towanda the Avenger," maybe this actual notice from the Hobby Lobby website will convince you. Pay especial attention to the sentence where they say any employees who exhibit signs of Covid-19 will be sent home to self-isolate but nothing about immediately closing down right after. Clearly the CDC guidelines are not a concern for Green because his wife's conveniently catchy God-provided vision will save the day.

None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who has followed the Hobby Lobby saga over the years. Providing meager sick pay and violating the Family Medical Leave Act at least once, Green's fundamentalist hypocrisy has been on full display for years. Many would consider this a new low, however. A non-essential business remaining open based on dubious claims of Godly protection that is clearly exploiting a global pandemic for sales reasons isn't just affecting individuals or even the company's employees. Keeping their stores open when the World Health Organization, The CDC and your local veterinarian all agree you should not is irresponsible and the very hallmark of profit over people.

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