The Derp is Palpable: People Protesting Safety from a Pandemic

What if some self-righteous twit gave a mass protest against supposed governmental overreach and almost nobody came? While sadly that was not the case in Michigan where far too many clueless folk, many of them, it turns out, were from other states, turned out to protest the governor's attempts to safeguard her constitutens from grizzly deaths, the organizers in Maryland weren't so lucky.

Brad Bell, Maryland bureau chief for ABC 7 News

This photo, uploaded to Twitter by ABC News 7 Maryland Bureau Chief Brad Bell tells an interesting non-story. According to Bell, only three people were present two hours into the "event's" planned start time. Obviously three guys can't storm the capitol, not even...

THIS BAD MOFO RIGHT HERE!

Pic obtainred via Raw Story

Let's leave the Maryland protest behind for a moment. Why should we be any different than the majority of residents? Instead, let's return to my homestate of Michigan, where I am reluctant to ascribe the word "succesful" to the absolute stupidity involved in the protest that occured here in the state's capitol. However, in terms of sheer numbers and being heard, it was indeed a success.But who really benefited from it since nothing changed and, as the governor has made clear, isn't going to based on what Salon.com referred to as the "Michigan Manbabies."

Initially, reaction to Governor Whitmer's claims that the Devos family was involved in the protests was critical, prompting her to walk the comments back. She needn't have bothered. It's been verified several times over that the Devos backed Michigan Conservative Coalition was a major player in last week's demonstration. Naturally the group is claiming the Devos Dynasty had nothin' to do with nothin'.

One wonders just what the hell they think they accomplished, however. Despite how they feel about what they did, here's a quick list of what the protest did for them and, sadly, for those of with the sense God gave circus fleas:

• Increased the liklihood of viral spread thanks to many of the protestors violating the rule regarding staying in their vehicles by standing close to one another.
• Provided those of us who oppose their narrow-minded ideology a handy list of businesses to avoid patronizing.
• Showed the entire world that, when it comes down to it, Michigan is no better than Florida when it comes to having an enormous amount of lunatics.
• Did a really good job of preventing ambulances from getting through the sea of protestor vehicles.
• Sounded really, really stupid and uneducated on every news broadcast, especially the woman who yelled, "Hi, Melania!" because obviously the First Lady was watching.

"Operation: Gridlock" protests are springing up all over the nation now because people are dumb and bored. And it's the same sad story in every state: People displaying a woeful ignorance of science who wrongly assume flattening the curve means it's time to immediately resume their old lives, all while imploring governors they despise for various reasons to "trust" them to do the right thing.

Trust them as if they've earned anything except the exact opposite. In less than a month, these entitled brats calling themselves adults started throwing Trump-level tantrums so intense their rectums probably prolapsed. Less than a month. Thanks to a steady diet of Randian propaganda courtesy of irresponsible, witless twerps such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, none of them seem capable of seeing this as a situation we're all in together. The concept of civil responsibility, of sacrifice beyond one's immediate family is as foreign to them as speaking a language other than American English.

Unfortunately, there is no way they're going to suddenly experience an epiphany and conclude that their actions are harmful, inconsiderate, immature and embarrassing. This might feel like a movie but it isn't one. There's no requirement for character growth in the real world. These people are static, in a constant state of stasis. In other words, for want of a better term, they're what the powerful people manipulating them refer to as "useful idiots."

If that seems harsh, let's conclude with the words of the Colorado group currently planning its on Virus Spreaders 2020 event:

“We have won the battle of flattening the curve, and We the People demand freedom immediately to maintain our social, economic, and spiritual strength for the long haul.”

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #11

I have now been under self-quarantine since March 15th and work-from-home status since March 17th. I have left the house a few times; early on, before we really understood the enormity of the Covid-19 outbreak, I ventured inside a store or two, disgusted by the lack of seriousness with which people were greeting this pandemic. It has been weeks since I stepped inside a structure now, my few jaunts only occuring whenever presciptions were needed and, only then, at the drive-up window.

I'm not sick. I could be asymptomatic but how would I know? My wife was sick before the "stay home, stay safe" order from Governor Whitmer, making things even more uncertain in my household. We don't think she had Covid-19 but since the hospitals aren' t seeing people for anything that isn't life-threatening, it's impossible to know for sure.

What can I tell you about my state-of-mind? I suppose it could be worse. As the popualr article and memes will tell you, we Gen-X'ers are easily the most predisposed to having to keep our asses at home for extended periods of time. It's how most of us spent our childhoods, especially the teen years. Honestly, this for me just feels like a weekday in summer that somehow got extended. The difference is, though, I could leave the house back then. I could hop on my bike and go to the store and actually walk inside and touch things and buy them and bring them home and...well, you get the idea. The only way I can do that stuff now is armed with a cannister of Lysol disinfectant wipes, a mask, rubber gloves and a full body condom!

"This, too, shall pass," right? I mean, if it's in the Bible...Okay, I can't in good conscience finish that sentence but enjoy whatever is your takeaway.

I try to tell myself the above sentiment, but then I look across the street at all the people who are still crowding into the grocery stores. I need to eat, too. My wife and I have been waiting over a week for our delivery service; we finally opted to do a pickup, thereby increasing the risk factor. But I'm not entering the building because I'm not a moron. I know this because my mom told me so.

I suppose my fear is that as time passes, the act of being outside of the house will become foreign and undesirable to me. The other day while cleaning, I took trash out to the receptacles in the backyard, where the sun shone down on me rather intensely. I stood in place and let the rays hit me for several minutes, blinded, deciding this must be how plants feel when they're bombarded with life-giving solar rays. Then I went back inside.

(In case you're wondering, the image above is a meme that's going around as a response to President Trump's dismissive comments regarding the Governor of Michigan.)

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #6

Don't Stand, Walk, Lurk or Exist So Close to Me: I waited a few days to do another Dispatch because this thing has apparently taken off in some small way and I wanted to let readers catch up before I started again. As we all should know by now in these days of global pandemic, staying home and maintaining a distance of six feet from others is the recommended way to slow down the virus's progress. Slow down, not stop. There is no stopping it yet. This thing is the ultimate invisible predator, able to live on surfaces and in the air. But it can also be killed with soap and water and bleach. However, those things aren't going to curb its advance so stop going to the fucking grocery store with your entire family, unmasked, un-gloved and not maintaining distance!

The Few, The Masked, the Aware: Naturally, I have a real-life example or two because I try not to pull things out of the virus-infected air.  Today at a certain higher-caliber supermarket, I was one of five people in the entire store wearing masks. Even the staff was walking around without gloves. And nobody was maintaining a six foot distance. In fact, one woman seemed to be everywhere I wanted to go, standing either right in front of me or to my side. So, I'm not proud of it but I started coughing in my mask. Suddenly social distancing seemed to become her number one priority.

Brief Scare: The night before last, my asthmatic wife who has been dealing with an upper respiratory infection we're almost positive is not Covid-19 had an excacerbation. In case you're unfamiliar with what that is, read all about it. The last time she had one this severe, she wound up in the hospital for a week; that was when her chuldhood asthma became chronic. Back then she didn't have all the equipment and medication to treat it. Despite all that, it still looked really bad and normally we would have taken her to the hospital, but the pandemic has made that nearly impossible right now. Also, since her pulmonologist says I can't be in the room for three hours after she uses her breathing treatment, I slept downstairs. The next morning, I heard sirens nearby. That's not unusual because of how close we live to a hospital, but when they suddenly stopped and it sounded like the vehicle stopped right outside my house, my first thought, "Oh, no. She called 911 from upstairs." But I was wrong. The EMS was across the street at the grocery store, where I saw someone being wheeled out on a gurney. You can probably guess I didn't shop there like I had planned.

Finally, the Writer Makes a Literary Reference: I didn't create the image above. The attribution seems to belong to a librarian named Louise Darlington. Frankly, it couldn't be more accurate. I mean, we've reached a point where nearly every title listed is a plausible outcome both for the U.S. and the planet. In fact, I could easily see most of these combining into one big fat dystopia. I've been telling people for years to listen to the science fiction writers. Now we're living it.

Some Heroes Don't Wear Capes or Masks: Italy isn't only Ground Zero for the pandemic in Europe, it's also a prime example of what can happen in America if we don't handle this outbreak properly. Five more Italian doctors have died  fighting this thing. Two of them were 70-year old retirees who returned to the field to help out. Lack of supplies such as gloves and masks continue to take a toll in Italy, where over 8% of its medical workers have died from the virus. Meanwhile, in the Hoarding States of America, our own medical professionals are posting frantically online about how they also don't have masks and gloves. Dr. Oz even called it our "patriotic duty" to not hoard masks and, in fact, to go without them.

Beach Blanket a-gone-gone: Finally, after allowing way too many people to potentially infect one another on its beaches, America's Wang's governor ordered them shut down. Governor Ron DeSantis (R) said, "The Party's over in Florida" after video of idiotic springbreakers proudly defying the CDC recommendations in the name of partying and being stupid went viral. Too little, too late.

Shit Just Got Realer(er): As I was writing this latest Dispatch and about to end with the current trend of teenagers licking groceries and videoing themselves, I heard voices outside and walked over to the window to investigate. A large SUV sat at the stop sign with its emergency lights flashing. Assuming the person was having car trouble, I went back to writing until, a few minutes later, I noticed red lights reflecting off the wall over my wife's head. We both went to see what was happening and there was a EMS, the second one outside my house today, parked with people working in the back on someone. I could see one of them wearing a mask. When the other one emerged from the back, he got behind the wheel and they drove off slowly. The SUV was nowhere to be seen. Obviously it could have been anything that caused them to call 911 but the liklihood that it was Covd-19 related is too high to ignore.

I think I'll stop writing now~



Read the previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #4

Look to the Skies: Like any major event, Covid-19 has its share of associated conspiracy theories but my favorite is the one I saw on a UFOs and aliens Facebook page. Who am I kidding? 90% of them came from that page, but this one is definitely the best: Apparently the powers-that-be don't want us outside looking up when the UFOs arrive and start landing! And if it fails under mild scrutiny because the theorist neglected to account for the fact that we've been told it's actually encouraged to go outside? Screw it! The theory kicks ass!

Spend Big Money at Menards: Wisconsin-based retailer Menards was recently sent a cease & desist letter by the Michigan Attorney State General for price gouging. Specifically they rasied prices on cleaning products and protective masks. A Facebook friend claimed they knew someone who paid seven dollars for a small bottle of Lysol airspray. They were given ten days to reply. Ten days. Imagine all the gouge they can still pull off in that time before deciding to comply. Hopefully, people will stop going there until this has been resolved.

Leave the Ghostlight On When you Tweet: Governor Whitmer's response to Covid-19 has been commendable. Only a fool would say otherwise. Enter President Donald Trump, whose weird, out-of-nowhere Tweet accused her of not doing enough and ended with him claiming he and his administration were basically lighting s fire under her ass. It was classic "The Donald," a bait and switch designed to absolve him of all wrongdoing due to his own lackluster response and paint the female Democrat as incompetent. It's doubtful anyone who wasn't already willing to believe him is fooled.

If You're Healthy and you know it, Risk Exposure: California Republican Senator Devin Nunes is currently facing a rather severe PR nightmare based on irresponsible comments he made regarding what people should be doing during the pandemic. Basically, he told people if they're healthy, they should frequent restaurants so as not to "hurt the working people" in 'Murica. That was, of course, prior to the mandatory shut-downs of all the eateries and just about every other damn thing. He later tried to, as they say these days, walk back his comments when talking to Sean Hannity, a.k.a. Trump's rectal thermometer. But even Trump was not saying this because for once, he gets it and this bug-eyed wackjob does not. It's pretty bad when CNN tries to save your hash and you still shoot yourself in the leg.

America's Wang Still Doin' it's Thang: It turns out Homer Simpson was right after all; Florida really is America's wang! For proof of that wang status, look no further than this link. Invincible idiots who don't seem to care about being carriers for the virus decided to party their asses off thanks to a bar that defied the statewide order to shut the hell down. Technically, they were supposed to reduce capacity to 50% up until 11:00 pm but the pics clearly show they didn't allow a bunch of silly medical precautions to diminish their drunken good time.

All Hail the Plastic Pastor!: Do you have a moment for me to tell you about the Good News? We no longer need to fear the ramifications of the idiots in Florida congregating in large numbers because Donald Trump's "spiritual advisor" has a fix-it. Asking her followers to send "seed money" to her for protection against plague and pestilence, Pastor Paula White is billing her ministry as a hospital to the sick. Apparently the hospitals to healthy people weren't included. Adherents to the Prosperity Gospel will likely find her entreaties appealing since they view faith as an investment that comes with a return. It's a religion that deserves to be renamed "Americanism" and she is currently one of its major figures. No wonder a shameless self-promoter like Trump likes her so much. Well, that and her blond hair, adoration of him and unmoving plastic face.

All the World's a (Viral) Stage: As mentioned above, conspiracy theories abound in the wake of the Covid-19 outbreak and people we know in real life are not immune (see what I did there?) to their odd allure. One in particular comes from "Author Unknown," and ain't that always the case? Unknown goes into great detail about how a very real viral outbreak is no big deal, how the media is causing mass panic and how this is all just a test run for socialism. He also draws ludicrous parrallels to cancer and car accidents to demonstrate how other things kill more people. This is in spite of a president who basically poops capitalism every time he walks taking it all very seriously and ordering the closing of establishments and all the rest of the normal responses to an untreatable virus. Someone I know posted this particular theory on their Facebook page. Objectively speaking, it is an effective piece of writing. It pushes all the right buttons, gets its point across and details exactly what it sets out to. It's also incredibly irresponsible because it can inspire others of a similar mentality to not take proper precautions. Pointing that out resulted in me being "melodramatic" because a post isn't going to kill anyone.

But Maybe a Post Can Save People: This one should speak for itself so I'll not editorialize.

More to Come~

Read Dispatch #3 Here!

Dispatches from the Corona Virus Days #2

This Just In!: One of two things learned today while standing on line at Aldi came when a woman expressing shock and dismay at all the perceived last-minute stockpiling of food, etc. mentioned that she had just heard about this whole global pandemic thing yesterday. She was all decked out in a surgical mask and shower cap and was surprisingly young-looking.

Storage Options May Vary: Lesson number two came from the same woman and was learned by another woman in line to whom she was speaking. When the other woman said she always had lots of food stored away in her freezer and pantry, the woman who'd just heard about the quaranting a day ago said, "Yeah, but don't everybody got no pantry." Never assume was the lesson, but also that double negatives are sometimes the least of the grammatical offenses.

To the Bars, the Idiots: Just like the rest of the state's schools, Michigan State University was closed by official governor's order. However, that didn't prevent many among its student population from immediately running to the bars in town to congregate in close quarters and cough and sneeze all over each other in the name of "fun." This trend infected other portions of the state to the point where Governor Whitmer has now ordered all restaurants and bars to close and only provide "to go" food orders.

Long Lines Will Save us: According to this article in The Texas Tribune, long lines of people being delayed due to the virus are just a'sittin' around, cramped together, coughin' and sneezin' within inches of one another because the best way to halt the spread of a virus that is transmitted those ways is to better ensure that hundreds of people are unable to spread apart!

Church Bells Ring, Can't Help Listenin': Since yesterday, a nearby church has been ringing its bells every hour on the hour. It is both comforting and maddening. They just started back up while that previous sentence was being typed. End of Days much?

Welcome To 'Murica: In the other countries dealing with Covid-19, the citizens know they will not have to worry about getting paid while they are practicing social distancing. Italy has even suspended mortgages until the crisis is over. But here in the country that apparently hadn't been great for a long time until a red hat told us it could be great again, many of us don't know if we will continue to get paid. As usual, everyone discounts those of us who interface with the public for a living and assume working from home is an option for most of us. A bill was introduced to provide continuing pay but the Republcan senate shot it down because it didn't remove federal funding for abortions. Yep. Even now, they're playing politics with our lives. And while another bill has been sent over, it is a watered down version.

Morons with Fingers: No dispatch would be complete without at least one tale of a wretched twit making assinine comments online, so of course here are two such tales:

• One guy making Michigan proud he lives here cried "fake news" at the undeniable fact that Governor Whitmer has ordered the closures of restaurants.
• The other prize winner took humbrage at a post detailing Trump's many failures regarding dealing with the virus by trying to make it appear as if the "liberal presidents" in other countries did nothing to help their citizens. Forget that this shouldn't be about liberal vs. conservative as seen through narrow American prisms. Instead of accepting that his glorious leader made mistakes, this guy was more interested in "whataboutism" and interpreting facts as "taking shots." 

More to come~

(Read Dispatch#1 here)