Thursday, October 20, 2011

An Interview with Ned & Ernie.

The following is a brief interview conducted with Ned & Ernie, the two main protagonists of Christopher Nadeau’s Infinity’s Core Saga. In this case, the guys discuss their feelings on “Dreamers at Infinity’s Core” and its upcoming sequel, as well as filling us in on what took place in the six months between:

INTERVIEWER: You guys certainly went through a lot when you faced off against the entities trying to escape Infinity’s Core. What can you tell us about that experience?

NED: It sucked.

ERNIE: Sucked ass!

INTERVIEW: Care to elaborate?

NED: I wouldn’t know where to start.

INTERVIEW: How about with the Cast?

NED: That’s a loaded question. We don’t really know much about the Cast, except they really seem to desire life.

ERNIE: And they don’t give a fuck who they have to kill to achieve it.

NED: There’s also that old chestnut.

INTERVIEWER: But what are they?

NED: (Sighs) Far as I can tell, they’re disembodied entities that exist in a place that isn’t really a place, sort of between realities, that seem to have hit upon the notion that latching onto the collective unconscious and using peoples’ imaginations as bridges will enable them to achieve physical life.

INTERVIEWER: Ernie, do you agree with that assessment?

ERNIE: Gimme a couple hours to consult a dictionary and I’ll tell you.

INTERVIEWER: Let’s switch gears a little and discuss the novelization of your adventure. How did you guys feel about the Nadeau novel.

NED: No comment.

ERNIE: It wasn’t bad. I guess. It sort’ve made me look like a foul-mouthed person though, and I don’t know where the fuck he got that from.

INTERVIEWER: Ned, was there anything about the novel you found unfair or inaccurate?

NED: Authors write things they way they see them. My version would have been different.

INTERVIEWER: Aside from the foul-mouthed aspect, Ernie, did you find the portrayal of events accurate in the novel?

ERNIE: Nobody could ever capture…Look, it’s like this. Once you’ve had those things inside your head, you’re never the same. You don’t see the world the same way. You don’t sleep like you used to sleep. Sometimes, you wake up and there are things in your room you don’t want to believe are real. Is the novel accurate? Fuck, man. I don’t even know what’s real anymore.

INTERVIEWER: So, obviously your experiences with the Core have left you significantly changed.

NED: That’s certainly not an understatement.

INTERVIEWER: What about the aftermath? What’s gone on since the big showdown in front of that small suburban home?

ERNIE: Life goes on.

NED: My novel is out now and the Religious Right is already having a field day. Aside from that and no longer working for Complete Maintenance, not much is going on with me.

ERNIE: Right, because everybody is living their dream. No news there!

NED: It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

ERNIE: Beats trying to find yourself in your thirties.

(The room grows silent, neither man willing to look at the other)

INTERVIEWER: What about your new acquaintance? Chad, right? Is he now an official member of the Core Veterans Society?

NED: He’s an official member of the Pain in the Ass Club. Does that count?

ERNIE: Ned doesn’t care much for Chad.

INTERVIEWER: Apparently not! What’s the main objection?

NED: (Shrugs) He pointed a gun at me.

INTERVIEW: But according to the novel, that was all a misunderstanding. He thought you guys were responsible for the Core opening up.

ERNIE: We were.

NED: Not entirely.

ERNIE: Still.

INTERVIEW: Ernie, you and Chad have since become friends, isn’t that right?

ERNIE: He’s not such a bad guy, once you get past the bitch-boy Goth thing.

NED: And the whiny voice.

ERNIE: And the stupid hair.

NED: And the constant pop culture references nobody cares about.

ERNIE: And the fact that he still won’t admit he’s a virgin.

INTERVIEW: Still, he proved to be rather….

NED: (Holds up a finger) And the fact that he thinks he’s smarter than everyone despite dressing like an undertaker from the Soho District.

INTERVIEW: Wow. He did turn out to be a great help though.

NED: He almost got us killed. He was the conduit through which the Cast planned to achieve life. Yeah, real big help there.

ERNIE: He didn’t know that. He thought…I don’t know what he thought. Dude’s a low-grade psychic.

NED: (Chuckles) Is that, like, the equivalent of middle management?

ERNIE: Yeah at a company with no dress code.

INTERVIEW: What about Madame Esmerelda?

NED: What about her?

INTERVIEW: Well, did she really look like Salma Hyaeck?

ERNIE: All I’ll say is, if there’s ever a movie, Salma is the only one I could see in the role.

INTERVIEW:Any idea what ever became of her?

NED: Nope. Don’t care either.

ERNIE: She disappeared after everything was over.

INTERVIEW: Is it true that you were in love with her?

ERNIE: ...some women present themselves as something other than what they are.

NED: Sometimes I wonder how much of that was her and how much was…anyway. With any luck, we’ll never see her again.

(Another long moment of silence)

INTERVIEWER: Are both of you aware that there is a second novel entitled “Echoes of Infinity’s Core” set to come out soon?

BOTH: Yeah.

INTERVIEWER: Do you know anything about it?

NED: Nobody consults us.

ERNIE: I plan to be as surprised as you are when I read it.

INTERVIEWER: I’d like to thank both of you for your time today. One final question: What, if anything, did you take away from your experience with the Core?

ERNIE: There’s a lot of shit we don’t understand, and he the shit we do understand isn’t always what we think it is. Once your eyes have been opened, you can’t close them anymore.

INTERVIEWER: What about you, Ned?

NED: The only justice, the only fairness, is what we create. The universe is a cold-hearted hellhole that will leave you empty unless you kick it in the ass and carve out your own corner of meaningfulness.

INTERVIEWER: What do you mean by that, exactly?

NED: I mean there comes a time when a person refuses to accept what others refer to as fate and take whatever action he deems necessary.

INTERVIEWER: Are you referring to what the novel depicted as the abrupt disappearance of the woman you loved?

NED: It’s late. Thanks for the interview.

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