The Promised Script Excerpt.

It's available on my Patreon page for any who are interested.

click here.

Script Update.

I've never written anything timely before, at least nothing that comes to mind. That changed recently with the challenge I received to write a whistleblower script for someone with the ability to get it produced. You can read all about that by clicking here.

Having never written a satirical script for hoped for immediate production, I was understandably nervous when I submitted it. Then I received the following response:


"Oh my God I just finished reading it. I loved it. I already have people in mind for different roles."

Well, that was a relief! I can't imagine what I would have done with what I consider to be a very funny 15-page examination of how stupid politics have become if she had hated it.

By the way, one of those people she had in mind for a role? He's typing this post.

More on that and a link to the Patreon excerpt tomorrow!

All Trumped Up.

Approximately one month ago I was challenged to write a script. It was during one of those two-couple dinners that are all the rage and somehow the topic turned to Donald Trump and his antics regarding the whistle-blower whose claims you can read up on by clicking here if you somehow don't know or recently were the recipient of a closed-head injury.

At some point during the lively conversation, I said, "Wouldn't it be funny if Melania turned out to be the whistle-blower?" The person sitting directly across from me jumped up in her seat, pointed at me and exclaimed, "If you write that, I'll get it produced!"

"As a script?" I said. I'd recently seen what she and her group of filmmakers were capable of and was reasonably impressed.

"Yes. I have actors who would love to be in that."

She's an actor, too. I had a pretty good feeling who she wanted to play. The very next day I realized the idea was burning a hole in my brain and I had no choice but to start writing it. I decided to go for complete satire, with characters who openly, cluelessly and unrepentantly admit to the worst possible aspects of human behavior as if they're discussing a grocery list. It took a month to complete the first draft but I am pleased with the result.

Taking into account budget constraints, which every play or script I've ever written does, I set the whole thing in a small room where a senate sub-committee gives the increasingly obnoxious president, his attorney and his VP a chance to admit his wrongdoing before the actual impeachment trial begins.

I plan to publish an excerpt of it in a couple days on my Patreon page. That's right. You gotta pay me at least a dollar to read it. Imagine the nerve of a writer wanting to get paid for his work!

A link will be posted soon so check back~

Not Sure How I Missed This.

Some time back, I entered the Dark Regions Press short story contest for a chance to get my story into the Black Labyrinth Anthology. I didn't win but I did apparently receive an Honorable Mention. I'm not sure how I missed this information -- maybe Dark Regions didn't send it to me in the rejection email -- but I was immediately transported back to childhood when we were herded into pits known as "classrooms" and forced to compete with each other for such luminary gains as the aforementioned Honorable Mention.

Broken, bloodied and drained of all sense of individuality, we stumbled forward for our cheaply made prizes so we could take them home and hand them to our parents and watch as they eventually faded into the confines of some forgotten box of crap that summed up our meager existences.

So, you're damn right I'm glad to see it. You can see it, too, by clicking here.












* In case my satire has gone unrecognized, I am actually pleased to have been mentioned at all considering I lost.
See, Mommy and Da-Da? Your little boy matters. He matters, damn you!

Step Right Up

Witness my pain for a meager monthly contribution!

click here.

Some of my Favorite Responses to Morons on News Articles.

While not as often as I once did, I still find myself commenting on news articles, mostly on Yahoo!, when someone makes a comment so moronic, so absurd and so goddam dumb that I simply cannot help myself. I try to be less antagonist these days, though, as long as they don't come at me that way.

 So, I have compiled a list of some of my favorite responses to (mostly) morons. Some of these are me replying to them replying to me but the majority are from my responses to their asinine comments or just my original comments on the articles. Some semblance of context is provided where needed:

• Awesome attempt at a slam but next time make sure you know the difference between Deniro and Pacino.
• Conservatives leveling accusations of McCarthyism is probably the funniest thing I've seen since they started quoting MLK!
• You seem genuinely unaware of Kid Rock's origins so I would suggest you look into his song "Grits Sandwiches for Breakfast" and then come back and tell us what black music he used. I could also have you speak to a man of color who was there during Rock's DJing period as a fellow DJ who said his mic skills were sorely lacking.
  Or you could wallow in self-righteous ignorance. Your choice
• Far too many identical comments supporting [Ron] Paul. And by identical I mean the wording, not the sentiment. Well, as we "Americans say,"Боже, благослови мать Россию."
• Oh, Cam as in camisole. Adjust the silky lady undergarments and relax. Your maleness *snicker* isn't under attack here.
• "Epic Pair Of Cat Leggings" is the exact phrase Nostradamus said would be uttered right before the endtimes.
• Who in their right mind would give my comment a thumbs down? Oh...answered my own question!
• You mean the 80's when people literally drove around looking for "guys that look gay" to beat nearly to death? Those were the days, my friend, lives were brought to an end...
• You do realize Elton John is gay, not merely festive?
• The scariest thing about [Steve] Bannon is that he can sometimes make lots of sense. just enough to momentarily convince you he's not an insidious hate-monger with a destructive ideology.
• (Re: The Joker movie) You're not too swift, are you? Also prone to projection. I never once "blamed" anyone. I merely made the point that anytime someone creates controversial art involving violence like this, it should at least occur to them that someone who is mentally ill could imitate it. Anything else you inferred is from your own particular brand of self-righteous idiocy.
  But please continue your inane examples because they're awfully amusing.
• "MIllenials are Killing Award Shows!"
  Hysterical details later tonight.
•  Clever retort. You must be a real cut-up at the group home.
• This seriously never occurred to him? Must be nice to float through life on a vapor cloud of your own cluelessness.
• (Re: Epstein) Because sex offenders should get a free pass?
  When do you get to remove your ankle tether?
• (Re: "Avatar") It was that rare message movie I agree with and still wanted it to shut up.
• Interesting how all I see in the comments section are people whining about guns being a God-given right and how Beto don't know nuthin' 'bout no guns no way, but nobody is mentioning the incredibly sexist diatribe from this idiot commentator who obviously regards "his girl" as property/\
• What does it feel like to have been born in the past few hours with no knowledge of history.

I hope you enjoyed these. If not, you won't want to read the next batch I post whenever I run out of posting ideas~

Oy, Such a Compliment That Was!

Although I mentioned it on Facebook, I refrained from mentioning specifics about my latest short story acceptance here because this is where I make my "official announcements" and I had not yet sent in my signed contract.  There's also the little matter of not wanting to jinx anything because, to be blunt, it's been a while since I've had anything accepted. However, this hasn't been a total surprise since, as I advised my Facebook friends, I tend to have better luck in the Fall.

I did make a brief mention of the story's acceptance in my post from September 28th post so maybe consider this the sequel to that award-winning piece of quasi-journalistic excellence. The story is titled, "Gorgon Not Forgotten" (hee-hee get it?) and it was accepted by Left Hand Publishing. Once I sent in my signed contract, biography and picture (ugh!) they replied with the suggested edits.

There were hardly any.

Not to brag, but the publisher of my first novel used to say I was the easiest person to edit because my first drafts tended to read like final ones. That didn't mean changes weren't necessary or that there was no room for improvement. It just meant my narrative structure was relatively strong and the requisite flow and plot progression weren't in need of repair. This may be telling stories out of school as they used to say but I don't normally start writing until I either have a complete vision in my head or, when I don't have one, I stop and start a lot rather than simply rushing through a first draft. That's an unusual technique and not one I necessarily recommend to others. The conventional wisdom is to not do what I do but I have found that I am less likely to finish the work if I don't push myself to make it final draft worthy the first time.

I am not, repeat not, arrogant enough to believe a prospective editor will see it that way. I am also one of the easiest people to request rewrites and edits from. Every word is not precious and sometimes one must indeed kill their darlings if they want to see one's work in print. If you don't agree, don't accept the offer.

When I opened the returned document containing my story and its suggested edits, I saw the following note in the right-hand corner:

"Hi Christopher. Excellent story and a pristine manuscript. As your story was being reviewed by the scorers, it was noted a couple of times that by changing just a few words, you could keep the progeny genderless. As you read through your manuscript again, try to forget whether it’s a he or a she. You’ll see how it adds another layer to your piece.
If you do not like that idea, just “reject” the couple of changes that we made.Thank you for a great read. Nice working with you on this project."

The note was followed by a handful of suggested grammatical changes. Personal feedback is rare enough in this field and any is appreciated, even if it's not positive. To receive positive feedback thanking me? That's yuge! Not to mention the amount of compliments contained in that one paragraph. Knowing that more than one person read it and found enough merit to agree it was publishable makes any semblance of impostor syndrome vanish like flatulence in a summer breeze.

More on that actual publication date when I know more on the actual...publication...you know what I mean!