Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #5

And the Dumbest MF'er Quote Goes to: Ohio resident Bradley Sluder currently on Spring Break in Florida vowed to keep partying despite the global pandemic. "If I get Corona, I get Corona. At the end of the day, I'm not gonna let it stop me from partying."
This wise sage isn't alone either. A whole gaggle of dumbasses has vowed to keep up the frivolity, ignoring all CDC warnings to the contrary.

Dumbest MF'er First Runner up: Indiana resident Atlantis Walker ---yes, you read right, he's named after the fabled lost continent --- got all social justice on the virus's ass by saying, "This virus ain't that serious. There's more serious things out there like hunger and poverty. We need to address that." Wow. A truly in-depth analysis of our society. So what if a viral pandemic could conceivably make those issues worse. Not to worry, though. Bradley and Atlantis are not alone in their abject stupidity.

Seems Pricey but your Hiney Will Thank You: Speaking of lowrent, profiteering scumbags, a man in Canton, Michigan was caught selling cases of toilet paper from his trunk for sixty dollars each. Even better, he was in a Meijer parking lot when he did it! For those that don't know, Meijer is a massive Michigan-based department store that has spread into other parts of the U.S. A disgusted man took video of the incident and it has been shared over 1000 times online.
(Source: WXYZ Channel 7- Detroit)

Now it's a Tragedy, Now it's so Sad to See: Those words, first rapped by Yale University Poet in Residence Marshall Mathers,certainly ring true in two significant ways. First, Donald Trump's untrue insistence that he always saw Covid-19 asa  pandemic when he clearly dismissed it as a hoax early on. Second, now that a member of congress has been diagnosed, it somehow matters even more. Florida Congressman Mario Diaz-Balart is urging people to take the virus very seriously, yet Florida continues to host the morons mentioned above on some of their beaches.

A Brief Herstory of Naming this thing: Covid-19 has moved so fast, jumping from animal to human and then to humans, that scientists didn't have time to give it a sexy name before the majority assumed it was "THE Coronavirus" despite there being many such as SARS and Swine Flu, and others throwing "China" into all references as a way to demonize an entire nation of people. While all indications are that it did indeed originate in China, referring to it as "The Chinese Coronavirus" as Donald Trump has or the "Wuhan Virus" as Tucker Carlson has serves no one except those seeking to create divisions among people. By the time the scientists came up with the semi-catchy name "Covid-19," the various deeds were done. Yes, we know it started in China and yes, we know the Chinese government probably lied about the infection and death rates. But blaming China accomplishes nothing good. For example:

Cotton Picking Fights: Arkansas Republican Senator Tom Cotton wants to kick that mean old virus's ass 'Murica style. In typical flaccid rhetoric, Cotton said, "We will hold accountable those who inflicted it on the world." So watch out, Blofeld! 007 comin' for dat ass!

Can't Spell Dirty Triflin' & Evil Without "DTE": This one could have been posted two Dispatches ago but I waited in the hopes that even a wicked utility company might do the right thing. Well, they haven't so far and there's no indication they're going to. I received emails from such disparate companies as AMC initially stating that would be limiting theaters to 50% capacity before wisely choosing to follow the governor's directive to close. Banks have sent emails insuring the safety of customers and their empoyees. Well, Detroit Energy (DTE) sent an email, too. It was heartfelt and reassuring for anyone who might need help with their accounts right now. I know I'll always remember the day I read those three magic words:

  PAYMENT DUE REMINDER

Feel the love, everybody. 

Feel the love.

More to come?

Read Previous Dispatch here.