I used to do these lists on my alter-ego's blog and they were always a big hit with my readers, most of whom have followed me over to other forms of social media and even my published fiction. Those lists were pretty raw and mea culpa to anyone expecting that level of foul-mouthery here. This is, after all, my professional writer's blog. However, just for the old-timers, I'll thrown in a few swears.
Okay, I've over-indulged myself enough. Scroll down for the most important list you'll ever read!
Everlasting Love for Taylor Swift!-While she symbolizes all things bubble-gum, I sincerely hope to see her in a healthy, productive relationship in 2013! Every time someone turns on the radio at work, her latest evil boyfriend anthem bursts forth form the speakers like some dime store version of primal scream therapy. I can't halt the onslaught of her creatively bankrupt warbling, so at least I can hope she never ever everrrrrrrr writes another breakup song...like, EVER!
No More Teabaggers- Nothing would please me more than to witness the dissolution of the so-called “Tea party” this coming year. They're a blight on the political landscape and a collective of self-deluded armchair revolutionaries who can't seem to see the real world. Their moment came and they squandered it by allowing the Koch Brothers and Fox “News” to co-opt their movement while it was in its infancy. Time's up, Baggers.
Zombie Crap-pocalypse: the Final Chapter- While I'm on the subject of things going away, how 'bout that zombie fad? What do ya say? No? Sorry, you'll have to pull your head out of your ass so I can hear you better! Enough is enough! I predicted this fad a few years back and I've never been less happy to be right. Perhaps it's the social networking association that's the real issue here. Every other person on Facebook is posting about the coming zombie apocalypse every other minute. A sub-genre of horror that always had very little appeal for me or much to say in has now become the equivalent of Magic the Gathering and other lapses into extreme dorkiness. It's why I'm reluctant to write them and why an entire book publishing company's very existence disgusts me. I know I'm not alone on this one.
Adele Back to Hell- Speaking of fad's out-staying their welcomes, hasn't this derivative, self-pitying waste of space experienced her fifteenth minute yet? If I wanna listen to Allison Moyet, I will. I realize there are millions of white women over thirty who have had bad relationships and don't relate to Taylor Swift, but surely they can do better than some third rate would-be blue-eyed soul singer from the English 'Hood?
And now for something a bit more optimistic, if not necessarily realistic:
Actual Bi-Partisan Cooperation- Having already mentioned my desire to witness the demise of Teabaggery in the coming year, I'd also like to see the two major parties cooperating the way they used to before Karl Rove and Newt Ginrich effectivelty stymied all forms of bi-partisanship in their bid to dominate the political landscape. Their failure hasn't registered with everyone on the Right yet, and it has paralyzed government in several key ways. It would be nice to see that diminish.
More Superhero Movies- I don't care if you disagree! Actually, I do care. Because if you do, we got a problem and the only way to solve it is for you to pucker up! When I was growing up, the concept of well-made properly funded movies featuring costumed heroes was a pipe dream, the wishful thinking of fandom still not loud enough to make a difference. Those days are over, and now we're seeing the online marauders railing against the trend, as if it's anywhere near as obnoxious as “Twlight”or zombies. More! More, I say! I won't say “Enough” until all viable characters have been exhausted and the only one left is Vibe! (Look him up!)
Big Changes for Fox News- Look, I realize such a well-funded corporate entity isn't just going to vanish. And truthfully, I don't want it to. But what I would like to see is Fox admitting its bias or, even better, being pushed in a more centrist direction. Contrary to what its viewers think, the pundit shows are not the only ones on Fox pushing a blatant agenda. It's far more complex than that. The issue and phrase of the day originates on the morning show and slowly disperses to everyone else. That's not news, that's PR.
No More Shows About Nobody's- I don't care if you're a rich man's wife or had a hit single in Zimbabwe in 1987, you don't deserve your own TV show. Being bitchy and shallow should not result in being rewarded. We're supposed to break children of those traits, yet older, plastic surgery-mutilated people prove daily that they're perfectly fine. Glorification of idiots has hopefully hit its epoch, judging by the various backlashes I've noticed occuring in the past year. I sincerely hope that backlash is harnessed into an actual removal of such demented forms of entertainment. But don't touch Honey Boo-Boo 'cause that reminds people what can happen when Teabaggers run things.
Coldplay No More Play- Recently, a Coldplay concert was playing at a local theater whose Facebook page I just happen to follow. My reply: “Hooray, said the Year 2002!” I was kindly admonished for my irreverance. I was serious, though. Except for a brief moment during a time when I was severely depressed and their sophmore release spoke to me in deeply personal ways, I've always considered Coldplay little more than the after-birth of a great Nineties Britpop movement. I own CDs from superior bands who came out around the same time, but with one possible exception, none of them exuded the customary blandness that's become a requirement for American radio play. I've heard Muzak with more creativity and a happy Chris Martin is the worst thing to happen to an already mediocre band.
The Much-Anticipated “Echoes of Infinity's Core”- Without boring you with behind-the-scenes tales, the second novel in my (for now) “Infinity's Core” trilogy has experienced several release delays. For those of you who've been asking me about the book, yes, it was completed long ago. However, other books have taken priority with my publisher, a fact with which I have no problem. However, I do feel the need to apologize to those who were expecting it in 2012. I was only going by what I was told.
Floorboards: The Short Movie- Speaking of delays, another slighter one took place regarding the production based on my as yet unpublished short story, “Floorboards.” For those in the Unaware Club, a former co-worker of mine who is apparently a fan of my work approached me recently about filming some of my short stories. We sat and storyboarded the hell out of the story mentioned in this section, and filming was to begin in November before he ran into some personal issues that caused a delay. It's coming, though.
The Return of Good Movies- 2012 was a garbage dump in the film's released department. With the exception of The Avengers and the latest Bourne film, everything else I saw theatrically was either terrible or just okay, the latter being films like Skyfall and Lincoln. I still hold out hope for Django Unchained, my most anticipated film of the year, but here's hoping 2013 will be an improvement. I'm tired of sitting in the theater thinking, “Did I like that? Why not?”
A Law Prohibiting Those Gawd-arful Vocalist Talent Shows- I don't care if you enjoy them. These shows have not only out-stayed their welcome, they've become a detriment to creativity. I won't even mention originality because it stirs too much controversy. By taking the concept of the local talent show and turning it into a national showcase, the producers of shows like American Idle and Such a Voice have caused music to further devolve into little more than a backing track for fabricated celebrities who've earned none of their fame and add nothing to the overall human condition. Think I'm being too lofty? That makes you part of the problem. While these bubble-gum turds might have a place, they're the equivalent of Harlequin romances: Distractions of no consequence that are easily discarded and forgotten.
That's it for now and possibly forever if this list causes a negative backlash or, even worse, people don't find it entertaining. Let me know so I can find a different way to make an ass of myself!