The following is an excerpt from my short story in progress, "The Greatest Story Ever Told, let me Tell You" which is an increasingly not-as-satirical as I'd originally thought tale of Donald Trump for an anthology that will probably decide it's too on the nose. Feel free to give me any feedback that doesn't involve insulting me for daring to parody your great leader:
"You wanna know how I became the Almighty? Simple: I’m a winner. Show me somebody
without an ego and I’ll show you a big, fat loser. Like that Chinese guy, what’s his name? Buddha. What a loser. He’s not a god, he’s not a superhero. He’s nothing, this guy. Pathetic. And fat. What? Skinny? We talking about the same guy? Well, whatever. He’s nothing, this chump. Less than nothing.
But God, now there’s a real man. I first sat down with Him after my VP arranged a meeting and we had a wonderful meeting. He liked me and we had a very productive meeting. I’ve made more deals than just about anybody in the world and I can tell you the deals we worked out were the best every made by anybody ever, But He was old and it was time for a new approach. I mean, he had his time. It was a wonderful time, a really, really good time. He’s a smart guy. The best. Just not as smart as me. We can laugh but it’s true.
So my predecessor, He was down in the dumps because of the losers and haters in the world. My VP thought we could cheer Him by showing Him how we were doing His work on Earth. You know, changing the abortion laws, military marches, regulations that favor bankers so they can safeguard our money. My list of accomplishments is too long to go over in one place. It’s the longest list! I’m not saying it’s longer than the Almighty’s, but I couldn’t help noticing how small his hands were."