Friday, February 17, 2017

Being the Anniversary of the Most Difficult Loss.

Back in November of last year, I posted a tribute to my mother-in-law because it was her birthday and because she'd passed away nine months prior surrounded by loved ones. Today marks the anniversary of her passing and I think it suitable and appropriate to repost my wife's words concerning her memories of her mother and the horrible pain she is experiencing (The original post and picture of their hands follows this one):

"Tonight at 9:10pm, I watched you pass away. I grabbed your hand (Chris took the pic while crying) and immediately realized I felt the most devastating loss I could imagine. It caused a physical pain in my chest that went all the way through to my shoulders and back. I got in bed with you and held you for a while and then somehow felt a presence that never left me.
My life immediately changed forever. You weren't just my mom, you had told me since I was a tiny girl that I was... your best friend and through my entire life that it was, "Always just you and me, my girl." 


 12 months have gone by and although your constant presence has been felt by even Chris and especially the dog, I miss hearing my phone ring 5 times a day. I miss you calling me at 9pm at work to go for "just a little bite to eat," because that was our thing. Many times you would just to drive through our old neighborhood where you, me and Cliff lived. You always wanted to see the home you had to leave in 2001.


 You lived for being around people your whole life. You loved music. You loved art. You LOVED the lakes and ocean and especially the east coast. You loved lighthouses. You loved the sound of ships sounding their horns. You loved birds, penguins, elephants, and dogs and you were kind to all living creatures. You loved Winter but also the look of an English garden. You loved your faith. You loved academics. You marveled at science and even metaphysics. You had every book on longevity and the mind and you refused the idea of giving up the fight. You cried and laughed equally. We would make each other laugh and also scream our heads off at each other only to hold hands and say, "I love you forever." 


 Our song sing I was tiny was, " You and Me Against the World," and we danced to it at my wedding. I waited nearly 41 years to get married and mamma you walked me down the aisle and I would never have it any other way.


 Life has grown cold and empty for me these past 12 months and time has stood still. I don't sleep and I've somehow grown very old in my eyes. I love you, my best friend and mamma. I didn't give up on you then and my heart will never forget. Love you more.


And mamma...it's still you and me."


At 9:10pm on Wednesday, February 17th, in the year of our Lord, Two Thousand-Sixteen, my mamma and my world passed away.
A light of the world went dark and the ...spark of light in me went dark with her forever.
There are no appropriate words. There is no comfort. I've been here several times. But mamma...my mamma.
There is no mamma. I will love you with my dying breath

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