Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #9- Vaguely Humorus Edition

There isn't much to laugh at right now and any attempts are no doubt strained. However, even in the midst of bleak tragedy, there will always be idiots sent forth to amuse us. That's why I'm starting with

Florida Man got Elected to Office to Share a Cure: A County Commissioner from Florida whose last name, of course, is Culpepper claimed he had found a Covid-19 cure which he happily shared with the world. Citing a non-existent doctor on a non-existent segment on the One America News Network. That miracle cure? A blowdryer aimed right up the nose. That's right. According to Culpepper, since the nasal passages are the wettest part of us (no comments, please) the blowdryer can be used to kill the virus before it moves on to the lungs. Culpepper was later called out on his cure claim and issued an apology for instilling false hope. His reasoning? He was trying to give hope to those without health insurance. Let's file this one under well-intentioned/indicative of our healthcare system.

China and the Gay Mafia are to Blame: One of the many truly frightening things about the Trump administration is how so many of them, sans Trump, of course, are insane religious fanatics. Case in point: Ralph Drollinger, a minister who leads  morning prayer meetings every Wednesday for the president's cabinet. In a series of blog posts and *ahem* "study guides," the former college basketball player turned clergyman alludes to God's judgment without fully commiting to the idea that this particular virus is the outcome of it. He did, however, mention the Chinese as if they maliciously released the virus on us, also as if they haven't suffered the most from it so far. He also, somewhat masterfully, implicated homosexuals and environmentalists. This is the person to whom Mike Pence, Betsy Devos and Ben Carson listen WEEKLY for spiritual guidance. If that isn't tragically and horrifyingly hilarious, what is?

Teenagers Eating Corn are Tired of being Quarantined: If that title doesn't make sense to you, it's probably because you know how to spell "Quarantine," unlike several online folk who spell it like this:

Embiggen the image and see for yourself.


Eye-talians Don't Play: I've already written about the teenagers who think spitting on produce during a global poandemic is cool and funny, but I'd love to see them give that a try in Italy. If this video of a man getting his ass handed to him for spitting on produce is any indication, Italian justice suits the offense.

Profiteering, it's not just for Vulture Capitalists Anymore: We all know there's a whole pond of scum doing their level best to profit from his horrible tragedy from Hobby Lobby CEO David Green, who refuses to close for "shelter in place" orders unless the power is turned off and various other businessmen and politicians. But who says it has to all be negative? Well, certainly not whoever compiled the list pictured below:

Ah, gallows humor. Eases the pain...for about eight seconds.

I'll see myself out, but first, a meme that is both poignant and funny, especially to this kaiju fan:

"Besides, he'll probably only kill the slower, elderly people and I'm sure they're willing to sacrifice themselves so the economy doesn't collapse!"

More to come~



Read previous Dispatch here.