"After the Kool-Aid is Gone" Kindle Edition Available

 

With the Kindle release of the anthology pictured to the left that features my short story, "The Gipper Memorandum" and a host of other timely tales comes also the fact that it is being released during Domestic Violence Awareness month. Due to this and the fact that the publisher is a domestic violence survivor, a portion of the sale of each copy will go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Order your copy now for only $2.99 by clicking here.

I'll return to update you on the paper copy once it's available for you old school types like me.

The Cover of my Next Anthology Appearance Finally Unveiled!!!

 

Here is the final cover for "After the Kool-Aid is Gone," the latest anthology to feature one of my short stories and, I assume, short stories by a bunch of other people. Okay, no assumption is necessary. I've met then online. They exist and they're extremely talented. But enough about them. My story is the one that features the true reason behind the Reagan assassination attempt and the inhuman creature that controls our destinies.

I love the retro political cartoon look, serving as a not-so-subtle reminder that we have been here before and will be again.

Soon to be released, "ATKIG" as the hipsters are calling it, is another timely anthology that really shows how well art and technology can work together, especially when the world is rapidly descending into the cosmic toilet.

More on this anthology once it's available for preorder~

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days#14- Rain & Marches on Inconvenience

Photo credit: Associated Press

"The highest form of intelligence… is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”  -Bill Bullard

It should be clear to anyone who's been paying attention that individuals such as the ones pictured above have either a total misunderstanding of or a profound lack of regard for the above quote. These are, simply put, people whose time spent reveling in juvenalia never ended and has now manifested itself as something well beyond tragic or even amusing.

The concept of freedom to the protestors of mild inconvenience, the weak-willed sadsacks who shamelessly moan about their First World problems, is one of doing whatever the hell one wants without regard for or responsibility to anyone else. Coupled with good old-fashioned doses of racism, sexism, religious fundamentalism, anti-science rhetoric, and impotent rage, mild inconvenience becomes raison d'etre.

The irony that most of these Michigan marches against safety from a currently incurable virus have been rained out is not lost on me. While not a believer, I am certainly open to the possibility that the God they claim supports every moronic utterance from their misinformed mouths has had enough. I mean, what God worth its long white beard would find so-called "haircut protests" in the midst of a global pandemic worthy? I'll tell ya what kind: One that understands how much it sucks to not be able to get your roots done!

Praise the Lawd and pass the hair dye!

Will these people, assuming they survive all the interacting with potentially infected like-minded types, ever have the presence of mind to look back on their actions and realize how stupidly they were acting? Let's not hold our breath...unless they're walking past us, because those idiots are walking petrie dishes.

On the Western side of Michigan, where I'm convinced there must be some type of radiation leak or brainwashing facility, the virus spread has increased because, surprise-surprise, that's where a lot of the protestors live! Can you imagine if something like this catches on? Protest an unstoppable virus by congregating with people and then going home. Why, with that type of dedication, we could wipe out half of humanity in a matter of years.

But let's not dwell on the people who are upset because they can't get haircuts and eat inside restaurants that are still providing curbside carryout. We're in Idiocracy Phase Two now. Governor Whitmer is slowly reopening the state, a move no doubt brought on by pressures from the militia-minded Northern Michiganders who refused to accept her authority because she's an uppity female Democrat. The places that have remained opened all along, the essential stores, are requiring that their customers wear masks, so naturally these Nobel Laureates have taken that little factoid and turned it into some demented crusade against fear and being told what to do.

Apparently there's no braver way to stand up for one's freedumbs than to square off against a virus (it helps if you believe it's a conspiracy to keep Donald Trump from getting reelected even though Trump himself admits the virus is real) by telling it you ain't a'scared of nothin'. I remember once when a tornado ripped through Michigan, I stood on a rooftop and said, "Bitch, please." You best believe it backed off!

So now these would be Rosa Parks's are attacking store employees for enforcing the "mask it or casket" rule. In the interest of fairness, it isn't just steretypical flag-waving so-called "Rednecks" acting this way either. Take a look at what happened in Flint. But that incident, repugant as it was, seems to be an outlier. Most of the perpetators are white males and females with grossly exaggerrated senses of their importance.

It isn't always resulting in violence, however. Take "Flat-Earther Karen" as an example. Her clearly rehearsed, sad gambit to strike a blow for the unmasked is just one example. Another is this jerk.

What's fascinating about this situation is how these same people, drooling along with Rush Limbaugh and the Fox News pundits, supported the Citizens United Supreme Court Decisin to grant corporatins personhood. That makes them private, sovereign citizens with rights equal to (although any thinking person knows they're more equal than we are) any walking, talking, gun-totin' 'Murican. Private entities can require us to do whatever they deem necessary. They're not infringing on our rights, they're exercising theirs. I would urge all of the protestors to think long and hard about that.

And next time we'll deal with the dual issues of you believing nobody is an expert while accepting anecdotal evidence and how you keep confusing illegality with executive orders. In the meantime, I'd tell you to be safe but you won't, so stay the hell away from those of us who are~

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #10- Personal Edition

There aren't going to be any attempts at clever sub-headlines this time around. I'm rapidly burning out anyway and besides, my observational instincts are waning under the strain of this pandemic. As of right now, all I have are my own thoughts, feelings and reactions. Apologies in advance if this Dispatch doesn't bring comfort on, at the very least, the "we're all in this together" level.

Residing in the Covid-19 epicenter of Michigan is a sobering experience. Any hope, any faith in humanity I might have somehow stored up over the years of disappointment and revulsion have evaporated like a water stain on the concrete in summer. Even I, cynic that I am, never realized just how stupid, how arrogant, and how self-destructive most people are until I watched them ignore something as simple as social distancing on a daily basis.

From my vantage point, I can see two grocery stores, both of which are packed from the moment they open until they close two hours earlier than normal. How much panic buying can people do? More importantly, what the hell did they do with all the food and supplies they bought previously? Are we such a consumer culture that people can't conceive of actually holding onto the thigs  they buy instead of consuming and going back for more? If you're wondering whether or not these simpletons are gloved and masked, while I don't have an actual scientific study to show you, my own observation is that maybe one out of four is masked and nobody is gloved. That means these panic shoppers are potentially shedding virus on a regular basis.

I guess that explains why, as of this writing, Michigan now has over 5,000 confirmed cases of Covid-19.

I have not stepped foot inside a building in over a week and have been home for over two weeks. When I went, I had no choice but to go because my wife's prescriptions needed to be picked up. This was at Walmart, where literally no one was social distancing, forcing me to jump, dodge and backwards run like an olympic athlete. Because of that brief excursion into virus hell, I am now in week two of hoping no symptoms manifest.

Let's not lay all of the blame on the customers, however. The stores should also be doing their part. They should agressively limit the duplicate items people can purchase as well as the amount of people who can enter the store at any given time. Time limits on shopping should also be imposed. Instead, I watch clumps of people at a store with a security guard enter and exit all the live-long day, often pausing to stand right next to one another.

So, I am lucky enough to have a grocery store right across from my house during an emergency but because of idiots shopping there and the greedy corporation running it, I can't step foot inside. Additionally, my attempts at ordering online for delivery have been stymied by an over-abundance of people using it and a possible workers strike based on complaints of the company not providing appropriate protections. An order I placed at a different store four days ago will hopefully arrive two days hence, while the order I placed with the store that is literally across the street cannot give me a delivery date. Under normal circumstances, this would be absurd, considering the delivery driver could literally walk across the street.

Clearly we're living in an insane time, a fact compounded by the way people are reacting. Americans are like children in so many ways. I've always said we're the adolescents of the international community, a young nation still trying to assert its uniqueness and not let the old farts tell us how to live our lives. To borrow an expression I detest, Americans are constantly saying, "Okay, boomer" to the rest of the planet.

What about Canada, you say? They're even younger. True. Canada is the mature, old-soul younger sibling who sees what the obnoxious know-it-all sibling does and goes the opposite way. It's why their prime minister delivers his virus updates alone and our president sits in a room full of sychophants, almost daring the virus to fuck with him. He's not alone either.

People on my Facebook page are posting images and videos of themselves visiting relatives...not just once, but often. I see children in my neighborhood playing with their neighbors. I hear and see morons comparing this pandemic to auto accidents and drawing false parrallels to the flu's death rate as if one can compare a brand new, incurable illness to one our bodies can actually fight. I've been called "melodramatic" by someone who knows better for writing that irresponsible memes claiming the things listed above will lead to deaths, because it will inspire the unintelligent to ignore safety protocols. And if that sounds like hysteria, take a look at the churches that have defied the "stay and shelter" rules and get back to me.

By the way, that isn't me calling churchgoers unintelligent. Millions of intelligent churchgoers are keeping their asses at home as they should. But it only takes a few people to spread a virus:

 

I don't know what's going to happen at this point. I know I haven't felt this level of anxiety since the threat of nuclear war loomed on the horizon before Gorbachev saved us all from that. Back then, we only had to worry about the idiots in government and a handful of jingoistic lunatics on both sides. Now, thanks to thirty-plus years of disinformation and a culture based damn near exclusively on consumption instead of production and invention, we have to worry about everybody doing exactly the wrong thing.

Dispatch Over~

Read previous Disptach here.

Dispatches from the Coronovirus Days #8

I was going to hold off for a while with these posts because I felt they were coming too often, like a lousy lover, but as is the current trend and in the words of Jeffrey Lebowski, "new shit has come to light, man." So, this edition comes to you courtesy of selfish, heedless assholes who just might kill us all.

America's Wang is Dangling: In a new development that should come as no surprise to anybody, the State of Florida has 1,412 confirmed cases of Coronavirus. That brings the death toll to 18. Now why do you suppose their cases skyrocketed? Could it be because their Governor kept one thumb in his mouth and the other in his ass when he should have followed WHO and CDC recommendations to shut down his fucking beaches? Instead, he thought he would wait a little while longer so idiots could party close to one another. God only knows how many of those people have left the state to go home and infect more of us. Meanwhile, Florida is dealing with a signifcant uptick, which is probably why

They Paved Paradise & Put up a Hospital: Suddenly, off in the distance, a new crop springs forth from the ground in Florida. It isn't edible or even decorative, it's a 250-capacity hospital. More specifically, it's a field hospital like the kind used during wartime. It isn't known if it will be for Covid-19 infected patients or an overfow facility for those who don't have the virus. And while the necessity is clear, the message being sent is muddled. Next time there's a pandemic or some other crisis, morons know their heedless partying will be rewarded with extra facilities. Happy birthday, humanity!

All the World's a Failed CEO's Playground: Donald Trump said -- who am I kidding? -- Donald Trump Tweeted that he basically wants the country back up and running by Easter, which is April 12th. Consulting his own "very big brain," the reality TV star turned president seems to think we can beat back a virus that has no antibodies or vaccine to combat it because 'Murica's colors don't run and there's money to made. He has demonsrated both a stunningly clueless grasp of the situation and a disgusting level of misguided self-preservation during the entire pandemic. Now he wants to ignore experts to whom his massive ego will not allow him to defer all in the name of keeping the economy going so he can try and win reelection in November. It is also possible his childlike state of mind preventrs him from truly comprehending the scope and magnitude of this. IN other words, Trump is literally the worst president in the history of the United States to be dealing with this crisis. It isn't "melodramatic" to say this idiot is going to get a lot of Americans killed.

"Pandemic" is just another word for "Party": The well-to-do town of Westport, Connecticut now has the highest amount of positive for Covid-19 people in the state. The reason seems to be partially due to a 40th birthday party that involved lots of people who then took the virus with them to other places. This was on March 5th, when we knew the virus was coming. So, while at least one official feels it's unfair for the media to have seized upon this story, it's difficult to ignore yet another collection of self-absorbed affluent assholes living as if they have no responsibility to their fellow humans. Because of this no doubt lovely soiree, a contagion has spread even faster. That doesn't mean they deserve some of the online abuse they've received but they definitely deserve harsh critcism for being no different than the simpletons at the beaches in Florida.

Are you there, God? It's me, Common Decency: One wonders if, when horror novelist Bentley Little wrote "The Store," he was inspired by Hobby Lobby. The arts and crafts chain, a non-essential business if ever there was one, is fighting tooth and claw to remain open in spite of the "stay and shelter" mandates occuring all over the United States. First there were the CEO's bullshit claims that his "prayer warrior" wife received a catchphrase from God that let them know they should stay open, which I wrote about previously. Now another leaked memo details the absolute evil that is Hobby Lobby's policy towards its employees. I will be writing a separate piece on that in the next day or so.

This is why we Call them Anti-vaxxers: Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear is pissed off, and rightly so. Recently, some vapid "Dr. Mom" type floated a question online wondering if anybody was planning "Coronavirus parties," where so-called mothers gather their children in the hopes that they all become horribly sick and build an immunity to the targeted disease. The woman was quickly criticized for even contemplating such an ass-stupid idea with a virus that humans have no immunity against, prompting her to use the same tired, logic-deficient "a mommy knows best" assertion that has brought back the old, cured diseases thanks to the anti-vax movement. How quickly idiotic concept turns into life-threatening execution. That's why the Governor of Kentucky is so upset. It isn't clear if this was an adult party or not but when it comes to Covid-19, that hardly makes a difference.


Governor Whitmer put her foot down on March 23rd and issued a mandate that all non-essential businesses close by midnight and everybody stay the hell home. Meanwhile, the grocery store across the street from my house was filled with people not maintaining a six foot distance. It was nice, however, to see fewer cars on the main road nearby. Considering Michigan's largest hospital system is nearly maxed out on beds and equipment, staying home is our only semblance of a defense against this thing. I can't believe I'm even writing this. It's like living in a medical thriller by Robin Cook or Michael Crichton, neither of whom I particularly care for. In fact, I really dislike those types of novels.

I always wanted to know what life was like in a science fictional universe, just not the kind that involved unbeatable diseases and clueless imbeciles running the show.

I wish I could tell you how my spirits are; I'm too numb. I think I'll end the Dispatch here. 


Read the previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #7

This edition comes to you directly from the armpit of humanity, displaying some of the worst excuses for land mammals to ever trod upon the Earth. When you're done with this Dispatch, any vestiges of faith you had in your fellow hairless bi-peds will be flushed straight down into the sewer of eternity.
So let's begin with a trip into Satan's asscrack, also know as

Nazis and White Supremacists: Despite Donald Trump's assertions that there are "Some good people" amongst this swine, even he would be hardpressed to find anything redeemable about what many of them are encouraging one another to do during a global pandemic. According to the FBI, online chatter from the Master Race seems singularly focused on spreading Covid-19 to law enforcement officers and Jews. They've gone as far as to look into placing their disgusting bodily secretions into spray bottles to use on the aforementioned targets. This is, of course, because they blame the Jewish people for the creation and spread of the virus and law enforcement are seen as their stooges and servants. It's difficult not to hope those who wind up with the virus become too sick to leave their beds. Anything beyond that will remain unspoken...here at least.

Florida Man, Make Way for Florida Woman:  In most cases, we can laugh at the outrageous behavior of the various weirdoes and malcontents who embody the catch-all Florida Man. So perhaps it naturally follows that if Florida Man is mostly a souce of amusement, Floria Woman is probably, well, a bitch and a lowlife in a different way. Enter this slice of scumbag pie. Not only is she hoarding toilet paper by buying up the dollar store's entire stock, but she openly admits to planning on selling it at a markup. She could have said she was buying them to distribute to elderly shut-ins but that sentiment wouldn't jibe with her "Go, Donald Trump!" non-sequitir. It's good that the woman filming her kept her composure but let's not forget that the dollar store let the lowlife buy up their stock in this first place.

Teens Coughing on Produce: It's not just a Disgusting Porn Site Search Term Anymore: Teenagers think everything stupid is funny. They always have. It's part of the developmental process that turns psychopathic assholes into lesser assholes as the hormone surges subside with age. Sadly,  an entire generation has grown up thinking meager slices of so-called online "fame" somehow justify their forays into idiocy. Case in point: Coughing on produce during a global pandemic and then posting a video of it online. The incident to which this post refers occured in Virginia at an undisclosed grocery store where the workers removed the potentally infected produce immediately. According to Virginia police, this is not an isolated incident either. Their Facebook page mentions a disturbing trend around the U.S.

And finally, because no descent into human pond scummery would be complete without at least one politician's amoral conduct,

A Global Pandemic, you say? Get my Stockbroker on the Phone: In the movie Contagion, Laurence Fishburne's CDC doctor character faces losing his job because he warns a friend to get out of her hometown before the pendemic reaches her. It's a moral gray area and something almost anybody would do in real life. Less ethically and morally ambiguous are the responses of some Republican senators and at least one husband of a Democrat who, upon hearing of the impending Covid-19 outbreak, did what any caring, empathetic human being would. They sold their stocks in companies facing devaluing. Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, head of the Senate Intelligence Committee, sold upwards of $1.7 million. In response to the calls for his immediate resignation, he basically said, "OH, is that why you thought I did it? Nah, I am just a really smart investor!" Everybody else claimed they have investors doing the work for them so they were unaware of the sales.

More to come~



Read Previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #6

Don't Stand, Walk, Lurk or Exist So Close to Me: I waited a few days to do another Dispatch because this thing has apparently taken off in some small way and I wanted to let readers catch up before I started again. As we all should know by now in these days of global pandemic, staying home and maintaining a distance of six feet from others is the recommended way to slow down the virus's progress. Slow down, not stop. There is no stopping it yet. This thing is the ultimate invisible predator, able to live on surfaces and in the air. But it can also be killed with soap and water and bleach. However, those things aren't going to curb its advance so stop going to the fucking grocery store with your entire family, unmasked, un-gloved and not maintaining distance!

The Few, The Masked, the Aware: Naturally, I have a real-life example or two because I try not to pull things out of the virus-infected air.  Today at a certain higher-caliber supermarket, I was one of five people in the entire store wearing masks. Even the staff was walking around without gloves. And nobody was maintaining a six foot distance. In fact, one woman seemed to be everywhere I wanted to go, standing either right in front of me or to my side. So, I'm not proud of it but I started coughing in my mask. Suddenly social distancing seemed to become her number one priority.

Brief Scare: The night before last, my asthmatic wife who has been dealing with an upper respiratory infection we're almost positive is not Covid-19 had an excacerbation. In case you're unfamiliar with what that is, read all about it. The last time she had one this severe, she wound up in the hospital for a week; that was when her chuldhood asthma became chronic. Back then she didn't have all the equipment and medication to treat it. Despite all that, it still looked really bad and normally we would have taken her to the hospital, but the pandemic has made that nearly impossible right now. Also, since her pulmonologist says I can't be in the room for three hours after she uses her breathing treatment, I slept downstairs. The next morning, I heard sirens nearby. That's not unusual because of how close we live to a hospital, but when they suddenly stopped and it sounded like the vehicle stopped right outside my house, my first thought, "Oh, no. She called 911 from upstairs." But I was wrong. The EMS was across the street at the grocery store, where I saw someone being wheeled out on a gurney. You can probably guess I didn't shop there like I had planned.

Finally, the Writer Makes a Literary Reference: I didn't create the image above. The attribution seems to belong to a librarian named Louise Darlington. Frankly, it couldn't be more accurate. I mean, we've reached a point where nearly every title listed is a plausible outcome both for the U.S. and the planet. In fact, I could easily see most of these combining into one big fat dystopia. I've been telling people for years to listen to the science fiction writers. Now we're living it.

Some Heroes Don't Wear Capes or Masks: Italy isn't only Ground Zero for the pandemic in Europe, it's also a prime example of what can happen in America if we don't handle this outbreak properly. Five more Italian doctors have died  fighting this thing. Two of them were 70-year old retirees who returned to the field to help out. Lack of supplies such as gloves and masks continue to take a toll in Italy, where over 8% of its medical workers have died from the virus. Meanwhile, in the Hoarding States of America, our own medical professionals are posting frantically online about how they also don't have masks and gloves. Dr. Oz even called it our "patriotic duty" to not hoard masks and, in fact, to go without them.

Beach Blanket a-gone-gone: Finally, after allowing way too many people to potentially infect one another on its beaches, America's Wang's governor ordered them shut down. Governor Ron DeSantis (R) said, "The Party's over in Florida" after video of idiotic springbreakers proudly defying the CDC recommendations in the name of partying and being stupid went viral. Too little, too late.

Shit Just Got Realer(er): As I was writing this latest Dispatch and about to end with the current trend of teenagers licking groceries and videoing themselves, I heard voices outside and walked over to the window to investigate. A large SUV sat at the stop sign with its emergency lights flashing. Assuming the person was having car trouble, I went back to writing until, a few minutes later, I noticed red lights reflecting off the wall over my wife's head. We both went to see what was happening and there was a EMS, the second one outside my house today, parked with people working in the back on someone. I could see one of them wearing a mask. When the other one emerged from the back, he got behind the wheel and they drove off slowly. The SUV was nowhere to be seen. Obviously it could have been anything that caused them to call 911 but the liklihood that it was Covd-19 related is too high to ignore.

I think I'll stop writing now~



Read the previous Dispatch here.

The Anthology with Legs (and probably feet but who can know these things?)

While this anthology is no longer the number one anthology of its kind on Amazon, it is still receiving positive reviews. And my story, "Ultimate Messiah Smackdown" stands out with more than one reader.

The most recent reviewer wrote, "Ultimate Messiah Smackdown was a great critique and snarky..."

Of course, he also goes on to point out a typo that was missed by both the editor and me, but such is life. I'll do better next time.

Another reader wrote of the entire anthology, "One of the best collections...I've read" and another wrote, "Definitely read this book. The writers are excellent."

I'm guessing that includes me :)



Pick up a copy of the anthology by clicking here.

The Dreaded Author Interview Questionnaire.

Every so often, a publisher in whose anthology my work is set to appear gets the idea that introducing the world to the likes of me is a positive thing. It certainly makes sense. Readers like to know who the authors are and how their minds work when it comes to their craft. It also increases the author's web presence and (potentially) places the publisher in the position of having brought the author to the world's attention either before or during a rise to some prominence. At least, that's the optimistic view.

Some authors feel pressured to not come off sounding like morons when they answer theirs. I don't worry about that; my concern is sounding pretentious and full of myself. I'm not a filmmaker, so that particular trait wouldn't be very becoming. In order to counter that, I tend to use humor in my responses except where seriousness gets my point across. The interviewers seem to enjoy it.

It's been a while since I've filled one out, but the time has come again thanks to B Cubed Press, which was already kind enough to create a page for me based on one published work with them. The questions are refreshingly unique and mildly intimidating so let's see what I can accomplish this time!

(Obviously I'll post a link when it's available)

New Anthology Release

The second of two anthologies being released this week featuring short stories written by me is available here on August 15th. This one features my libel-free story, "The Last Big Gamble." I honestly consider it one of the best things I've written and would love to know your opinion. Yes, even if you consider it pretentious rubbish.

My Trump Satire is Now Available on Kindle!!!

When I wrote my Trump satire for an anthology looking for Trump satire, I knew I was writing something so specific that is the editors didn't want it, it was unlikely that I would find another group that did. So, I vowed to self-publish the story in that case and here it is for the bargain basement price of 99 cents!

This is the first Kindle publication I've done in about six years. Feel free to leave a review if you do decide to purchase it. As always, all reviews are welcome, whether positive, negative or indifferent. Not that I have the power to remove them anyway!

Click here for the feel-good experience of a lifetime! It's the best feel-good experience. You've never seen a better one, I can tell you. Everybody loves it. It's tremendous!

It's Not Always About Getting Published

I recently queried an editor who is compiling an anthology of alternative theology stories. Without getting too deeply into what that means, suffice to say I had a feeling my previously published story about the White Republican Jesus confronting the actual historical Jesus while mindless Americans cheered him on might be what they were looking for. Unfortunately, I sent the query after the submission acceptance period had closed. Here is the thread, starting with my letter (His are in quotes):

I was wondering if you are accepting reprints for this anthology? I have one in which Evangelical Jesus and Actual Jesus have a war words in the street. it was originally published in a for-charity anthology I edited.

-Christopher Nadeau

"We have closed it, but I have a practice of reading late submissions and if they knock my socks off I say screw it if schedule allows and include them.  I have the joy of writing the checks and so I get to make those decisions.  Send it and I’ll read it."

Thanks! Whether you say yes or no to this one, you just made the list of my top five favorite editors with that reply!

Story attached.

"I like this very much.  I’ll know in the next thirty days if I’ve got any room, I have two other stories in the same space.  If room opens up, depending on what drops out, I’ll let you know. 

That isn’t an acceptance or rejection, but it is definitely worthy of the anthology, if room presents itself."

I told him I understood and thanked him; sometimes just knowing that someone would print your story if they were able can be satisfying in its own right.

I've been Indexed.

I'm not sure what it means, but two of what I consider my best short stories are listed on the Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Weird Fiction Magazine Index. They are:

Killing the Creation- A tale of a grieving father's quest to get answers for the untimely death of his daughter directly from the source of all creation, and

And What's Left of the World's a Better Place for it- In which a young scientist discovers the building she has lived in all her life is not the whole world after all.

click here for the links.

The Secret to Writing Donald Trump as a Short Story Subject.

It's really simple to write about Donald Trump in a fictional context because, ultimately, he is a living work of fiction. Nothing about him is genuine except his unerring propensity for absolute, unadulterated self-promoting horseshit. So really, he is the very essence of a caricature of a real person. The problem lies in knowing how to handle this knowledge. He's such an easy target that one could be accused of taking unfair advantage or going for the cheap shot with practically every sentence. He isn't a protagonist I would normally attempt in my writing except I happened to read about an anthology looking for parotic tales starring his royal orange majesty.

How did I figure out what to do? I decided to let the man speak for himself. Only a first person narrative could come close to capturing his word salad, nonsense diatribes. I also decided it was better to avoid turning Trump into a parody since he already is one. To try and take a ridiculous character like him and make him more ridiculous would be...well, you know.

So, it works better to let Trump be Trump and make the situation ludicrous or impossible. Directly quoting him is a good method as well, but it's also fun to write new dialogue that sounds enough like him to fool people into wondering whether or not he actually said it. I first cut my teeth on that one by using the Fake Trump Tweet app. Only the ones that insulted me as a writer were obvious to people.

The story is clipping right along and will probably be finished soon. Then the beta reader(s) get to read it and tell me how much it sucks so I can do a rewrite or two or twelve. Then I'll send it to the anthology and hope for the best. If it's rejected, I'm going to do something I don't normally do and self-publish it since it's far too specific to send elsewhere. That's why I rarely send to anthologies that want such particular submissions, but this was too much fun to pass up.

"The Handmaid's Tale"- The Struggle was Real!

When I was much younger, my mother was my source for literature. She was my internet, albeit a far more learned and well-read source than most of the ones I encounter virtually. She introduced me to science fiction, Stephen King and Ray Bradbury. And even when my own tastes formed and I started branching away from what I considered her safer, more by-the-numbers interests, I never stopped respecting her opinions, as they were informed and well-expressed. I have, in fact, tried to live my life in a similar fashion.

So when I finally decided to give Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale" a chance, I found myself struggling with that respect in the worst sort of post-mortem way.

"What the hell, Mom?" I said to her memory. "Were you drunk?"

Realizing that was a horrible thing to ask a diabetic even if she's no longer among the living, I retracted that question and instead said, "Dude, seriously?" because nothing thrilled my mother more than being addressed as "Dude."

In fact, she loved it so much she appeared in my family room seconds after I said it.

"What's your problem?" she said.

"Nice to see you, too." I held up the copy of "The Handmaid's Tale" I'd borrowed from work and shook it in her direction. "But since you asked, this is my problem. Excuse my Swahili, but what the hell were you thinking?"

"You didn't care for it, I presume?" My mother's eyebrows were always thin and fine, yet somehow they became darker and bushier when she raised them in disdain.

"You presume correctly, Doctor Nadeau. You talked this book up throughout my teen years, made me think it was an untouchable, brilliant masterpiece of social commentary, and--"

"And?"

"And I'd like to know if you were still in the process of getting your meds adjusted at the time."

She crossed her arms and sighed. "You know damn well I never took anything except Insulin and pain meds later on in life."

Nodding, I said, "Which brings us to the real issue, then. I mean, I know we disagreed on matters of taste when I got older. You kind've settled into a comfort zone, most likely due to your health issues and all."

She shrugged. "Probably a safe assessment. I always said you should have gone into psycho-analysis."

"One shrink in the family was enough. But my point is, setting aside the clearly intriguing concept, this is one of the dullest books I've read in years."

"All right." She uncrossed her arms and took a seat across from me. "Why?"

I sat as well. "For starters, the writing is bland and self-conscious."

"How much of it did you actually read?"

"I got through the first two chapters."

A heavy sigh. "Christopher,is it possible you'd like it more if you stuck with it?"

"Yes. It's also possible I could learn to like electrocution if I keep my feet dunked in water."

At this point, her image shimmered as if someone had flicked the lights off and on. I asked her if she was okay and she smiled. "What else didn't you like about it?"

I went into greater detail then. I told her how even though it accomplished the requisite task of establishing its universe early on, it never felt genuine. It felt, in fact, like a preachy commentary piee with a thinly disguised parable as its artful dodge. I concluded with the fact that the entire concept is wrapped in a cozy cocoon of white middle class feminism that presumes only gender divides stand between people and freedom.

"Okay, fair enough," she said. "But are you sure it's the book you're upset about or is it the fact that you're disappointed in my praise of it?"

I dropped the book onto the floor and stomped on it twice. "The book."

She grinned, telling me I hadn't lost my flair for the dramatic. "It's okay that you didn't care for it. If I taught you nothing else, I hope it was to develop your own tastes and be able to defend them. You've done that. So, why am I here?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's been years since I've had the opportunity to berate you. I've missed it."

She smiled that smile I can only recall in spontaneous memories or maybe sometimes find in an old photograph and said, "I miss you, too."

I watched her shimmer again, this time fading a bit. Our time was nearly up, then. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, sweetie."

"Book still sucked, though."

And as she faded, I'm not entirely sure, but I think she flipped me off~

Quote of the Week.

(Cocaine) Makes you think you're smarter than everyone else. Makes you talk too much. Makes you think you're incredibly attractive even when you're fat and old. Makes you think you're on top of the world even when everything is falling apart.

Does that make you think of anyone?

-Tad Williams

  

Ten Things Genre Fiction Needs to Lose in Order to Not Succumb to Irrelevance: A Highly Subjective List

Get your butthurt cream ready, folks 'cause this list is sure to upset hardcore fanboys and girls alike! And to add insult to perceived injury, I'm not going to explain my rationale, mainly because if you're someone who can't conceive of science fiction, fantasy or horror without these elements, you're part of what I dislike about the current direction of that particular field of pop culture, and unlikely to change. Nor am I interested in getting you to do so. Unlike the typical fanatic, I'm fine with my interests and opinions being my own and yours as well.

This list merely fleshes out what I find objectionable, tiresome and obnoxious in the genre. It is by no means a call to arms. So, ease that thumb off that keypad, take a swig of something awful and ignore everything below in favor of your favorite stuff!

10. Vampires.

9. Zombies.

8. Self-referencing pop culture (attempted) parodies.

7. Cinematic superheroes who can't stop spouting one-liners (unless they're Spiderman).

6. YA Dystopia.

5. Main protagonists with Daddy Issues who save the day anyway. (With the exceptions of "All our Wrong Todays" and "How to Live in a Science Fictional Universe."

4. Love of video games being used to tell dull, listless tales of uber-nerds saving the world.

3. Constant depictions of dark, depressing futures where all hope lies in escape.

2. Endless series books that stretch a premise well beyond its breaking point.

1. Heroes, male and fermale alike, who are merely extensions of a sociopolitical agenda (this goes for liberals and conservatives) at the expense of story or, even worse, extensions of the author's self-fulfilling fantasy life.

There. That's it. I'm well aware I probably commit some of the above "sins" at times, although I do try to reinvent the wheel whenever I have to start spinning.

Come at me if you must~