Quote of the Month

 The Quote of the Month comes on the very last day of January from a Facebook poster responding to mental furball Candace Owens' latest idiotic comment (below):

The quote follows:

"Why do conspiracy theorists question everything but the conspiracy theory?"

The Cover of my Next Anthology Appearance Finally Unveiled!!!

 

Here is the final cover for "After the Kool-Aid is Gone," the latest anthology to feature one of my short stories and, I assume, short stories by a bunch of other people. Okay, no assumption is necessary. I've met then online. They exist and they're extremely talented. But enough about them. My story is the one that features the true reason behind the Reagan assassination attempt and the inhuman creature that controls our destinies.

I love the retro political cartoon look, serving as a not-so-subtle reminder that we have been here before and will be again.

Soon to be released, "ATKIG" as the hipsters are calling it, is another timely anthology that really shows how well art and technology can work together, especially when the world is rapidly descending into the cosmic toilet.

More on this anthology once it's available for preorder~

Order it and Read it While it's Still Timely...and While There's Still Time!

MY DIPLOMA FINALLY ARRIVED!!!

Now I can speak and write with authority!

Open Letter to the Participants of "Operation: Gridlock"

Dear Inconsiderate, Uncaring, Self-Absorbed Children,

This video probably makes you feel proud. Actually, anything where you can be seen acting like spoiled fools probably accomplishes that and, thanks to the Internet, you can gain that satisfaction pretty much as often as you would like. And while I recognize the inherent risk of providing yet another, albeit smaller format for your stupidity, the gain from exposing you far outweighs it.

As I wrote two posts prior, yours is a movement filled with ill-informed, selfish, ignorant people who value the economy above the well-being of your fellow human beings. Many of you aren't shy about admitting it, either. Take this prize-winning scholar, for example who,  a woman asked him how he felt about doing exactly what is pictured to the left, referred to her as a "fat lesbian" and the "C word":

I know this person's identity and the city he lives in (I have the non-blacked out version) but unlike him and his ilk, I would not post his identity because I believe in actual Freedom, not "Freedumb." Besides, he's certainly not alone, as there are tons of complete pricks just like him espousing similar if not identical douchenozzlery. Apparently, using ANTIFA as some sort of example to justify your own behavior is favored by your movement as well. Basically, you're using a group of extreme left-wingers you despise and find morally bankrupt as your model of behavior. That just shows those of us who are reasonable how intellectually stunted and hypocritical most of you are.

Of course, it's doesn't help that you have opportunistic bastards like this encouraging your stupidity:

I expect this kind of irresponsible rhetoric from bought-and-paid for lowlives like him, but you're supposed to be real people dealing with real-life situations such as the biggest pandemic since 1918. Oh, right. It's all being exaggerrated and blown way out of proportion so the Governor can use fear to launch a coupe de tat against the occupant of the White House who issued similar stay-at-home edicts. The conspiracy theories that have resulted from this are legendary. Here are a few of the truly idiotic ones that you probably believe:

• All hospitals and their workers are part of a vast concpiracy to inflate the numbers of the dead for...reasons.
• This is really the result of 5G technology.
• Bill Gates wants to create a "digitial vaccine" so he can track our every moment. etc.
• The liberal governors (anybody who isn't a Trump ass-kisser) are working in tandem to overthrow the federal government by using the virus as a springbaord for taking away "our freedoms."
• Covid-19 was created in a lab as a weapon or a form of population control.
• The virus was created by Democrats, presumabley with the cooperation of several other countries,to "stop President Trump" because he's so damn awesome.
• (This one is the best!) It's part of a long-range plan to turn people into cyborgs!

Under normal circumstances, all of those would be prime fodder for lots and lots of amusing quips and you would be easily dismissed as mental furballs. But online culture has emboldended all of you and turned you into more of a unified uber-twit, ready to do battle for the right to not be mildly inconvenienced from mowing lawns and planting gardens in 30-degree temperatures. Boy, you're really showing that commie Whitmer by creating a traffic jam in the capitol!

I'm sure you take great pride in causing ambulances carrying people who might be dying to slow to a crawl because your cars are in the way. I'm sure you take great pleasure in defying social distancing guidelines like rebellious teenagers, at least until you start feeling sick in a couple weeks. I'm not wishing that on you, that's just how the virus works. And you are basically inviting it in by doing everything you can to show that supposed "dicatator" in Lansing. 

If you see her as a tyrant, you must have been seriously pissed off when Trump declared he has "total authority." No? Gee, I wonder why not? You dislike fascism in all its forms, right? Not just when it has lady parts and you didn't vote for it?

Well, leaving aside that unsolvable mystery, I would honestly like to thank you for something. You have done an excellent job of revealing who and, more importantly, what you are. Now we know your names, what many of you do for a living, and what towns and cities you live in. Now we know who won't be getting our business, who we don't want to work for or working for us, and for damn sure who we don't want to live next door to. For that invaluable gift, I am truly grateful.

To the obvious white supremacists among you, the so-called "Proud Boys" who have nothing to be proud of except their false perception that a skin color makes one superior, we see you, too. And despite all the anti-female horseshit that spews forth from the orifices located beneath your noses, despite all the abusive rhetoric you employ against Governor Whitmer, guess what?

So, suck it up, Baby Hitler!

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #12- Idiot Edition

There's a reason my home state of Michigan was home to the Militia movement of the Nineties and that reason has been hammered home repeatedly by the insanity and abject stupidity coming from the group of people who find a stay-at-home quarantine extention to be an attack on their liberties. And what are those liberties, exactly? I think I'll let the words of those opposed to the health and well-being of their fellow humans explain it to you:

On the Facebook page "Michiganders Against Excessive Quartine" someone posted an article from some bullshit site with a headline declaring that only Trump can reopen the country. Below that, some scholar commented," Please do so Sir. Our grezy Country was not met to be on lockdown like this. Time to Make America Great again. We can't do our part under house arrest."

House arrest. That's how these acolytes of Ayn Rand, half of whom probably never heard of her, consider quarantine in the midst of the worst global epidemic since 1918!

Another comment seemed to find the need to equate gay marriage with Covid 19. She wrote, "I remember when we voted as a state, "One Man, One Woman" marriage for our state, federal government under Obama changed it."

Clearly gays wanting equal rights is where this virus came from. The China thing is little more than a cover story for the Gay Mafia's Deepstate Illuminati 5G agenda.

Another person, agreeing that "libruls" need fear to govern (an ironic statement if ever there was one) commented, "Fear is really, really rambid right now and I believe that's all part of the plan!"

I don't know who "Rambid" is, but apparently he has a lot to answer for! Kinda sounds like a French villain in a James Bond movie.

But fear not. This "movement" has a ringleader and he is no disappointment. Looking for all the world like a sleazy used car salesman who moonlights as a Prosperity Gospel preacher, Garrett Soldano is single-handedly fanning the flames of idiocy. Soldano is a practicing chiropractor for whatever that's worth in this situation. I guess because he has "doctor" before his name, that makes him the go-to expert on pandemics for the anti-quarantine crowd. I know that next time one hits, my first stop will be a guy who works on the body's "meridians." However, if you remain unconvinced by his choice of medical practice, he also lists himself on Twitter as, ""AN ENTREPRENEUR, AUTHOR, PHILANTHROPIST, AND A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER."

Sensing his time to shine, Soldano is over all the interwebs telling Michigan residents to "stand tall" against the Governor's attempts to halt the spread of the virus because the economy is more important than people not dying. He also does daily video updates on the aforementioned Facebook page lest anyone start thinking he's a smug, self-promoting opportunist who is seizing a moment for his own personal gain. And naturally, all the ill-informed, selfish residents of Michigan are flocking to this individual for guidance in uncertain times. I guess nothing screams "Constitutional Expert" like a guy who cracks backs and peddles holistic remedies. He won't mind my saying this because, in his own words, "...our fight for our Constitutional rights gets fanned HOTTER by every hate comment against us."

These people aren't limiting their protests to Facebook, however. They're planning a "march" of sorts on April 15th. But instead of standing outside, they plan to gridlock the state capitol in Lansing. So, they're protesting a quarantine by quarantining themselves. Feel free to reread that previous sentence as many times as you need.

So much of this insane rambling can be traced back to the Michigan Militia, a group of alarmist anti-gubmint types who basically shot off guns in the forest, wore fatigues and poisoned the minds of their fellow Michiganders. Now we're dealing with their inheritors.

We can only hope the people with sense still outnumber them.

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #7

This edition comes to you directly from the armpit of humanity, displaying some of the worst excuses for land mammals to ever trod upon the Earth. When you're done with this Dispatch, any vestiges of faith you had in your fellow hairless bi-peds will be flushed straight down into the sewer of eternity.
So let's begin with a trip into Satan's asscrack, also know as

Nazis and White Supremacists: Despite Donald Trump's assertions that there are "Some good people" amongst this swine, even he would be hardpressed to find anything redeemable about what many of them are encouraging one another to do during a global pandemic. According to the FBI, online chatter from the Master Race seems singularly focused on spreading Covid-19 to law enforcement officers and Jews. They've gone as far as to look into placing their disgusting bodily secretions into spray bottles to use on the aforementioned targets. This is, of course, because they blame the Jewish people for the creation and spread of the virus and law enforcement are seen as their stooges and servants. It's difficult not to hope those who wind up with the virus become too sick to leave their beds. Anything beyond that will remain unspoken...here at least.

Florida Man, Make Way for Florida Woman:  In most cases, we can laugh at the outrageous behavior of the various weirdoes and malcontents who embody the catch-all Florida Man. So perhaps it naturally follows that if Florida Man is mostly a souce of amusement, Floria Woman is probably, well, a bitch and a lowlife in a different way. Enter this slice of scumbag pie. Not only is she hoarding toilet paper by buying up the dollar store's entire stock, but she openly admits to planning on selling it at a markup. She could have said she was buying them to distribute to elderly shut-ins but that sentiment wouldn't jibe with her "Go, Donald Trump!" non-sequitir. It's good that the woman filming her kept her composure but let's not forget that the dollar store let the lowlife buy up their stock in this first place.

Teens Coughing on Produce: It's not just a Disgusting Porn Site Search Term Anymore: Teenagers think everything stupid is funny. They always have. It's part of the developmental process that turns psychopathic assholes into lesser assholes as the hormone surges subside with age. Sadly,  an entire generation has grown up thinking meager slices of so-called online "fame" somehow justify their forays into idiocy. Case in point: Coughing on produce during a global pandemic and then posting a video of it online. The incident to which this post refers occured in Virginia at an undisclosed grocery store where the workers removed the potentally infected produce immediately. According to Virginia police, this is not an isolated incident either. Their Facebook page mentions a disturbing trend around the U.S.

And finally, because no descent into human pond scummery would be complete without at least one politician's amoral conduct,

A Global Pandemic, you say? Get my Stockbroker on the Phone: In the movie Contagion, Laurence Fishburne's CDC doctor character faces losing his job because he warns a friend to get out of her hometown before the pendemic reaches her. It's a moral gray area and something almost anybody would do in real life. Less ethically and morally ambiguous are the responses of some Republican senators and at least one husband of a Democrat who, upon hearing of the impending Covid-19 outbreak, did what any caring, empathetic human being would. They sold their stocks in companies facing devaluing. Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, head of the Senate Intelligence Committee, sold upwards of $1.7 million. In response to the calls for his immediate resignation, he basically said, "OH, is that why you thought I did it? Nah, I am just a really smart investor!" Everybody else claimed they have investors doing the work for them so they were unaware of the sales.

More to come~



Read Previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #4

Look to the Skies: Like any major event, Covid-19 has its share of associated conspiracy theories but my favorite is the one I saw on a UFOs and aliens Facebook page. Who am I kidding? 90% of them came from that page, but this one is definitely the best: Apparently the powers-that-be don't want us outside looking up when the UFOs arrive and start landing! And if it fails under mild scrutiny because the theorist neglected to account for the fact that we've been told it's actually encouraged to go outside? Screw it! The theory kicks ass!

Spend Big Money at Menards: Wisconsin-based retailer Menards was recently sent a cease & desist letter by the Michigan Attorney State General for price gouging. Specifically they rasied prices on cleaning products and protective masks. A Facebook friend claimed they knew someone who paid seven dollars for a small bottle of Lysol airspray. They were given ten days to reply. Ten days. Imagine all the gouge they can still pull off in that time before deciding to comply. Hopefully, people will stop going there until this has been resolved.

Leave the Ghostlight On When you Tweet: Governor Whitmer's response to Covid-19 has been commendable. Only a fool would say otherwise. Enter President Donald Trump, whose weird, out-of-nowhere Tweet accused her of not doing enough and ended with him claiming he and his administration were basically lighting s fire under her ass. It was classic "The Donald," a bait and switch designed to absolve him of all wrongdoing due to his own lackluster response and paint the female Democrat as incompetent. It's doubtful anyone who wasn't already willing to believe him is fooled.

If You're Healthy and you know it, Risk Exposure: California Republican Senator Devin Nunes is currently facing a rather severe PR nightmare based on irresponsible comments he made regarding what people should be doing during the pandemic. Basically, he told people if they're healthy, they should frequent restaurants so as not to "hurt the working people" in 'Murica. That was, of course, prior to the mandatory shut-downs of all the eateries and just about every other damn thing. He later tried to, as they say these days, walk back his comments when talking to Sean Hannity, a.k.a. Trump's rectal thermometer. But even Trump was not saying this because for once, he gets it and this bug-eyed wackjob does not. It's pretty bad when CNN tries to save your hash and you still shoot yourself in the leg.

America's Wang Still Doin' it's Thang: It turns out Homer Simpson was right after all; Florida really is America's wang! For proof of that wang status, look no further than this link. Invincible idiots who don't seem to care about being carriers for the virus decided to party their asses off thanks to a bar that defied the statewide order to shut the hell down. Technically, they were supposed to reduce capacity to 50% up until 11:00 pm but the pics clearly show they didn't allow a bunch of silly medical precautions to diminish their drunken good time.

All Hail the Plastic Pastor!: Do you have a moment for me to tell you about the Good News? We no longer need to fear the ramifications of the idiots in Florida congregating in large numbers because Donald Trump's "spiritual advisor" has a fix-it. Asking her followers to send "seed money" to her for protection against plague and pestilence, Pastor Paula White is billing her ministry as a hospital to the sick. Apparently the hospitals to healthy people weren't included. Adherents to the Prosperity Gospel will likely find her entreaties appealing since they view faith as an investment that comes with a return. It's a religion that deserves to be renamed "Americanism" and she is currently one of its major figures. No wonder a shameless self-promoter like Trump likes her so much. Well, that and her blond hair, adoration of him and unmoving plastic face.

All the World's a (Viral) Stage: As mentioned above, conspiracy theories abound in the wake of the Covid-19 outbreak and people we know in real life are not immune (see what I did there?) to their odd allure. One in particular comes from "Author Unknown," and ain't that always the case? Unknown goes into great detail about how a very real viral outbreak is no big deal, how the media is causing mass panic and how this is all just a test run for socialism. He also draws ludicrous parrallels to cancer and car accidents to demonstrate how other things kill more people. This is in spite of a president who basically poops capitalism every time he walks taking it all very seriously and ordering the closing of establishments and all the rest of the normal responses to an untreatable virus. Someone I know posted this particular theory on their Facebook page. Objectively speaking, it is an effective piece of writing. It pushes all the right buttons, gets its point across and details exactly what it sets out to. It's also incredibly irresponsible because it can inspire others of a similar mentality to not take proper precautions. Pointing that out resulted in me being "melodramatic" because a post isn't going to kill anyone.

But Maybe a Post Can Save People: This one should speak for itself so I'll not editorialize.

More to Come~

Read Dispatch #3 Here!