"Barbie;" The Review I Probably Shouldn't be Publishing but to Hell with it.

Only the least media savvy individual in the world missed the absurd conflation of the "Barbie" movie and Chris Nolan's latest film, "Oppenheimer," i.e. the biopic that isn't a biopic because he said so and 

SO THERE!!!

I must confess a lack of interest in either film when they were released into theaters but I knew I would probably see them both once they came to home media. As "luck" would have it, I saw "Barbie" first; just the other day, in fact. And since I haven't felt compelled to review a film on this blog in a long while, it should be obvious that I had a rather strong reaction to it, although not the way cheerleaders and detractors might expect.

The plot of the Greta Gerwig-directed  film can be summed up as follows: Barbie dolls and Ken dolls live in a plastic world made up of their playsets and vehicles and blissfully live out the same scenarios on a daily basis without once questioning any of it. They believe the real world is run by strong, intelligent women whose inspiration came from the very Barbie dolls that reside in this sub-reality. However, one day Stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) starts having thoughts of death and a feeling of not belonging.

Wacky antics ensue as our heroine seeks help from (sigh) Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon in a surprisingly subdued, lackluster performance) whose appearance is bizarre because some psychotic little girl subjected her doll to some truly disturbing shit. Why she's the wise woman o' the mountain is never explained but that's what she is and soon our Barbie is traveling to the real world to find the little girl whose unusual play has caused her ennui. Oh, and Ryan Gosling's Ken comes along for the ride because he loves her even though she doesn't love him.

The first third of this film is rather enjoyable. Most of the jokes work and the acting, minus Gosling's bizarre timing, is very good as well. The juxtaposition of Barbie and Ken in the real world is amusing if all-too-brief, but the world they find themselves in doesn't feel all that real. In fact, it seems equally artificial to Barbie's reality. That's where the first of several missteps takes place.

The real world in "Barbie" is not the world you and I live in, it's the product of a limited imagination designed to make a sociopolitical point one could find in any first semester college student's term paper. For whatever reason, Gerwig and her co-writer Noah Baumbach decided to make an entire movie with that conceit.

Before one can utter the phrase, "Abandoned plot point," Barbie locates the girl she's looking for in record time without an ounce of dramatic tension or struggle. If it's almost as if this isn't the movie's real point...Anyway...

A plot twist worthy of a 1970s sitcom ensues once we realize the identity of the actual "little girl" and suddenly there's a car chase as Barbie evades the incredibly incompetent Mattel executives who want to put her literally back in the box for...reasons.

Let's pause here for a moment: Those execs whose jobs depend on running a successful company seem to want Barbie back in Dreamland so the toys don't change. But when they do change, the profits continue rolling in. So, why are they still chasing her? And when she does go back, why do they follow her at a snail's pace, only to show up when the plot calls for them to help resolve it in the lamest way possible? There's really only one sensible explanation: Gerwig and Baumbach are hacks.

The "why" of it all grows exponentially as more things happen as if plucked from a deceased magician's hat. Ken witnesses examples of toxic masculinity such as guy's talking to each other and riding horses so he can return to Dreamland and install a patriarchal system to replace the matriarchal one he and the other Kens have suffered under for decades. Yeah! Stick it to the...man?

Barbie experiences an epiphany in a matter of moments when she sees people smiling and a lovely elderly woman sharing a park bench with her. "These are people," she appears to think, "Real people doing real people things. How nice. How beautiful. How tragic. Well, time to go live a lie some more!" Now, if that isn't the most poignant statement on how women are often made to eke out their existences, I don't know what is. But that's too introspective for a film that wears its grievances on its sleeve, and so we're whisked away to more wacky antics and self-conscious dialogue as the dreaded third act rears its hideous countenance.

American movies often suffer from lackluster, underdeveloped third acts. Much of this comes from studio involvement and their insistence upon focus groups and sneak previews. I doubt that was what happened here though. Remember, this whole movie is designed to prove a point and what better way to do it than to reverse everything the audience saw at the beginning?

Actually, there are at least three ways that would have been better, but I'm reviewing the movie we got, not the one that exists in a parallel universe where actual thought was put into things like story and plot progression.

The result of Ken's observations of stereotypical masculinity have resulted in a very different world than the one Barbie left on her quest. But worry not, for the triumph of plastic womanhood is a mere long-winded speech nobody would every utter in real life away from retaking Dreamland and instituting an even more oppressive form of matriarchy than existed previously. 

Yay?

I often complain about horror movies lacking third acts but if this is the kind we get in other genres, maybe it's for the best. One unfunny, idiotic sight gag after another takes place as the Kens go to war over something poorly defined like their girlfriends going off with other Kens. The battle takes place using sports gear because I guess that's funny. Then a dance-off happens because I guess recycled Eighties humor is funny, too. By the time the forgettable song started, I had long ago mentally checked out. 

I realize this movie was hailed as some sort of deeply philosophical clarion call for feminism but all it really does is insult the audience's intelligence and diminish the very real issues woman face in society by espousing a simpleton's view of life. And any movie that gives us a terrible, witless catchphrases like, "I am Kenough" deserve their own special place in hell.

I'm looking at you, "Avenger's: Endgame" and , "I love you 3000."

My Emmy Picks for 2022

 Below is a list of the nominees for Emmy Awards for 2022. I have highlighted my choice for each section. Keep in mind, some of my selections are based on having only seen that series or that actor and none of the others.

• Outstanding Drama Series

  Better Call Saul
  Euphoria
  Ozark
  Severance
  Squid Game
  Stranger Things
  Succession
  Yellowjackets

• Outstanding Comedy Series

  Abbot Elementary
  Barry- A very close second but it's not really a comedy.
  Curb Your Enthusiasm
  Hacks
  The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
  Only Murders In The Building
  Ted Lasso
  What We Do in the Shadows

• Outstanding Limited Or Anthology Series

  Dopesick
  The Dropout
  Inventing Anna
  Pam & Tommy
  The White Lotus

• Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

  Brian Cox — Succession
  Lee Jung-jae — Squid Game
  Bob Odenkirk — Better Call Saul
  Adam Scott — Severance
  Jeremy Strong — Succession

• Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

  Donald Glover — Atlanta
  Bill Hader — Barry
  Nicholas Holt — The Great
  Steve Martin — Only Murders In The Building
  Martin Short — Only Murders In The Building
  Jason Sudeikis — Ted Lasso

• Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

  Rachel Brosnahan — The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
  Quinta Brunson — Abbott Elementary
  Kaley Cuoco — The Flight Attendant
  Elle Fanning — The Great
  Issa Rae — Insecure
  Jean Smart — Hacks

• Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

  Nicholas Braun — Succession
  Billy Crudup — The Morning Show
  Kieran Culkin — Succession
  Park Hae-soo — Squid Game
  Matthew Macfadyen — Succession
  John Turturro — Severance
  Christopher Walken — Severance
  Oh Yeong-su — Squid Game

• Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

  Anthony Carrigan — Barry
  Brett Goldstein — Ted Lasso
  Toheeb Jimoh — Ted Lasso
  Nick Mohammed — Ted Lasso
  Tony Shalhoub — The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
  Tyler James Williams — Abbott Elementary
  Henry Winkler — Barry
  Bowen Yang — Saturday Night Live

• Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

  Patricia Arquette — Severance
  Julia Garner — Ozark
  Jung Ho-yeon — Squid Game
  Christina Ricci — Yellowjackets
  Rhea Seehorn — Better Call Saul
  J. Smith-Cameron — Succession
  Sarah Snook — Succession
  Sydney Sweeney — Euphoria

• Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

  Alex Borstein — The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
  Hannah Einbinder — Hacks
  Janelle James — Abbott Elementary
  Kate McKinnon — Saturday Night Live
  Sarah Niles — Ted Lasso
  Sheryl Lee Ralph — Abbott Elementary
  Juno Temple — Ted Lasso
  Hannah Waddingham — Ted Lasso

• Outstanding Variety Talk Series

  The Daily Show With Trevor Noah
  Jimmy Kimmel Live!
  Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
  Late Night With Seth Meyers
  The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

• Outstanding Documentary Or Nonfiction Series

  The Andy Warhol Diaries
  The Beatles: Get Back
  jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy
  100 Foot Wave
  We Need To Talk About Cosby
  My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman
  The Problem With Jon Stewart
  Stanley Tucci: Searching For Italy
  Vice

• Reality Series (Structured)

  Antiques Roadshow
  Fixer Upper: Welcome Home
  Love Is Blind
  Queer Eye
  Shark Tank

• Animated Series

  Arcane
  Bob’s Burgers
  Rick And Morty
  The Simpsons
  What If…?

• Short Form (Animated)

  The Boys Presents: Diabolical
  Love, Death + Robots
  Robot Chicken
  Star Wars: Visions
  When Billie Met Lisa

• Categories where I hadn't seen or heard of the nominees were omitted. Feel free to disagree with me in the comments.

Bill Maher's Predictible Reaction.

Last week, I posted my thoughts on Bill Maher's response to the way people were reacting to the death of the beloved face of Marvel Comics and movies, Stan Lee. In that piece I discussed how any hostile response to what he wrote would only fuel Maher's resolve that he was indeed correct about comics being useless, disposable kiddie fare. Well, never one to disappoint when it comes to showing his ass in the most misguided manner possible, Maher did what Maher does and dug in.

In an interview with Larry King, who I thought was long gone from the airwaves, he said,
"...I don’t read comic books. I didn’t even read them when I was a child. What I was saying is: A culture that thinks that comic books and comic book movies are profound meditations on the human condition is a dumb fucking culture. And for people to, like, get mad at that just proves my point.”

As I mentioned in my previous post, Maher believes intellectualism has a narrow definition. And apparently inconsistencies are irrelevant.

For instance, Maher clearly wrote in his post that pissed off the world, “Now, I have nothing against comic books — I read them now and then when I was a kid and I was all out of Hardy Boys,” he explained. “But the assumption everyone had back then, both the adults and the kids, was that comics were for kids, and when you grew up you moved on to big-boy books without the pictures.” 

The second half of his point is well-taken; until the Eighties, comics were mostly for kids and teens. However, the first part of his point jumps out because he contradicts it in his comments to Larry King when he says he didn't read comics as a child. Clearly Maher is more interested in making a point than in being accurate, so let's move on to that point.

As I wrote before, somewhere buried in his dismissive claptrap is a salient point. You can read or reread that post for more details on what I mean. Still, Maher is hopelessly stuck in the past when it comes to comics. He has no idea what has been done with them in the modern era and, in typical Maher fashion, he doesn't really give a rat's ass. He is right because he is right because he is Bill Maher.

Instead of being a true intellectual and saying to himself, "Wow. Even setting aside the less well-thought out, angry reactions, an awful lot of intelligent people made some rather impassioned and reasoned points. Maybe I should look into this further." Sadly, that would entail the ability to admit one is wrong and to learn new things that challenge the old things we thought we knew.

I suppose that's where the real disappointment lies. Maher was once an entertaining, albeit arrogant comedian and TV host who encouraged open discussion of issues. His snarky jokes were often biting and incisive. Somewhere along the way, he became too full of himself and decided to be the self-appointed guardian of intellectualism, a job for which he is not at all qualified. This could have been his moment. Bill Maher could have actually stepped out of his own ass for once and admitted he was narrow-minded. Even if he'd still mostly stood by what he said, Maher still could have made room for other ways of thinking. By not doing so, he reveals himself to be no better than the conservatives he criticizes on a weekly basis.

Or, y'know, maybe I just proved his point, too.

On Bill Maher and his Comments about Comics.

As with all things Internet, even the death of beloved Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee has resulted in at least two inappropriate and presumably well-meaning responses from celebrities. First came actor Armie Hammer's diss of any and every celebrity posting a photo of themselves with Lee because he felt they were making the story about themselves instead of the man who had died. Hammer has since retracted  his comments and referred to himself as an "asshat" in the process.

It's unlikely talk show host and all-around wise-ass Bill Maher will be issuing a similar statement anytime soon, if at all. Maher's comments were of the broader variety, criticizing the medium Lee represented as childish and the readers of the books as harboring delusions of reading great literature instead of escapist pop culture silliness. He makes his point by employing the old adage about putting away childish things once one becomes an adult. It's a dated outlook, a fact he hammers home when he writes, "...the assumption everyone had [when I was young], both the adults and the kids, was that comics were for kids, and when you grew up you moved on to big-boy books without the pictures.”

The error Maher makes in his assessment is the same one superficial thinkers have been making for over three decades, namely that comic books are, by and large, juvenile fantasies incapable of transcending their medium. The very idea that a comic book or graphic novel could do more than stimulate the adolescent portions of the male brain is laughable in their estimation. In order to become an adult, they insist, one must delve deeply into "serious literature," for which there is an oppressively narrow definition.

A couple years ago, I wrote about a middle school principal in Great Britain whose views on fantastic literature drew the ire of many a keyboard warrior. My take was slightly different. I felt he had a point, one that was well-reasoned on its surface but did not hold up to intense scrutiny. Instead of discussing how readers are often focusing on the wrong aspects of fantasy, he felt the entire genre was an enormous waste with no redeeming value. Plus, his views seemed steeped in Anglo-Christian dogma.

Maher supposedly suffers from no such handicap. He is a self-avowed atheist, having gone as far as making a wonderfully entertaining documentary about the fact. Thus we can conclude that his views are based on a humanist desire to pigeonhole intellectualism. He is of the Old World mentality that all worthy intellectual pursuits must be done the same way, reading the same books in the same formats (although digital might be allowable) and eschewing the same "inferior" forms of expression.

It's all a huge bore, frankly, compounded by Maher's constant need to piss off the squares while at the same time seeking their approval. Shock comedy is as juvenile as any comic book, yet there he sits, proclaiming his importance to those still willing to listen. if we're not careful, we all become dinosaurs eventually and Bill Maher is certainly not immune.

A commenter on Facebook made a valid point about Maher shortly after his comments went viral. To paraphrase: Of course Bill Maher would make the point that he shunned comics once he got older. When he was a child, comics were indeed childish fare. In fact, Maher grew up in arguably the worst time in the history of comics. The industry had been gutted by moral outrage thanks to the infamous book "Seduction of the Innocent," which had single-handedly caused a ripple effect resulting in publishers cowering. The comics companies intentionally made their work more juvenile in order to avoid the encroaching specter of further censorship. By the time Maher was in single digits, he was aging out of the Marvel Revolution. He was also likely extremely self-important and saw no value in the new pop culture's embracing of comic books.

Again, Maher likes to upset the apple cart. It's what he's done for years and he used to be really good at it. Lately he seems to be either trying too hard (possible) or succumbing to his own sense of bitterness (likelier). Maher's a control freak. Casual viewing of his show makes that obvious. And if there's one thing control freaks don't like, it's losing control. Smug male elitists have always dictated how we're supposed to view intellectualism, but now people aren't as concerned with their views anymore. Sadly, negative reactions to Maher will fuel his self-righteous attitude and convince him he's more right than ever. So, let's try this instead:

To say he has no valid point at all would be as ludicrous as Maher's blanket dismissal. Much like the British principal, the core of his argument is sound. We cannot ignore the inherent juvenalia of the most visible comic genre, namely costumed crime-fighting superheroes. And despite the fact that even those tales have "grown up" over the past three decades, they are still adolescent wish fulfillment given form. What Maher either fails or neglects to take into account are all the more adult-themed, philosophical comics out there such as "Fun Home" and "My Friend Dahmer." To acknowledge these works would be to invite the possibility of being wrong or, at least, narrow-minded in his conclusion. That's not how Bill Maher rolls.

Ultimately, Maher is a master manipulator who can often make events about him. Neil Gaimain put it best:

"Maher’s just trolling, and lots of people are rising to the troll. (Julie Burchill did it better 30 years ago with her “There aren’t any adult comics because adults don’t read comics” line. ) More people cared about Stan Lee’s death than care about Bill Maher alive."

'Nuff said~

My Trump Satire is Now Available on Kindle!!!

When I wrote my Trump satire for an anthology looking for Trump satire, I knew I was writing something so specific that is the editors didn't want it, it was unlikely that I would find another group that did. So, I vowed to self-publish the story in that case and here it is for the bargain basement price of 99 cents!

This is the first Kindle publication I've done in about six years. Feel free to leave a review if you do decide to purchase it. As always, all reviews are welcome, whether positive, negative or indifferent. Not that I have the power to remove them anyway!

Click here for the feel-good experience of a lifetime! It's the best feel-good experience. You've never seen a better one, I can tell you. Everybody loves it. It's tremendous!

"The Handmaid's Tale"- The Struggle was Real!

When I was much younger, my mother was my source for literature. She was my internet, albeit a far more learned and well-read source than most of the ones I encounter virtually. She introduced me to science fiction, Stephen King and Ray Bradbury. And even when my own tastes formed and I started branching away from what I considered her safer, more by-the-numbers interests, I never stopped respecting her opinions, as they were informed and well-expressed. I have, in fact, tried to live my life in a similar fashion.

So when I finally decided to give Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale" a chance, I found myself struggling with that respect in the worst sort of post-mortem way.

"What the hell, Mom?" I said to her memory. "Were you drunk?"

Realizing that was a horrible thing to ask a diabetic even if she's no longer among the living, I retracted that question and instead said, "Dude, seriously?" because nothing thrilled my mother more than being addressed as "Dude."

In fact, she loved it so much she appeared in my family room seconds after I said it.

"What's your problem?" she said.

"Nice to see you, too." I held up the copy of "The Handmaid's Tale" I'd borrowed from work and shook it in her direction. "But since you asked, this is my problem. Excuse my Swahili, but what the hell were you thinking?"

"You didn't care for it, I presume?" My mother's eyebrows were always thin and fine, yet somehow they became darker and bushier when she raised them in disdain.

"You presume correctly, Doctor Nadeau. You talked this book up throughout my teen years, made me think it was an untouchable, brilliant masterpiece of social commentary, and--"

"And?"

"And I'd like to know if you were still in the process of getting your meds adjusted at the time."

She crossed her arms and sighed. "You know damn well I never took anything except Insulin and pain meds later on in life."

Nodding, I said, "Which brings us to the real issue, then. I mean, I know we disagreed on matters of taste when I got older. You kind've settled into a comfort zone, most likely due to your health issues and all."

She shrugged. "Probably a safe assessment. I always said you should have gone into psycho-analysis."

"One shrink in the family was enough. But my point is, setting aside the clearly intriguing concept, this is one of the dullest books I've read in years."

"All right." She uncrossed her arms and took a seat across from me. "Why?"

I sat as well. "For starters, the writing is bland and self-conscious."

"How much of it did you actually read?"

"I got through the first two chapters."

A heavy sigh. "Christopher,is it possible you'd like it more if you stuck with it?"

"Yes. It's also possible I could learn to like electrocution if I keep my feet dunked in water."

At this point, her image shimmered as if someone had flicked the lights off and on. I asked her if she was okay and she smiled. "What else didn't you like about it?"

I went into greater detail then. I told her how even though it accomplished the requisite task of establishing its universe early on, it never felt genuine. It felt, in fact, like a preachy commentary piee with a thinly disguised parable as its artful dodge. I concluded with the fact that the entire concept is wrapped in a cozy cocoon of white middle class feminism that presumes only gender divides stand between people and freedom.

"Okay, fair enough," she said. "But are you sure it's the book you're upset about or is it the fact that you're disappointed in my praise of it?"

I dropped the book onto the floor and stomped on it twice. "The book."

She grinned, telling me I hadn't lost my flair for the dramatic. "It's okay that you didn't care for it. If I taught you nothing else, I hope it was to develop your own tastes and be able to defend them. You've done that. So, why am I here?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's been years since I've had the opportunity to berate you. I've missed it."

She smiled that smile I can only recall in spontaneous memories or maybe sometimes find in an old photograph and said, "I miss you, too."

I watched her shimmer again, this time fading a bit. Our time was nearly up, then. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, sweetie."

"Book still sucked, though."

And as she faded, I'm not entirely sure, but I think she flipped me off~

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“So at the end of that monologue I had a few choice insults for the president in return. I don’t regret that. He, I believe, can take care of himself. I have jokes; he has the launch codes. So it’s a fair fight.”

                                                                 -Stephen Colbert