On Being Told What to Write

 

So, here we are again entering the horrifying world of Prior Review and Content Control. I swear this topic comes up every so often as a matter of course these days, and nowhere is it more prevalent outside of politics than in the world of genre fandom. This particular incident was pretty extreme, reminding me of a certain Batman movie's devoted, fanatical base about twelve years ago whose ire and outrage resulted in several attacks when I posted a link to my review on the now defunct Yahoo! Message Boards.

This time was different, however. Not only did it take place on Facebook, but it also resulted in a volley of personal and professional attacks. The fanboy Battalion has mutated since those days of simply telling a person they were wrong and sending threatening emails to professional film critics for not liking a movie they adored. 

I wouldn't have even known about this if not for the fact that a Facebook friend had posted her views on James Gunn's "The Suicide Squad" by referring to it as basically a stupid failure. I concurred, posting my blog post/review to show her just how much. You can read that here. I saw a dissenting comment from a guy whose name shall remain undisclosed (I'll refer to him as "Soy" based on a comment another friend made) which I read and immediately forgot all about. However, at some point between me not being online for a while and finally going back on, my Facebook friend had unfriended and blocked this individual for comments she found obnoxious.

Like any juicy scandal-loving 'Murican, I decided to look him up. To my delight, I found that he had reposted the above review and written a disdainful commentary about it. This was so his like-minded, sycophantic followers could start making insulting comments about the review itself, the writing of it, and the various word choices they deemed pretentious. The post was public, so it was easy for me to jump in, first by thanking Soy for the repost and then responding to some of the comments about the review. I found it interesting how Soy kept trying to make it seem as if me seeing negative comments about something I wrote was some sort of turnabout is fair play situation instead of an expected part of being a writer...Almost as if he was some uber-nerd twit who didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

This suspicion was compounded by the fact that he seemed hellbent on telling me what I should have written, and how I should have written it. The review, in his opinion, lacked "nuance," a word he seemed to have just learned sometime this week and couldn't  wait to use over and over until he sounded like a special needs parrot. I began to wonder: What exactly had him so upset and offended? My dislike of the material, the way I presented it, or the fact that I didn't gently take him by the hand and explain every sentence and word choice so he didn't soil his diaper? I suspect it was all three.

In the midst of Soy's kiss-ass geek patrol calling my writing terrible and saying how much it sucked, he kept telling me how I should have written my review. Oh, and he used the word "nuance."

A lot.

I've dealt with guys like this before. They represent both cheeks on the political butt. Extreme righties tend to indulge the behavior more often, but extreme lefties do it, too. The tactic is to lure the person onto their page, insult them and then let their friends attack them from all angles while appearing to be the reasonable one "just trying to make a point." It is a tactic employed by both bully and bullied alike. It hasn't ever worked on me when dealing with people who were much better at it, and it sure as shit didn't work on me this time.

The intellectual lightweights on Soy's page were barely a distraction, but they definitely brought the entertainment value. Yet despite the constant back-and-forth with such gems as "I want to kill your high school English teacher 'cause you suck" and other award-winning zingers of the highest level, Soy was still telling me what and how to write.

Deciding I'd had enough fun with the dingleberries, I focused instead on the post's originator and his repeated insistence that my post lacked...sigh...NUANCE. 

At this point, I'd already had a relatively decent back-and-forth with the one person not necessarily following Soy's orders who had expressed an interest in knowing what my opinion of the movie might be now that the initial hostility had faded. And to be fair, I did give Soy one point: The review was not a *GROAN* nuanced take on the film. It wasn't intended to be; it was written as an extension of my Facebook live posting. Soy even admitted my views on the handling of Viola Davis' character were pretty accurate.

The conversation could have, and probably should have, ended there. We had found a point on which we agreed and did not agree on the rest because Soy had issues with the way it was presented. Fair enough. I've stopped reading many a novel for similar reasons. The difference is, I didn't contact the author and tell them how they should have written the novel. I moved on. It's what grownups do. Soy, on the other hand, chose this as a hill to die on, a cause he could not relinquish. He was, in essence, the fanboy cliché nobody can stand; a know-it-all expert on all things with no foundation in any of them who thinks he has the right to police content. 

I owe no one who isn't paying me for my work anything. The mere fact that he was ignorant of the difference between a journal-like blog post and a professional film review shows that he proceeded from a false assumption. I certainly don't feel obligated to some random shit-starter on social networking to accommodate him with my writing, nor am I fazed by a bunch of followers of this person to feel that I need to alter my writing style. Awards, positive reviews and over thirty published stories speak for themselves. Besides, anyone who gets that angry over someone's opinions about a silly movie has more emotional issues than I am qualified to deal with.

I will thank Soy and his too-cool friends for the blog post material. It's difficult to not write about someone who accuses me of getting upset about a post when the post I am responding to is literally the result of the person getting upset about a post, throwing a tantrum, and trying to gain validation. Pointing out a person's lack of self-awareness doesn't usually go well, and I wound up blocked for my efforts. 

However, in the interest of helping people get past their soft, squishy ego problems, may I submit for their use...

Oh, I almost forgot:

NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE
NUANCE

Authors Daring to have Opinions: The Scourge of Complacency

This just in: A successful author made comments about a controversial topic that didn't line up with many of their fans' expectations! It's never happened before. Human beings always performs exactly the way we expect and never disappoint us. This is especially true of famous people, whose only function and role is to please us and validate whatever we believe. At least, that's how the Fates intended it.

In grown-up reality, however, there are occasional aberrations that result in some uppity creative type going against the grain. Obviously it's a terrible thing. After all, where would we be if so-called thinkers such as Gore Vidal, James Baldwin, Margaret Atwood and Harlan Ellison had had opinions and thoughts of their own? They were wise enough to know better and conducted themselves like proper extensions of their readers' wills and desires. I shudder to think of a mouthy Harlan Ellison or a scathing Vidal. What about a Baldwin or Atwood who actually decided to shine a light on the inequities of society? Yikes!

If writing is exclusively for comfort zones and turn-off-your-brains entertainment, and it is, then obviously the writer's thoughts are, too.

Sadly, this particular author forgot their station in life as "the entertainment" and shared opinions that upset tons of readers to the point where they began  feeling traumatized. Their childhoods had been ruined, you see. This author's books were a way of life for them, as evidenced by their shared desire to reenact them, dress like the characters, and make obnoxious references to them as if everyone knew what the hell they were talking about. This presumptuous author ruined all that with comments that forced these readers to re-examine the very foundation of their fandom. And then, the inevitable calls for censorship started.

I too was brainwashed at one time into thinking the free expression of ideas was a positive. I readily embraced those insipid words sung by Andy Partridge of XTC:

I believe the printed word is more than sacred
Beyond the gauge of good or bad
The human right to let your soul fly free and naked
Above the violence of the fearful and sad

What ridiculous tripe. Everybody knows words are supposed to comfort us, make us feel good about ourselves and never, ever, laugh at us when they see us naked. And because I now understand an opinion-free life is a life lived well, the very notion of someone discussing issues I am passionate about in any way that isn't how I like to hear them discussed makes me projectile vomit like a malfunctioning lawn sprinkler.

In addition to my more enlightened understanding regarding opinions, I have also come around to understanding that anything I object to on philosophical grounds deserves swift and merciless action. For famous authors, that can only mean one thing. Boycotting. Censure is the key to silencing those who drain the precious fluids from our sacred cows and nothing hurts them more than encouraging a total halt to all purchasing of books, movies and anything else the author has created. That'll learn 'em to mess with us morally superior types.

But, wait. There's more.

You might think it's only philosophically and ethically consistent if the aforementioned censorship occurs by completely cutting off all connection to the author's material, no matter how meaningful or impactful it was for you. Maybe you've even let Big Fiction convince you that it's unethical to still embroil yourself in the fandom of an author you now find repulsive. Don't listen to that nonsense. Listen instead to the group that says it's okay to enjoy the work as long as you never pay for it. And it's even more better-er if you take that person's work for your own and rewrite it to better match your sensibilities. It doesn't matter if the author is the only reason for you being able to do that. They shouldn't have opined. It's not hypocritical! Shut up! It is not!

No, you're acting like a child! You! 

Is there a spot, or a room of some kind where I can go inside and feel safe from all these contrary ideas? While there, I will work on my magnum opus, a novel that doesn't offend anyone, never makes the reader think or question anything, and agrees with whoever is reading it at the time. And if I fail, have no fear. You can feel justified in taking my hard work, changing it to something else, and never paying me a dime.

Just like Buddha...

And probably Jesus.

The Derp is Palpable: People Protesting Safety from a Pandemic

What if some self-righteous twit gave a mass protest against supposed governmental overreach and almost nobody came? While sadly that was not the case in Michigan where far too many clueless folk, many of them, it turns out, were from other states, turned out to protest the governor's attempts to safeguard her constitutens from grizzly deaths, the organizers in Maryland weren't so lucky.

Brad Bell, Maryland bureau chief for ABC 7 News

This photo, uploaded to Twitter by ABC News 7 Maryland Bureau Chief Brad Bell tells an interesting non-story. According to Bell, only three people were present two hours into the "event's" planned start time. Obviously three guys can't storm the capitol, not even...

THIS BAD MOFO RIGHT HERE!

Pic obtainred via Raw Story

Let's leave the Maryland protest behind for a moment. Why should we be any different than the majority of residents? Instead, let's return to my homestate of Michigan, where I am reluctant to ascribe the word "succesful" to the absolute stupidity involved in the protest that occured here in the state's capitol. However, in terms of sheer numbers and being heard, it was indeed a success.But who really benefited from it since nothing changed and, as the governor has made clear, isn't going to based on what Salon.com referred to as the "Michigan Manbabies."

Initially, reaction to Governor Whitmer's claims that the Devos family was involved in the protests was critical, prompting her to walk the comments back. She needn't have bothered. It's been verified several times over that the Devos backed Michigan Conservative Coalition was a major player in last week's demonstration. Naturally the group is claiming the Devos Dynasty had nothin' to do with nothin'.

One wonders just what the hell they think they accomplished, however. Despite how they feel about what they did, here's a quick list of what the protest did for them and, sadly, for those of with the sense God gave circus fleas:

• Increased the liklihood of viral spread thanks to many of the protestors violating the rule regarding staying in their vehicles by standing close to one another.
• Provided those of us who oppose their narrow-minded ideology a handy list of businesses to avoid patronizing.
• Showed the entire world that, when it comes down to it, Michigan is no better than Florida when it comes to having an enormous amount of lunatics.
• Did a really good job of preventing ambulances from getting through the sea of protestor vehicles.
• Sounded really, really stupid and uneducated on every news broadcast, especially the woman who yelled, "Hi, Melania!" because obviously the First Lady was watching.

"Operation: Gridlock" protests are springing up all over the nation now because people are dumb and bored. And it's the same sad story in every state: People displaying a woeful ignorance of science who wrongly assume flattening the curve means it's time to immediately resume their old lives, all while imploring governors they despise for various reasons to "trust" them to do the right thing.

Trust them as if they've earned anything except the exact opposite. In less than a month, these entitled brats calling themselves adults started throwing Trump-level tantrums so intense their rectums probably prolapsed. Less than a month. Thanks to a steady diet of Randian propaganda courtesy of irresponsible, witless twerps such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, none of them seem capable of seeing this as a situation we're all in together. The concept of civil responsibility, of sacrifice beyond one's immediate family is as foreign to them as speaking a language other than American English.

Unfortunately, there is no way they're going to suddenly experience an epiphany and conclude that their actions are harmful, inconsiderate, immature and embarrassing. This might feel like a movie but it isn't one. There's no requirement for character growth in the real world. These people are static, in a constant state of stasis. In other words, for want of a better term, they're what the powerful people manipulating them refer to as "useful idiots."

If that seems harsh, let's conclude with the words of the Colorado group currently planning its on Virus Spreaders 2020 event:

“We have won the battle of flattening the curve, and We the People demand freedom immediately to maintain our social, economic, and spiritual strength for the long haul.”

Newest Patreon Post.

I once again turn introspective, except this time it's about my writing.

Become a patron for a dollar or more per month and read it here!

A Peek Inside the Real Me.

I don't know if this is a poem but it felt like one as I was writing it a few minutes ago. It hasn't been edited except for spelling and repetition nor will it be. I also don't have a title. Anyway, this is me at my most raw:

The man who went to bed last night,

Is not the man who woke up in the same bed this morning.

The face in the mirror is similar, but

There is a shadow over it.

The eyes lack focus for they gaze long away,

To a place that is not a place, that

Cannot be seen by anyone else.

The man eats the same meals and

Performs the same menial tasks.

He says all the things he is expected to say,

Despite feeling nothing when he says them.

The man who went to bed last night felt things.

He found hope in the tiniest moments,

He looked for the bright spot in the darkest times.

He may have seemed cynical but he was secretly, embarrassingly,

A hopeless romantic burdened with the cruel presence

Of realism.

He was a fool.

The man who awoke knows this because

He remembers all of it as if having interrupted

A dream he suddenly controlled.

But dreams are lies we tell ourselves in order to

Not give in.

For there is a pit that awaits us all just outside our daily vision.

Neither malevolent nor loving, it simply waits.

Some of us never feel its pull. Some of us

Have enough inside to avoid it altogether.

But not the man who woke up in bed. He feels each day,

Each moment slipping away.

The pit widens and reaches for him because he is ready.

The man who went to bed is not the man

Who woke up.

That man was not awake.

This one wants to sleep forever.

Question About the Previous Post

I realize I'm probably urinating into a monsoon, but I'm curious about why the reaction to my previous post responding to a reviewer has become so highly viewed. Without divulging specific statistics, I can tell you it's one of my most viewed posts ever. That's not me using Newspeak and being melodramatic. I'm being literal. This post, something I considered a mere throwaway to keep the blog active, has clearly struck a chord or, at the very least, wound up appearing in many, many online searchers.

But why? How? Which? Where?

Who?

If anyone reading this is willing to provide their insight, even if it's negative, I'd love to hear from you.

Another "What do you Call that Noise?" Review.

At this point, this might just become the most reviewed publication I have ever been involved with.  Again, there's no mention of my comparatively meager contribution and I'm perfectly fine with that.

You can read the review and interview here.

Latest Other Blog Post.

I've been remiss in my link-providing duties because I'm not used to having a second blog anymore. It's been several years and that other blog is no longer fit for public consumption. However, the new one is up and running. The most recent post is our take on the Bill Maher/Stand Lee/Comics non-troversey. We focus on who Maher is and why he seems so content with being a shriveled up little douche-nugget rather than getting deeply into what is already a proven quality medium.

Read it here, Comment there!

Not Sure What This Says About Me...

As I've written recently, my run of luck in regards to getting published this still new year has not been encouraging. It didn't help that I went on my Amazon Author Central page yesterday and noticed a review of one of my short stories from about four years ago. It was a reader review. He clearly put a lot of thought into it and somehow found a single word that perfectly encapsulated his feelings:

CRAP.

I'm not the only one whose story he labeled with this cutting dismissal either. At least 80% of the anthology received what I call the other "C-word" in response to its offerings. I was a bit taken aback, having never seen a review with such negative finality before. Then I got a look at his picture and started laughing because, frankly, he looked like the comic relief in a certain type of film from a certain country that isn't known for its high-end cinema.

Still, my amusement aside, his hilarious appearance doesn't negate his right to have an opinion that doesn't make me feel good about my writing. I certainly would never want to curtail a person's ability to express himself as he sees fit as long as it's not abusive. Besides, the review was from three years ago and, as we say in the field, at least he took the time to write a review. Frankly, the positive reviews still outweigh the negative ones.

When I place my so-called run of bad luck into perspective, most of the stories that have been rejected were actually submitted in the final two months of 2018, basically right on top of one another. Of course they would start coming in the same way they went out! Besides, I have a short story and a piece in a non-fiction book both coming out in the next few weeks. So, how exactly is this a bad start to the New Year?

So, for now, I will cease and desist my whining. Oh, and no, I am not going to share a link to the "crap" review. Do your own research~

Something New is Coming in 2019

Without revealing too much, a new type of blog featuring me and one other person is on its way. I won't reveal its nature just yet but once it's up and running, nobody who knows either one of us should be surprised. It's something we've been talking about for years and we finally decided to make a go of it.

I have done a similar blog before but this one has a different approach.

Check back in a few days for more info and, most likely, a link!

<---- These people are waiting with bated breath!

10 of the Oddest Story Rejection Reasons I've Ever Received. (Updated with a correction)

This is a post I've been contemplating writing for a few years now and I feel I've finally reached a point where I can do it the right way, namely without employing unwarranted insults or naming names. The younger, less confident me might have indulged in both just out of spite but I've reached the conclusion that people be different than one another and no amount of pointing out how ridiculous you find their points of view will change a thing about most of them.

Whenever an editor takes the time to provide personal feedback, it's a good thing. It's also rare. Most rejections consist of "Sadly it wasn't for us," which is not at all helpful. But when someone is taking in hundreds of submissions per month, it's understandable. And I have received some very helpful feedback in the form of rejection letters. These are not the helpful ones.

However, at the risk of incurring undue wrath or burning bridges, I'm going to keep my reasons general without mentioning the particular stories (several of which wound up published elsewhere) or their precise themes. Keep in mind these are in no particular order and they are mostly paraphrased:

• "Your story about revenge from beyond the grave is too angry for my anthology about revenge from beyond the grave."
• "We didn't believe your character could be so desirable to so many employers because she is a customer service rep so the story didn't work for us."
• "Your story about the Old West has a truck in it because it goes back and forth between past and present so it's not really about the Old West even though 80% of the story takes place there."
• "There's too much showing and, presumably, not enough telling in your story."
•  "This story might offend people who like to read because it presents a book store in a negative light."
• "I misinterpreted your homage as fan fiction which we don't publish."
• "Your realistic horror story was too dark and disturbing and might make readers uncomfortable."
• "Readers can't be expected to go back and forth in a short story despite the literal volumes of stories published that make them do exactly that."
• "All the editors LOVED LOVED LOVED this story, so of course we don't be publishing it."
• "The voice of the narrator is well done and fits the eerie setting perfectly.  The suspense carried me along, and your writing is exceptional and even though those would be reason enough, I am one of those people who judges every story by whether or not it has an ending that floors me so it's a no from me."

Every single reason listed above is genuine. I did not pull a fiction writer and fabricate any of them. With time, most of them wound up being funny to me and as with any field, some are indicative of a general incompetence on the part of those doing the evaluating. If you're an aspiring writer reading this post and feeling in any way discouraged, perhaps this next part will make you feel better: Each of the reasons listed above pertains to a different story, meaning there were ten stories. Eight of those stories were published elsewhere. It takes persistence and faith in one's self to take these types of things in stride and keep submitting. Then you too will one day have ridiculous stories to tell~

Correction: The editor who sent me "There's too much showing and, presumably, not enough telling in your story" as a reason replied to my email apologizing for what turned out to be a typo. So, thank God at least that one was an error.)

TEMPORARILY CLOSED FOR LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS.

I haven't updated this blog in two weeks because of some changes that recently took place in my life, most notably in the job world. Having taken on a supervisory position, I am finding myself with less time to post lately. This might be a good thing, considering the issues taking place in the U.S. right now. It's probably best that I refrain from sharing my views.

However, I do have a short story coming out soon and other things to write about. I'm sure there will be time once I'm all settled in. So, thanks for your patience, those of you who actually read this thing.

I'll be Bach.

A Rejection Letter to be Proud of.

Anyone who writes and actually submits their work knows the inevitable rejection letter is part of the process. And for those of us who don't cower under the scrutiny of qualified professionals and run screeching with terror into the whore-ish arms of Amazon's self-publishing world, it can get pretty damn discouraging. As I recently wrote, I went through a dry spell where literally nothing I was sending out was getting published. Scroll to the earlier part of this year to see my posts on that topic. I was ready to stop.

However, I have published two short stories this year, marking something of a "return" for me. That doesn't mean there haven't been rejections, though. Unless a writer is on the level of being able to sell copies via name recognition, rejections tend to outnumber acceptances. But sometimes they're not so bad, and other times they're downright encouraging. Take the one below for example:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to include your story in the anthology. Our intention with the theme had always been to publish stories that had something to do with the sky. We received a large number of submissions, such as yours, that took the theme figuratively rather then literally. For a time, we considered changing our original plan to include some of these, but eventually decided to stay true to the initial theme. That said, your story was enjoyable and, if we have an upcoming collection that I feel it may fit, I'll get in touch."


I'm fine with that. Yes, it's disappointing as this is a story I've been trying to place somewhere for a few years, but the positive response means there is a possible home for it after all. And if the publisher finds a use for it, even better.

Sometimes it's okay to just have one's work acknowledged.

Diverse Voices in Spec Fic and Why Renaissance Festivals are Evil

One of the many reasons I detest Renaissance Festivals is that they tend to push the laughable narrative that all human progress began in Western Europe around the time people started wondering if monthly bathing might actually be a good idea. There's also the fact that it's primarily attended by nerds (not geeks) and individuals who are perfectly at home attending tractor pulls and monster truck rallies. Now that may sound elitist to you and it is, so let's move on, shall we?

More importantly, at least from my perspective, is the negative and continuing affect they have on fiction, fantasy in particular. When I was a kid, I thought all fantasy was based off Western European society and mythology. It's why I grew to dislike it so much as I became an adult. But even the so-called "Urban Fantasy" which is fantasy occurring in modern-day city settings, not African-American in nature, tended to have its rooted firmly entrenched in the history and culture of Europa.

Boring!

As well-made as it is, if I have to suffer through another episode of some "Game of Thrones" style series, I will probably not emerge the better for it. There are so many other cultures out there with stories to be told and retold. Fortunately, those voices are starting to be heard.

What prompted this post was an ad for the novella pictured below. I haven't read it but the concept sounds intriguing and far more exciting than the by-the-numbers Euro-fantasy we normally see.

Let's face it. You're probably pretty dull if your entire fantasy universe consists of Middle Ages wizards and sword-wielding Crusader cliche's. And let's not forget the science fiction equivalent of the noble young white male hero in the making. There are so many authors writing so many stories that don't depend on such lazy by-the-numbers hackery. Some examples:

Cixin Liu
Nnedi Okorafor
Octavia Butler
Samuel R Delany
S.P. Somtow

Try those on for size and let me know what you thought.

Reader Review.

A rather intelligent review of the Thuggish Itch: Via Las Vegas anthology that features, among others, my short story, "The Last Big Gamble."

The reader wisely chose to review the themed anthology as a whole while pointing out what he liked about the stories in relation to that overall theme. I love when readers grasp what they're reading and are able to articulate it so effectively.

Read the review here.

Excerpt from the Trump Story.

The following is an excerpt from my short story in progress, "The Greatest Story Ever Told, let me Tell You" which is an increasingly not-as-satirical as I'd originally thought tale of Donald Trump for an anthology that will probably decide it's too on the nose. Feel free to give me any feedback that doesn't involve insulting me for daring to parody your great leader:

"You wanna know how I became the Almighty? Simple: I’m a winner. Show me somebody

without an ego and I’ll show you a big, fat loser. Like that Chinese guy, what’s his name? Buddha. What a loser. He’s not a god, he’s not a superhero. He’s nothing, this guy. Pathetic. And fat. What? Skinny? We talking about the same guy? Well, whatever. He’s nothing, this chump. Less than nothing.

    But God, now there’s a real man. I first sat down with Him after my VP arranged a meeting and we had a wonderful meeting. He liked me and we had a very productive meeting. I’ve made more deals than just about anybody in the world and I can tell you the deals we worked out were the best every made by anybody ever, But He was old and it was time for a new approach. I mean, he had his time. It was a wonderful time, a really, really good time. He’s a smart guy. The best. Just not as smart as me. We can laugh but it’s true.

    So my predecessor, He was down in the dumps because of the losers and haters in the world. My VP thought we could cheer Him by showing Him how we were doing His work on Earth. You know, changing the abortion laws, military marches, regulations that favor bankers so they can safeguard our money. My list of accomplishments is too long to go over in one place. It’s the longest list! I’m not saying it’s longer than the Almighty’s, but I couldn’t help noticing how small his hands were."

The Secret to Writing Donald Trump as a Short Story Subject.

It's really simple to write about Donald Trump in a fictional context because, ultimately, he is a living work of fiction. Nothing about him is genuine except his unerring propensity for absolute, unadulterated self-promoting horseshit. So really, he is the very essence of a caricature of a real person. The problem lies in knowing how to handle this knowledge. He's such an easy target that one could be accused of taking unfair advantage or going for the cheap shot with practically every sentence. He isn't a protagonist I would normally attempt in my writing except I happened to read about an anthology looking for parotic tales starring his royal orange majesty.

How did I figure out what to do? I decided to let the man speak for himself. Only a first person narrative could come close to capturing his word salad, nonsense diatribes. I also decided it was better to avoid turning Trump into a parody since he already is one. To try and take a ridiculous character like him and make him more ridiculous would be...well, you know.

So, it works better to let Trump be Trump and make the situation ludicrous or impossible. Directly quoting him is a good method as well, but it's also fun to write new dialogue that sounds enough like him to fool people into wondering whether or not he actually said it. I first cut my teeth on that one by using the Fake Trump Tweet app. Only the ones that insulted me as a writer were obvious to people.

The story is clipping right along and will probably be finished soon. Then the beta reader(s) get to read it and tell me how much it sucks so I can do a rewrite or two or twelve. Then I'll send it to the anthology and hope for the best. If it's rejected, I'm going to do something I don't normally do and self-publish it since it's far too specific to send elsewhere. That's why I rarely send to anthologies that want such particular submissions, but this was too much fun to pass up.

They Love me in Other Countries?

Something that's probably only of interest to me and possibly one as yet unrevealed stalker out there in the literary hinterlands, here is a snapshot of my stats randomly chosen from a recent date. It doesn't interest me as much to know how people are finding this page (Hell, Facebook!) but where they're from when they find it does.

I'm not ashamed to admit I had to Google "Belarus."
'

Quote of the Week brought to you by anti-Millenial Bashing

"Baby boomers reaped the rewards of an economic system that was geared towards middle class families and as they grew up into power and money, they changed the system to favor the wealthy and themselves."

                    -From a Comment on a Bernie Sanders Post

I Rate the MCU: Phase Three

And now we come to the end as of now. Since Phase 3 is still in progress, I'm obviously stopping at the most recent film but I will add to it as the later ones are released. This time around, you'll likely notice a diminished enthusiasm and a creeping annoyance in my tone.

Captain America: Civil War- The Law of Diminishing Returns is, as the hipsters say, a "thing" and nowhere is it more obvious than this third Captain America outing. Hats off to Marvel for making a dozen films before this became the case but damn! They really saved it all up for this disappointment. My criticisms are numerous, yet the real irony is that I can still find enough enjoyment in this movie to watch it from time to time. Still, it's an over-crowded mess filled with sub-plots galore, absurd contrivances and easily the most anti-climatic showdown in the franchise's history. The much touted battle royale between titans is reduced to little more than a stalling action for the main plot and a parking lot brawl with little actual consequence. Iron Man 2 is often maligned for being an obvious franchise bridge yet for whatever reason this one gets a pass? Fanboys, I disdainfully shake my head at you!

Doctor. Strange- A brief restoration of sanity and quality to the MCU, this long-awaited origin film featuring Benedict Cumberbatch as the Sorcerer Supreme almost feels like a DC movie, and that's not an insult coming from me. This is a wonderfully absurd piece of thoughtful filmmaking that provides a nice rest for all the obnoxious franchise building going on in the other films. Ironically, this nice break would continue with

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- Something happened on the way to the GOTG sequel. I sat in the theater and loved every minute of it! How, after my unimpressed reaction to the first movie, this one was such a great experience is either a testament to my incredible open-mindedness (Doubtful!) or the fact that James Gunn et. al. improved upon every single criticism I had of the first film and delivered an incredible sequel. I am now a fan of this franchise.

Spider-Man: Homecoming- And here endeth the honeymoon! Marvel spent years trying to finagle the rights away from Sony (who was absolutely destroying Spider-Man with those awful Andrew Garfield movies) and they finally got him, recast him, made him a kid again and threw him awkwardly but enjoyably into the mix in Civil War. Expectations were high for a movie that finally got the character just right and delivered the MCU goods in new and exciting ways. And on paper, it was all there to happen. Tom Holland is a great Peter Parker and Michael Keaton's Vulture was the most refreshing villain since Loki. But then a hit and miss script seemingly more concerned with the trials and tribulations of teenage existence was chosen and what could have been the best MCU movie since the Avengers turned out to be enjoyable but shockingly mediocre.

Thor: Ragnarok: An enjoyable threequel, this Thor installment eschews the melodrama of the previous installment and builds on the humor of the first with mostly satisfying results. Chris Hemsworth knows his character well enough to poke fun at him, although the poking gets a tad obnoxious at times. Tony Stark's influence aside, I often had difficulty with the wacky line deliveries but the story worked and the interplay of the characters sold the film's minor shortcomings.

Black Panther: I really enjoyed the first three fourths of "Black Panther" but the Third Act was a bit of a mess. It didn't make it a bad movie but I do find it mildly overrated. It went from potentially great to sort of hackneyed and cheesy. One thing Marvel keeps doing that bothers me is handing these important films to directors who have never made a big budget film before. Sometimes it pays off, usually it has mixed results and this one was no exception.