Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days#14- Rain & Marches on Inconvenience

Photo credit: Associated Press

"The highest form of intelligence… is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”  -Bill Bullard

It should be clear to anyone who's been paying attention that individuals such as the ones pictured above have either a total misunderstanding of or a profound lack of regard for the above quote. These are, simply put, people whose time spent reveling in juvenalia never ended and has now manifested itself as something well beyond tragic or even amusing.

The concept of freedom to the protestors of mild inconvenience, the weak-willed sadsacks who shamelessly moan about their First World problems, is one of doing whatever the hell one wants without regard for or responsibility to anyone else. Coupled with good old-fashioned doses of racism, sexism, religious fundamentalism, anti-science rhetoric, and impotent rage, mild inconvenience becomes raison d'etre.

The irony that most of these Michigan marches against safety from a currently incurable virus have been rained out is not lost on me. While not a believer, I am certainly open to the possibility that the God they claim supports every moronic utterance from their misinformed mouths has had enough. I mean, what God worth its long white beard would find so-called "haircut protests" in the midst of a global pandemic worthy? I'll tell ya what kind: One that understands how much it sucks to not be able to get your roots done!

Praise the Lawd and pass the hair dye!

Will these people, assuming they survive all the interacting with potentially infected like-minded types, ever have the presence of mind to look back on their actions and realize how stupidly they were acting? Let's not hold our breath...unless they're walking past us, because those idiots are walking petrie dishes.

On the Western side of Michigan, where I'm convinced there must be some type of radiation leak or brainwashing facility, the virus spread has increased because, surprise-surprise, that's where a lot of the protestors live! Can you imagine if something like this catches on? Protest an unstoppable virus by congregating with people and then going home. Why, with that type of dedication, we could wipe out half of humanity in a matter of years.

But let's not dwell on the people who are upset because they can't get haircuts and eat inside restaurants that are still providing curbside carryout. We're in Idiocracy Phase Two now. Governor Whitmer is slowly reopening the state, a move no doubt brought on by pressures from the militia-minded Northern Michiganders who refused to accept her authority because she's an uppity female Democrat. The places that have remained opened all along, the essential stores, are requiring that their customers wear masks, so naturally these Nobel Laureates have taken that little factoid and turned it into some demented crusade against fear and being told what to do.

Apparently there's no braver way to stand up for one's freedumbs than to square off against a virus (it helps if you believe it's a conspiracy to keep Donald Trump from getting reelected even though Trump himself admits the virus is real) by telling it you ain't a'scared of nothin'. I remember once when a tornado ripped through Michigan, I stood on a rooftop and said, "Bitch, please." You best believe it backed off!

So now these would be Rosa Parks's are attacking store employees for enforcing the "mask it or casket" rule. In the interest of fairness, it isn't just steretypical flag-waving so-called "Rednecks" acting this way either. Take a look at what happened in Flint. But that incident, repugant as it was, seems to be an outlier. Most of the perpetators are white males and females with grossly exaggerrated senses of their importance.

It isn't always resulting in violence, however. Take "Flat-Earther Karen" as an example. Her clearly rehearsed, sad gambit to strike a blow for the unmasked is just one example. Another is this jerk.

What's fascinating about this situation is how these same people, drooling along with Rush Limbaugh and the Fox News pundits, supported the Citizens United Supreme Court Decisin to grant corporatins personhood. That makes them private, sovereign citizens with rights equal to (although any thinking person knows they're more equal than we are) any walking, talking, gun-totin' 'Murican. Private entities can require us to do whatever they deem necessary. They're not infringing on our rights, they're exercising theirs. I would urge all of the protestors to think long and hard about that.

And next time we'll deal with the dual issues of you believing nobody is an expert while accepting anecdotal evidence and how you keep confusing illegality with executive orders. In the meantime, I'd tell you to be safe but you won't, so stay the hell away from those of us who are~

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #13- Welcome to the End

Wait till they find out how many executive orders Trump has signed!

It's been ten days since I last posted on this blog and the world has some become an even crazier, more tragic place than it was then. On April 20th, there was still gallows humor to be found in the reality of so-called "Operation Gridlock" protests cropping up around the nation. As it turns out, however, that was really little more than a dry run for a much darker agenda, namely rightwing extremists seizing on any opportunity to play paramilitary dressup and scream at actual accomplished people because of their own feelings of inadequacy.

"Look, Daddy! Am I a man now?"

In Michigan, where the idiocy has reached near godlike proportions, we got to watch our state capitol of Lansing beset upon by these gun-wielding ignoramuses. These Constitutional scholars stood above the legislators and hurled verbal insults and demanded their way, all while not observing social distancing (which was supposed to result in a ticket after one warning) and making sure their proxy penises were visible. 

One is forced to wonder how this exact same scenario would have played out had the protestors been African American, Hispanic or, God forbid, Native American. But it's okay, because everybody knows that only white conservatives respect the "Man in Blue."

OOPS!!!

Well, we can at least assume they have their priorities straight, right? It's not difficult to understand why people who already go through life with massive persecution complexes on their shoulders would feel that way when Facebook removed their event pages. How else do you get the dozens of people needed to embarrass an entire state? Naturally the spin is that Facebook is censoring them when in reality the pages were removed because the organziers weren't encouraging and requiring social distancing.

Governor Whitmer, speaking as I write this, referred to the demonstrations as "disturbing" while citing the Nazi and Confederate flags on display. She also nicely mentioned mental health help for people who may not be handling this pendemic well. The inference was impossible to ignore.

The Derp is Palpable: People Protesting Safety from a Pandemic

What if some self-righteous twit gave a mass protest against supposed governmental overreach and almost nobody came? While sadly that was not the case in Michigan where far too many clueless folk, many of them, it turns out, were from other states, turned out to protest the governor's attempts to safeguard her constitutens from grizzly deaths, the organizers in Maryland weren't so lucky.

Brad Bell, Maryland bureau chief for ABC 7 News

This photo, uploaded to Twitter by ABC News 7 Maryland Bureau Chief Brad Bell tells an interesting non-story. According to Bell, only three people were present two hours into the "event's" planned start time. Obviously three guys can't storm the capitol, not even...

THIS BAD MOFO RIGHT HERE!

Pic obtainred via Raw Story

Let's leave the Maryland protest behind for a moment. Why should we be any different than the majority of residents? Instead, let's return to my homestate of Michigan, where I am reluctant to ascribe the word "succesful" to the absolute stupidity involved in the protest that occured here in the state's capitol. However, in terms of sheer numbers and being heard, it was indeed a success.But who really benefited from it since nothing changed and, as the governor has made clear, isn't going to based on what Salon.com referred to as the "Michigan Manbabies."

Initially, reaction to Governor Whitmer's claims that the Devos family was involved in the protests was critical, prompting her to walk the comments back. She needn't have bothered. It's been verified several times over that the Devos backed Michigan Conservative Coalition was a major player in last week's demonstration. Naturally the group is claiming the Devos Dynasty had nothin' to do with nothin'.

One wonders just what the hell they think they accomplished, however. Despite how they feel about what they did, here's a quick list of what the protest did for them and, sadly, for those of with the sense God gave circus fleas:

• Increased the liklihood of viral spread thanks to many of the protestors violating the rule regarding staying in their vehicles by standing close to one another.
• Provided those of us who oppose their narrow-minded ideology a handy list of businesses to avoid patronizing.
• Showed the entire world that, when it comes down to it, Michigan is no better than Florida when it comes to having an enormous amount of lunatics.
• Did a really good job of preventing ambulances from getting through the sea of protestor vehicles.
• Sounded really, really stupid and uneducated on every news broadcast, especially the woman who yelled, "Hi, Melania!" because obviously the First Lady was watching.

"Operation: Gridlock" protests are springing up all over the nation now because people are dumb and bored. And it's the same sad story in every state: People displaying a woeful ignorance of science who wrongly assume flattening the curve means it's time to immediately resume their old lives, all while imploring governors they despise for various reasons to "trust" them to do the right thing.

Trust them as if they've earned anything except the exact opposite. In less than a month, these entitled brats calling themselves adults started throwing Trump-level tantrums so intense their rectums probably prolapsed. Less than a month. Thanks to a steady diet of Randian propaganda courtesy of irresponsible, witless twerps such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, none of them seem capable of seeing this as a situation we're all in together. The concept of civil responsibility, of sacrifice beyond one's immediate family is as foreign to them as speaking a language other than American English.

Unfortunately, there is no way they're going to suddenly experience an epiphany and conclude that their actions are harmful, inconsiderate, immature and embarrassing. This might feel like a movie but it isn't one. There's no requirement for character growth in the real world. These people are static, in a constant state of stasis. In other words, for want of a better term, they're what the powerful people manipulating them refer to as "useful idiots."

If that seems harsh, let's conclude with the words of the Colorado group currently planning its on Virus Spreaders 2020 event:

“We have won the battle of flattening the curve, and We the People demand freedom immediately to maintain our social, economic, and spiritual strength for the long haul.”

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #10- Personal Edition

There aren't going to be any attempts at clever sub-headlines this time around. I'm rapidly burning out anyway and besides, my observational instincts are waning under the strain of this pandemic. As of right now, all I have are my own thoughts, feelings and reactions. Apologies in advance if this Dispatch doesn't bring comfort on, at the very least, the "we're all in this together" level.

Residing in the Covid-19 epicenter of Michigan is a sobering experience. Any hope, any faith in humanity I might have somehow stored up over the years of disappointment and revulsion have evaporated like a water stain on the concrete in summer. Even I, cynic that I am, never realized just how stupid, how arrogant, and how self-destructive most people are until I watched them ignore something as simple as social distancing on a daily basis.

From my vantage point, I can see two grocery stores, both of which are packed from the moment they open until they close two hours earlier than normal. How much panic buying can people do? More importantly, what the hell did they do with all the food and supplies they bought previously? Are we such a consumer culture that people can't conceive of actually holding onto the thigs  they buy instead of consuming and going back for more? If you're wondering whether or not these simpletons are gloved and masked, while I don't have an actual scientific study to show you, my own observation is that maybe one out of four is masked and nobody is gloved. That means these panic shoppers are potentially shedding virus on a regular basis.

I guess that explains why, as of this writing, Michigan now has over 5,000 confirmed cases of Covid-19.

I have not stepped foot inside a building in over a week and have been home for over two weeks. When I went, I had no choice but to go because my wife's prescriptions needed to be picked up. This was at Walmart, where literally no one was social distancing, forcing me to jump, dodge and backwards run like an olympic athlete. Because of that brief excursion into virus hell, I am now in week two of hoping no symptoms manifest.

Let's not lay all of the blame on the customers, however. The stores should also be doing their part. They should agressively limit the duplicate items people can purchase as well as the amount of people who can enter the store at any given time. Time limits on shopping should also be imposed. Instead, I watch clumps of people at a store with a security guard enter and exit all the live-long day, often pausing to stand right next to one another.

So, I am lucky enough to have a grocery store right across from my house during an emergency but because of idiots shopping there and the greedy corporation running it, I can't step foot inside. Additionally, my attempts at ordering online for delivery have been stymied by an over-abundance of people using it and a possible workers strike based on complaints of the company not providing appropriate protections. An order I placed at a different store four days ago will hopefully arrive two days hence, while the order I placed with the store that is literally across the street cannot give me a delivery date. Under normal circumstances, this would be absurd, considering the delivery driver could literally walk across the street.

Clearly we're living in an insane time, a fact compounded by the way people are reacting. Americans are like children in so many ways. I've always said we're the adolescents of the international community, a young nation still trying to assert its uniqueness and not let the old farts tell us how to live our lives. To borrow an expression I detest, Americans are constantly saying, "Okay, boomer" to the rest of the planet.

What about Canada, you say? They're even younger. True. Canada is the mature, old-soul younger sibling who sees what the obnoxious know-it-all sibling does and goes the opposite way. It's why their prime minister delivers his virus updates alone and our president sits in a room full of sychophants, almost daring the virus to fuck with him. He's not alone either.

People on my Facebook page are posting images and videos of themselves visiting relatives...not just once, but often. I see children in my neighborhood playing with their neighbors. I hear and see morons comparing this pandemic to auto accidents and drawing false parrallels to the flu's death rate as if one can compare a brand new, incurable illness to one our bodies can actually fight. I've been called "melodramatic" by someone who knows better for writing that irresponsible memes claiming the things listed above will lead to deaths, because it will inspire the unintelligent to ignore safety protocols. And if that sounds like hysteria, take a look at the churches that have defied the "stay and shelter" rules and get back to me.

By the way, that isn't me calling churchgoers unintelligent. Millions of intelligent churchgoers are keeping their asses at home as they should. But it only takes a few people to spread a virus:

 

I don't know what's going to happen at this point. I know I haven't felt this level of anxiety since the threat of nuclear war loomed on the horizon before Gorbachev saved us all from that. Back then, we only had to worry about the idiots in government and a handful of jingoistic lunatics on both sides. Now, thanks to thirty-plus years of disinformation and a culture based damn near exclusively on consumption instead of production and invention, we have to worry about everybody doing exactly the wrong thing.

Dispatch Over~

Read previous Disptach here.

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #7

This edition comes to you directly from the armpit of humanity, displaying some of the worst excuses for land mammals to ever trod upon the Earth. When you're done with this Dispatch, any vestiges of faith you had in your fellow hairless bi-peds will be flushed straight down into the sewer of eternity.
So let's begin with a trip into Satan's asscrack, also know as

Nazis and White Supremacists: Despite Donald Trump's assertions that there are "Some good people" amongst this swine, even he would be hardpressed to find anything redeemable about what many of them are encouraging one another to do during a global pandemic. According to the FBI, online chatter from the Master Race seems singularly focused on spreading Covid-19 to law enforcement officers and Jews. They've gone as far as to look into placing their disgusting bodily secretions into spray bottles to use on the aforementioned targets. This is, of course, because they blame the Jewish people for the creation and spread of the virus and law enforcement are seen as their stooges and servants. It's difficult not to hope those who wind up with the virus become too sick to leave their beds. Anything beyond that will remain unspoken...here at least.

Florida Man, Make Way for Florida Woman:  In most cases, we can laugh at the outrageous behavior of the various weirdoes and malcontents who embody the catch-all Florida Man. So perhaps it naturally follows that if Florida Man is mostly a souce of amusement, Floria Woman is probably, well, a bitch and a lowlife in a different way. Enter this slice of scumbag pie. Not only is she hoarding toilet paper by buying up the dollar store's entire stock, but she openly admits to planning on selling it at a markup. She could have said she was buying them to distribute to elderly shut-ins but that sentiment wouldn't jibe with her "Go, Donald Trump!" non-sequitir. It's good that the woman filming her kept her composure but let's not forget that the dollar store let the lowlife buy up their stock in this first place.

Teens Coughing on Produce: It's not just a Disgusting Porn Site Search Term Anymore: Teenagers think everything stupid is funny. They always have. It's part of the developmental process that turns psychopathic assholes into lesser assholes as the hormone surges subside with age. Sadly,  an entire generation has grown up thinking meager slices of so-called online "fame" somehow justify their forays into idiocy. Case in point: Coughing on produce during a global pandemic and then posting a video of it online. The incident to which this post refers occured in Virginia at an undisclosed grocery store where the workers removed the potentally infected produce immediately. According to Virginia police, this is not an isolated incident either. Their Facebook page mentions a disturbing trend around the U.S.

And finally, because no descent into human pond scummery would be complete without at least one politician's amoral conduct,

A Global Pandemic, you say? Get my Stockbroker on the Phone: In the movie Contagion, Laurence Fishburne's CDC doctor character faces losing his job because he warns a friend to get out of her hometown before the pendemic reaches her. It's a moral gray area and something almost anybody would do in real life. Less ethically and morally ambiguous are the responses of some Republican senators and at least one husband of a Democrat who, upon hearing of the impending Covid-19 outbreak, did what any caring, empathetic human being would. They sold their stocks in companies facing devaluing. Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, head of the Senate Intelligence Committee, sold upwards of $1.7 million. In response to the calls for his immediate resignation, he basically said, "OH, is that why you thought I did it? Nah, I am just a really smart investor!" Everybody else claimed they have investors doing the work for them so they were unaware of the sales.

More to come~



Read Previous Dispatch here.

The Best Thing I've Read from an Anthology's Guidelines Possibly Ever.

I don't usually name publications that haven't accepted my work or to whom I have not as of yet submitted my work but these people deserve a mention. I'm not a podcast person so they weren't even on my radar until I saw them in my Horror Tree email along with several other publishers accepting fiction.

Calling themselves "We Will Remember Freedom," they're pretty blunt about what they believe. In short, they're anarchists who oppose oppressive capitalism. Their name comes from an Ursula K Le Guin quote in which she says, "We'll need writers who can remember freedom" when hard times are upon us.

It doesn't matter if you agree with their point of view. Assuming you haven't turned off your brain because the previous paragraph mentions the words capitalism and oppressive in the same thought, you will realize why your hostility is irrelevant if you keep reading, especially if you're a writer. In their guidelines section, We Will Remember Freedom describes their payment structure in ways both wonderful and inspiring:

"We pay $.01USD per word upon acceptance. This is not a professional rate, and we are therefore primarily a reprint market. While we will consider fiction that has not appeared elsewhere, we suggest that if your story is good enough for us, it is probably good enough for someone who will pay you at least 8 cents per word and we encourage you to try submitting to those markets first. Authors should be paid for their labor. Once your work is out of exclusivity, or if you can’t find a better-paying home for it, send it on to us!"

SERIOUSLY???






That paragraph is filled with so much good that it momentarily instilled faith in my fellow human. I mean, it's gone now, but still...

My Trump Satire is Now Available on Kindle!!!

When I wrote my Trump satire for an anthology looking for Trump satire, I knew I was writing something so specific that is the editors didn't want it, it was unlikely that I would find another group that did. So, I vowed to self-publish the story in that case and here it is for the bargain basement price of 99 cents!

This is the first Kindle publication I've done in about six years. Feel free to leave a review if you do decide to purchase it. As always, all reviews are welcome, whether positive, negative or indifferent. Not that I have the power to remove them anyway!

Click here for the feel-good experience of a lifetime! It's the best feel-good experience. You've never seen a better one, I can tell you. Everybody loves it. It's tremendous!

It's Not Always About Getting Published

I recently queried an editor who is compiling an anthology of alternative theology stories. Without getting too deeply into what that means, suffice to say I had a feeling my previously published story about the White Republican Jesus confronting the actual historical Jesus while mindless Americans cheered him on might be what they were looking for. Unfortunately, I sent the query after the submission acceptance period had closed. Here is the thread, starting with my letter (His are in quotes):

I was wondering if you are accepting reprints for this anthology? I have one in which Evangelical Jesus and Actual Jesus have a war words in the street. it was originally published in a for-charity anthology I edited.

-Christopher Nadeau

"We have closed it, but I have a practice of reading late submissions and if they knock my socks off I say screw it if schedule allows and include them.  I have the joy of writing the checks and so I get to make those decisions.  Send it and I’ll read it."

Thanks! Whether you say yes or no to this one, you just made the list of my top five favorite editors with that reply!

Story attached.

"I like this very much.  I’ll know in the next thirty days if I’ve got any room, I have two other stories in the same space.  If room opens up, depending on what drops out, I’ll let you know. 

That isn’t an acceptance or rejection, but it is definitely worthy of the anthology, if room presents itself."

I told him I understood and thanked him; sometimes just knowing that someone would print your story if they were able can be satisfying in its own right.