Another Unexpected Review.

Although Googling one's self can lead to hairy palms and blindless, for writers it often results in finding reviews of our work we had no idea were out there.

Conrad Zero reviews the Legends of the Monster Hunter anthology and singles out my story as something Lovecraft would be proud of!

Read it here.

On the Films of Steven Spielberg.

My views on Steven Spielberg and his films have changed over the years. When I was a kid, I thought he was the Second Coming, the filmmaker of the coolest movies this side of George Lucas. Then the Eighties ended and I started noticing the emperor had holes in his underwear.  With mainstream acceptance among his peers came a Spielberg more willing to take risks and make the types of films he’d been denied before.

Spielberg has now made a lot of movies of varying genres, nearly all of the ones not involving George Lucas filled with manipulative, cloying sentimentality. Below is the list of his movies I’ve seen and what I think of them. I’ll just put this out there now: If “Schindler’s List” is one of your sacred cows, you probably want to stop reading.

The List:

Duel- An impressive debut, this tale of road rage was well ahead of its time and felt too high-end to be made for TV. But it was. You can’t really screw up a good Richard Matheson story and Spielberg breathed life into this one with zeal.

Jaws- Overrated. Good on a technical level, but that’s Spielberg’s strength. As a movie, it’s a lurching, underacted snooze.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind- Oh, look at the pretty lights and cool aliens. Okay, wake me up when anything interesting happens…It’s over?

Raiders of the Lost Ark- Flawless. Lucas and Kasdan and Ford, oh my. These are the types of films at which Spielberg excels. There was no room for his schmaltzy sentimentality here.

E.T.- One of Spielberg’s corniest, schmaltziest films. I loved it when I was a kid, but after being dragged to see it by yet another family member for a seventh time, I began realizing just how bad it was. Nowhere has alien contact been mishandled with such childish annoyance. What’s really frustrating is how Spielberg gets good performances out of his actors while forcing them to emote into a Hallmark greeting card.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom- Still good but suffers from the inclusion of two annoying sidekicks and the director’s obvious hots for Kate Capshaw. Don’t believe me? Watch the DVD extras, and don’t forget he was married at the time.

Empire of the Sun- Although it views like a commercial for the resilience of young boys, it’s a relatively watchable film filled with wonderful imagery and a genuinely touching ending.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade- For some reason, Spielberg didn’t want to direct another Indy film until the father/son dynamic was revealed. Once more, Lucas’ involvement precludes any sentimentality and aside from a few less-inspired action sequences, it’s closer to the greatness of the original.

Hook- Pure torture, let’s move on.

Jurassic Park- I was no fan of Michael Crichton’s alarmist rhetoric in the form of cautionary Frankenstein unleashed melodrama, so it should come as no surprise that I hated this movie with the intensity of a thousand suns. Oddly, the core idea was good, but Spielberg’s distracted, uninvolved direction turned it into a snooze-fest of epic proportions. In fact, the most riveting scene in the film is the scene at the dinner table where the ethical implications of cloning are discussed, probably because Spielberg had no choice but to show up to work on a non-fx day!

Schindler’s List- The Holy Grail of Holocaust films and the reason why Spielberg was so distracted during the filming of Jurassic Park. This film does a huge disservice to the Holocaust and those watching it by painting a black and white portrait of comic book level super villainy. The director finally reveals that he doesn’t seem to know the difference between sentimentality and genuine emotion with this tear-jerker. The real irony is after this, he claimed he didn’t want to do another Indiana Jones film with “cartoonish Nazis,” as if this film wasn’t stocked with them.

The Lost World- Ironically, this Jurassic park sequel improves on the original by actually providing a story and dramatic tension that doesn’t involve people hiding under a desk from dinosaurs that probably never existed. The emotions are real and the stakes feel real, too. Not a great film but decent.

Amistad- Spielberg’s saving grave when making films about historical events is that he surrounds himself with good and great actors. Amistad is one such case and the only reason it’s a success.

Saving Private Ryan- Although it runs on a bit longer than it should and the last scene is unnecessary, this is what I consider to be one of Spielberg’s great films. The pacing is perfect, the battle recreations are disturbingly well-done, and the acting and imagery are second to none. After this film, I was convinced Spielberg was headed towards more great films.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence- Stanley Kubrick made two great films (A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey) and a whole bunch of other ones. This was to be his film, too, but he died when he realized he was filming “Eyes Wide Shut” and people might actually see it. I don’t blame him, but Spielberg shot the movie in his friend’s honor. It’s actually pretty good. You also can’t usually go wrong with a Brian Aldiss story. Sensing a theme here? More on that later.

Minority Report- The second in what I see as Spielberg’s science fiction trilogy, this is a severely underrated film thanks in no small part to Tom Cruise’s performance and stunning visuals. You can go wrong with a Phillip K Dick story, but only if you’re a complete idiot.

Catch me if you Can- So far, my theory that Spielberg was back to making good movies was not disproven with this witty, well-acted true story movie.

The Terminal- Another good one. Spielberg and Tom Hanks make a groovy combo, baby.

War of the Worlds- Lookit him go! This one made me forget all about his lackluster earlier attempts at films about aliens. Took a classic and reinvented it brilliantly. Yes, there’s your typical Spielberg ending where all the kids are okay, but this ain’t Frank Darabont!

Munich- And the Spielberg express ground to a screeching halt. What made this man think he could shoot a Seventies-style William Friedkin-esque epic based on a true story? He actually does pretty well for the first hour, then the film unspools like a poorly wound cassette. Eric Bana isn’t a good actor on his best day (his sad attempts at scenery chewing in the Star Trek reboot pulled me out of the movie) but nowhere were his meager talents more on display than in this plodding mess. And what the hell was Daniel Craig in this movie for? A total waste of time and talent.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- I don’t care what anybody says, this movie showed us Spielberg can still deliver actual entertainment. Featuring some of his best camera work and visuals, this movie is also severely underrated. Oh, and Lucas was involved.

Lincoln- I know the over 50 set is embracing this movie like a long lost love, but I’m afraid it doesn’t live up to its hype. Despite the impressive cast and acting, the script is relatively dull and the direction is shallow. Spielberg is simply out of his depth when trying to capture historical drama. He can’t do it all.

 

So what can we conclude here? For one thing, Spielberg works best from the work of superior writers. An auteur he ain’t. Also, his strongest ability, emotion, does not serve him well when dealing with weightier topics. That doesn’t mean he’s shameless like Mel Gibson, but he’s damn close! All in all, Spielberg is a very good director whose reputation has been vastly exaggerated by his box office success.

I take issue with people who blindly think he’s this wonderful filmmaker because of the films in his filmography rather than the content of those films. Soon he will be making the film version of “Robopocalypse,” one of my favorite recent novels. I can only hope my theory holds and the superior writer’s material becomes a good film.

Quote of the Day.

"...even if you overlooked the production values from a 1986 porno and special effects like something your nephew cooked up on his Mac, the movie’s “Yay, money!” zingers are just a big bag of sad."<sup>[

Kyle Smith, New York Post, from his review of Atlas Shrugged II</sup>

Well, I thought it was funny.

 

• Tickets still available for Coldplay Live tomorrow night!

  

  The Maple Theater > Home

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    Christopher Nadeau "Cool!" said the year 2002.

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    The Maple Theater Now, now - Some would say Coldplay's music, much like their audience, has aged like a fine wine. If nothing else, this is a good opportunity to hear our brand new sound system in action.

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An Unexpected Review.

I ran across a message board discussing the Smart Rhino Publications' first anthology, "Zippered Flesh", which contained a short story by yours unruly. The moderator wrote the following:

"Oh, baby! Just finished Christopher Nadeau's "You With Me" and it's a doozy. I gotta pick up more of this guy's stuff.

Like I mentioned before, I hate to reveal much because these are short little nuggets of stories and every detail is best discovered by the reader, but I will say this; I got a little Human Centipede vibe with this one. Not that we meet a guy making people into some weird new breed of combined pieces of human, but rather a story that involves a crazy obsession. A mad scientist idea run amok.

I've said too much already..."
There is no greater praise than that.

Click here for the entire thread.

Lights, Camera, Boredom!

I was interviewed on the local talkshow, "Weekly Entertainment" this past Thursday. The show airs next week. I had a blast being interviewed and was amazed at how quickly the time went without one moment of awkward silence.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch it, but I will post the airdate and any related links so those who are interested can watch me talk about such things as motivation, my views on self-publishing, and why it's important to have an inner crap filter.

I'm sure you'll find me riveting~

My Most Recent Printerview. (I just coined that phrase 'cause I'm so clever)

I'm proud to say I have a story appearing in the third Pill Hill Press Monster Hunters anthology, meaning I will now have appeared in all three volumes. Editor Miles Boothe, one of the cooler guys in the industry, interviewed me for the upcoming publication.

Click here for the interview and don't forget to scroll down to the bottom, where you can find a link to my brand new website being unveiled here for the first time!

Yep.

The Hazards of Mentoring Mediocrity

If there's one thing the Internet has taught me, it is that I am a writer because I tell people that's what I am. Wait, that's not exactly true. I'm a writer because I decided I'm one. Wait. Maybe I'm a writer because I put some stuff on the Internet with my name next to it.

Never mind the years of training and trial and error and being mentored. None of that shit means a thing these days. Apparently, all one needs is a "Fuck You" attitude and they too are writers. I'm not sure when everybody decided to emulate Harlan Ellison, but there is one vital component to his personality they just might be lacking: HE'S A GENIUS!

I have no quarrell with the Eminem School of "Me Being Me." We all bring different experiences and outlooks to the table. It's what makes life bearable. But it isn't the final word on whether or not someone has talent. In fact, the worse a person's attitude, the worse their prose, in many cases.

I've always subscribed to the Pay it Forward mentality when it comes to aspiring writers, a trait I've learned is rare among my colleagues. Lately I've begun to see why they may be right and I may be wrong. Too often mediocre "talents" attempt to glom onto anyone they think they can learn from. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself; on the surface, it's a valid way of learning, especially when you haven't the slightest fucking clue what you're doing.

But what seems to eventually happen in some cases is that eager beaver turns into a shark seeking blood in order to validate itself. When that happens, they put me in the mind of the hired gun in "The Outlaw Josey Wales" who prompted the title character to remark that "dyin' ain't much of a livin'." In other words, they seem to need to tear down the one who's doing what they want so desperately to be perceived as doing because they've begun realizing maybe they're not going to do it after all.

It has happened in the distant and recent past and I've finally reached a point of zero tolerance.  But when someone tries to act like a bigshot with industry knowledge while still a neophyte and nobody checks them on it, my opening sentence becomes a prophecy well on its way to being fulfilled.

If it does, I won't be party to helping it along. I'm too busy writing and getting published and having people read my work to deal with that particular bullshit anymore. Latch onto someone else likes the ticks that you are~

An Example of the Editorial Process.

Hey, guess what, Children of the Internet? Rejection is not only a reality, it's also a necessity and, honest to goshness, it's okay and you'll survive to be rejected again. So, instead of immediately accusing editors of being evil gatekeepers trying to prevent new talent from being seen (in reality their job is the exact opposite) and running to Amazon's self-pub crutch, try accepting the feedback and fixing the submission's issues.

That's what old Chris does, and it often pays off nicely. I'll give you an example, assuming you're still reading at this point. eFiction recently rejected a story I sent them, but were kind enough to advise me the story had potential and they'd love to take a second look at it once I'd done a rewrite. They even provided a link to an online writers workshop via their site so I could have someone go through it!

If a writer is unwilling to take advantage of that kind of resource, he or she might as well start writing pamphlets. Below are some of the comments the editor who workshopped my short story sent me:

"Jesus, I am loving this story, but you are missing an awesome moment." 

"You have a few problem areas that need to be fixed, but this story is where it is at. Good on you... damn it, I love being wrong when something turns out so wicked."

"To tell you the truth... you do not need another book to help your story. Your story can hold its own without mentioning someone else's work... but I love how you are informing us of another writer. So, make me understand what I don't."
"Freaking loved it!"
"Christopher Nadeau,

You evil bastard you.

Your's is the third that I've workshopped in conjunction with efiction. The first two I couldn't make it halfway... story is very important to me - more so than grammar.

It was midnight when I got off my eight hour factory shift and it is 2am now. I've spent two hours and three 22 ounce Cheladas reading your story.

I am extremely impressed. You have some definite problem areas that need to be corrected and I have thrown in a few suggestions here and there.

I want to see this story in the October edition of efiction - it deserves to be there."

Frankly, his comments are more entertaining than my story! I've only included a few here but he sent me five separate emails. Naturally, not all responses will be so positive, but without this type of feedback you're basically singing in the shower when the house is empty and expecting people to consider you a professional singer~

On the Death of Intelligent Discourse.

Somewhere along the line, due in no small measure to the Internet and social networking, people got the mistaken notion that one shouldn't discuss a topic if one isn't on the "right side" of it. In this case, my comments on where I was when former Princess Diana's untimely but probably planned death occured in 1997.

In a sea of "I was so sad" replies, mine naturally stood out among a select few who were basically unaffected.

The exact question on this particular message board read as follows:

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Princess Diana's death.
Where were you when you found out she had been killed in the now infamous car crash?


My initial reply is below:

Dealing with my mother's death and not caring about this screwed up woman.


Here are some replies to my comment:

"Wow if you don't have anything nice to say then just move on! So many ugly, hateful people anymore!"

 

"@ Christopher --- sorry for your loss, ... been there done that!! ... BOTH parents.... but you don't have to be so cruel, and say ANYTHING then! .... >:("

 

I could handle the first one, no big deal. But the second one required a response, one I felt was diplomatic and in no way incendiary:

 

" Thank you. Sorry for yours too. I lost both parents before I was 30 so I also have been there, done that. To your second point, this is general deiscussion board asking people what they were doing. Not all responses need to be of the 'OMG I was so bummed"'category. Many of us didn't care for or about Diana and our views are just as valid."

 

You'll notice I not only acknowledged her acknowlegement but expressed my condolences as well, despite my resentment of people who think they're the only ones who've lost both parents. Her reply is below:

 

"@ Christopher!! .... THEN .... YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY ................ ANYTHING!!! ... shut! up!! ... and LEAVE the subject moron!! ... jeeeez!"

 

Gloves off at this point, I replied:

 

"I thanked you for what you wrote to me and expressed sympathy for your loss and your response is to call me a moron? You're a classless imbecile with no concept of intelligent discussion and no longer worth my time or the oxygen a tree could use. To hell with you and your narrow-minded stupidity."

 

No response came to that one. I could've been a lot ruder than I was, but I realize these people are like boils on the ass of humanity; symptoms of a greater disease.