The Derp is Palpable: People Protesting Safety from a Pandemic

What if some self-righteous twit gave a mass protest against supposed governmental overreach and almost nobody came? While sadly that was not the case in Michigan where far too many clueless folk, many of them, it turns out, were from other states, turned out to protest the governor's attempts to safeguard her constitutens from grizzly deaths, the organizers in Maryland weren't so lucky.

Brad Bell, Maryland bureau chief for ABC 7 News

This photo, uploaded to Twitter by ABC News 7 Maryland Bureau Chief Brad Bell tells an interesting non-story. According to Bell, only three people were present two hours into the "event's" planned start time. Obviously three guys can't storm the capitol, not even...

THIS BAD MOFO RIGHT HERE!

Pic obtainred via Raw Story

Let's leave the Maryland protest behind for a moment. Why should we be any different than the majority of residents? Instead, let's return to my homestate of Michigan, where I am reluctant to ascribe the word "succesful" to the absolute stupidity involved in the protest that occured here in the state's capitol. However, in terms of sheer numbers and being heard, it was indeed a success.But who really benefited from it since nothing changed and, as the governor has made clear, isn't going to based on what Salon.com referred to as the "Michigan Manbabies."

Initially, reaction to Governor Whitmer's claims that the Devos family was involved in the protests was critical, prompting her to walk the comments back. She needn't have bothered. It's been verified several times over that the Devos backed Michigan Conservative Coalition was a major player in last week's demonstration. Naturally the group is claiming the Devos Dynasty had nothin' to do with nothin'.

One wonders just what the hell they think they accomplished, however. Despite how they feel about what they did, here's a quick list of what the protest did for them and, sadly, for those of with the sense God gave circus fleas:

• Increased the liklihood of viral spread thanks to many of the protestors violating the rule regarding staying in their vehicles by standing close to one another.
• Provided those of us who oppose their narrow-minded ideology a handy list of businesses to avoid patronizing.
• Showed the entire world that, when it comes down to it, Michigan is no better than Florida when it comes to having an enormous amount of lunatics.
• Did a really good job of preventing ambulances from getting through the sea of protestor vehicles.
• Sounded really, really stupid and uneducated on every news broadcast, especially the woman who yelled, "Hi, Melania!" because obviously the First Lady was watching.

"Operation: Gridlock" protests are springing up all over the nation now because people are dumb and bored. And it's the same sad story in every state: People displaying a woeful ignorance of science who wrongly assume flattening the curve means it's time to immediately resume their old lives, all while imploring governors they despise for various reasons to "trust" them to do the right thing.

Trust them as if they've earned anything except the exact opposite. In less than a month, these entitled brats calling themselves adults started throwing Trump-level tantrums so intense their rectums probably prolapsed. Less than a month. Thanks to a steady diet of Randian propaganda courtesy of irresponsible, witless twerps such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, none of them seem capable of seeing this as a situation we're all in together. The concept of civil responsibility, of sacrifice beyond one's immediate family is as foreign to them as speaking a language other than American English.

Unfortunately, there is no way they're going to suddenly experience an epiphany and conclude that their actions are harmful, inconsiderate, immature and embarrassing. This might feel like a movie but it isn't one. There's no requirement for character growth in the real world. These people are static, in a constant state of stasis. In other words, for want of a better term, they're what the powerful people manipulating them refer to as "useful idiots."

If that seems harsh, let's conclude with the words of the Colorado group currently planning its on Virus Spreaders 2020 event:

“We have won the battle of flattening the curve, and We the People demand freedom immediately to maintain our social, economic, and spiritual strength for the long haul.”

Open Letter to the Participants of "Operation: Gridlock"

Dear Inconsiderate, Uncaring, Self-Absorbed Children,

This video probably makes you feel proud. Actually, anything where you can be seen acting like spoiled fools probably accomplishes that and, thanks to the Internet, you can gain that satisfaction pretty much as often as you would like. And while I recognize the inherent risk of providing yet another, albeit smaller format for your stupidity, the gain from exposing you far outweighs it.

As I wrote two posts prior, yours is a movement filled with ill-informed, selfish, ignorant people who value the economy above the well-being of your fellow human beings. Many of you aren't shy about admitting it, either. Take this prize-winning scholar, for example who,  a woman asked him how he felt about doing exactly what is pictured to the left, referred to her as a "fat lesbian" and the "C word":

I know this person's identity and the city he lives in (I have the non-blacked out version) but unlike him and his ilk, I would not post his identity because I believe in actual Freedom, not "Freedumb." Besides, he's certainly not alone, as there are tons of complete pricks just like him espousing similar if not identical douchenozzlery. Apparently, using ANTIFA as some sort of example to justify your own behavior is favored by your movement as well. Basically, you're using a group of extreme left-wingers you despise and find morally bankrupt as your model of behavior. That just shows those of us who are reasonable how intellectually stunted and hypocritical most of you are.

Of course, it's doesn't help that you have opportunistic bastards like this encouraging your stupidity:

I expect this kind of irresponsible rhetoric from bought-and-paid for lowlives like him, but you're supposed to be real people dealing with real-life situations such as the biggest pandemic since 1918. Oh, right. It's all being exaggerrated and blown way out of proportion so the Governor can use fear to launch a coupe de tat against the occupant of the White House who issued similar stay-at-home edicts. The conspiracy theories that have resulted from this are legendary. Here are a few of the truly idiotic ones that you probably believe:

• All hospitals and their workers are part of a vast concpiracy to inflate the numbers of the dead for...reasons.
• This is really the result of 5G technology.
• Bill Gates wants to create a "digitial vaccine" so he can track our every moment. etc.
• The liberal governors (anybody who isn't a Trump ass-kisser) are working in tandem to overthrow the federal government by using the virus as a springbaord for taking away "our freedoms."
• Covid-19 was created in a lab as a weapon or a form of population control.
• The virus was created by Democrats, presumabley with the cooperation of several other countries,to "stop President Trump" because he's so damn awesome.
• (This one is the best!) It's part of a long-range plan to turn people into cyborgs!

Under normal circumstances, all of those would be prime fodder for lots and lots of amusing quips and you would be easily dismissed as mental furballs. But online culture has emboldended all of you and turned you into more of a unified uber-twit, ready to do battle for the right to not be mildly inconvenienced from mowing lawns and planting gardens in 30-degree temperatures. Boy, you're really showing that commie Whitmer by creating a traffic jam in the capitol!

I'm sure you take great pride in causing ambulances carrying people who might be dying to slow to a crawl because your cars are in the way. I'm sure you take great pleasure in defying social distancing guidelines like rebellious teenagers, at least until you start feeling sick in a couple weeks. I'm not wishing that on you, that's just how the virus works. And you are basically inviting it in by doing everything you can to show that supposed "dicatator" in Lansing. 

If you see her as a tyrant, you must have been seriously pissed off when Trump declared he has "total authority." No? Gee, I wonder why not? You dislike fascism in all its forms, right? Not just when it has lady parts and you didn't vote for it?

Well, leaving aside that unsolvable mystery, I would honestly like to thank you for something. You have done an excellent job of revealing who and, more importantly, what you are. Now we know your names, what many of you do for a living, and what towns and cities you live in. Now we know who won't be getting our business, who we don't want to work for or working for us, and for damn sure who we don't want to live next door to. For that invaluable gift, I am truly grateful.

To the obvious white supremacists among you, the so-called "Proud Boys" who have nothing to be proud of except their false perception that a skin color makes one superior, we see you, too. And despite all the anti-female horseshit that spews forth from the orifices located beneath your noses, despite all the abusive rhetoric you employ against Governor Whitmer, guess what?

So, suck it up, Baby Hitler!

Quote of the Week

This one gets awarded to a member of the "Michiganders for Staying Home to Defeat Covid-19 facebook page in reference to the ridiculous "demonstration" against Governor Whitmer's stay-the-hell-home order:

If you have to protest at an empty Capital 🏛from your Car 🚗wearing a Mask 😷it might not be the best time to #OpenMichigan

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #12- Idiot Edition

There's a reason my home state of Michigan was home to the Militia movement of the Nineties and that reason has been hammered home repeatedly by the insanity and abject stupidity coming from the group of people who find a stay-at-home quarantine extention to be an attack on their liberties. And what are those liberties, exactly? I think I'll let the words of those opposed to the health and well-being of their fellow humans explain it to you:

On the Facebook page "Michiganders Against Excessive Quartine" someone posted an article from some bullshit site with a headline declaring that only Trump can reopen the country. Below that, some scholar commented," Please do so Sir. Our grezy Country was not met to be on lockdown like this. Time to Make America Great again. We can't do our part under house arrest."

House arrest. That's how these acolytes of Ayn Rand, half of whom probably never heard of her, consider quarantine in the midst of the worst global epidemic since 1918!

Another comment seemed to find the need to equate gay marriage with Covid 19. She wrote, "I remember when we voted as a state, "One Man, One Woman" marriage for our state, federal government under Obama changed it."

Clearly gays wanting equal rights is where this virus came from. The China thing is little more than a cover story for the Gay Mafia's Deepstate Illuminati 5G agenda.

Another person, agreeing that "libruls" need fear to govern (an ironic statement if ever there was one) commented, "Fear is really, really rambid right now and I believe that's all part of the plan!"

I don't know who "Rambid" is, but apparently he has a lot to answer for! Kinda sounds like a French villain in a James Bond movie.

But fear not. This "movement" has a ringleader and he is no disappointment. Looking for all the world like a sleazy used car salesman who moonlights as a Prosperity Gospel preacher, Garrett Soldano is single-handedly fanning the flames of idiocy. Soldano is a practicing chiropractor for whatever that's worth in this situation. I guess because he has "doctor" before his name, that makes him the go-to expert on pandemics for the anti-quarantine crowd. I know that next time one hits, my first stop will be a guy who works on the body's "meridians." However, if you remain unconvinced by his choice of medical practice, he also lists himself on Twitter as, ""AN ENTREPRENEUR, AUTHOR, PHILANTHROPIST, AND A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER."

Sensing his time to shine, Soldano is over all the interwebs telling Michigan residents to "stand tall" against the Governor's attempts to halt the spread of the virus because the economy is more important than people not dying. He also does daily video updates on the aforementioned Facebook page lest anyone start thinking he's a smug, self-promoting opportunist who is seizing a moment for his own personal gain. And naturally, all the ill-informed, selfish residents of Michigan are flocking to this individual for guidance in uncertain times. I guess nothing screams "Constitutional Expert" like a guy who cracks backs and peddles holistic remedies. He won't mind my saying this because, in his own words, "...our fight for our Constitutional rights gets fanned HOTTER by every hate comment against us."

These people aren't limiting their protests to Facebook, however. They're planning a "march" of sorts on April 15th. But instead of standing outside, they plan to gridlock the state capitol in Lansing. So, they're protesting a quarantine by quarantining themselves. Feel free to reread that previous sentence as many times as you need.

So much of this insane rambling can be traced back to the Michigan Militia, a group of alarmist anti-gubmint types who basically shot off guns in the forest, wore fatigues and poisoned the minds of their fellow Michiganders. Now we're dealing with their inheritors.

We can only hope the people with sense still outnumber them.

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #11

I have now been under self-quarantine since March 15th and work-from-home status since March 17th. I have left the house a few times; early on, before we really understood the enormity of the Covid-19 outbreak, I ventured inside a store or two, disgusted by the lack of seriousness with which people were greeting this pandemic. It has been weeks since I stepped inside a structure now, my few jaunts only occuring whenever presciptions were needed and, only then, at the drive-up window.

I'm not sick. I could be asymptomatic but how would I know? My wife was sick before the "stay home, stay safe" order from Governor Whitmer, making things even more uncertain in my household. We don't think she had Covid-19 but since the hospitals aren' t seeing people for anything that isn't life-threatening, it's impossible to know for sure.

What can I tell you about my state-of-mind? I suppose it could be worse. As the popualr article and memes will tell you, we Gen-X'ers are easily the most predisposed to having to keep our asses at home for extended periods of time. It's how most of us spent our childhoods, especially the teen years. Honestly, this for me just feels like a weekday in summer that somehow got extended. The difference is, though, I could leave the house back then. I could hop on my bike and go to the store and actually walk inside and touch things and buy them and bring them home and...well, you get the idea. The only way I can do that stuff now is armed with a cannister of Lysol disinfectant wipes, a mask, rubber gloves and a full body condom!

"This, too, shall pass," right? I mean, if it's in the Bible...Okay, I can't in good conscience finish that sentence but enjoy whatever is your takeaway.

I try to tell myself the above sentiment, but then I look across the street at all the people who are still crowding into the grocery stores. I need to eat, too. My wife and I have been waiting over a week for our delivery service; we finally opted to do a pickup, thereby increasing the risk factor. But I'm not entering the building because I'm not a moron. I know this because my mom told me so.

I suppose my fear is that as time passes, the act of being outside of the house will become foreign and undesirable to me. The other day while cleaning, I took trash out to the receptacles in the backyard, where the sun shone down on me rather intensely. I stood in place and let the rays hit me for several minutes, blinded, deciding this must be how plants feel when they're bombarded with life-giving solar rays. Then I went back inside.

(In case you're wondering, the image above is a meme that's going around as a response to President Trump's dismissive comments regarding the Governor of Michigan.)

Hobby Lobby lets Employees go Without Pay and Defies Orders to Stay Closed

In a move that was surely designed to display Hobby Lobby CEO David Green's obvious belief that God appreciates pure evil, a mentality in direct contradiction to all accepted views on Christian theology, the arts and craft superstore has both fired people without benefits due to the Covid-19 pandemic and reopened stores in defiance of it.

Green and his non-essential business have been a study in contradictions since anyone can remember, but this pandemic has really thrown a blacklight on just what a lowlife he is and how his company reflects that. Initially, Hobby Lobby chose to stand firm on not closing no matter what. Why did they do that? Simple. Green's "prayer warrior" wife had a vision from God that arrived in a convenient, three-word catch-phrase that sounded suspiciously like a sales seminar. This inspired Green to send off a memo telling everybody who worked for him that they weren't closing.

Then reality set in and he changed his tune...temporarily. The resultant backlash to Hobby Lobby's decision to resist CDC and WHO guidelines left Green unfazed. In Oklahoma, for example, the company simply redefined "essential" by claiming their corporate office fell under the "cyber security and infrastructure agency" category, which at least one employee annonymously said they do not. 

As far as the stores were concerned, emails such as the one pictured below tell a rather bleak story:

\The language used here is almost fascinating: "This layoff is permanent," stands out in particular. The final sentence is also telling, as it essentially closes the door to the possibility of bringing the person back while wishing them all the best. Thankfully, the entire thing is peppered with standard issue "this hurts me more than it does you" rhetoric to make the (former) employee feel that wondrous combination of dejection and despair.

Yet the story doesn't end there. Being the true-to-life Bentley Little novel that it is, Hobby Lobby, in its serpent-like way, slithered out of the light of reason and compassion to reopen stores in at least two states. Talking points have been given to the managers for when law officers arrive questioning just what the hell they think they're doing and one store was actually boarded up by police in Wisconsin after reopening two on March 30th.

And still the passive-aggressive defiance continues. In Indiana, police forced a store to close after it reopened. The information employees say they're receiving from on high is contradictory, first agreeing that Hobby Lobby is not essential and later saying they are essential as a pretext for reopening. They're also cutting hours, meaning the necessary sanitizing is not getting done. 

One employee put it best when they said:

"There is absolutely nothing in Hobby Lobby worth spreading this illness. I'm honestly appalled at this company and the way it doesn't care for its employees and only about making their money."

Lowlives such as David Green are what American society tells us to admire. Why we should admire someone who couldn't care less about human beings who might  die horribly is as baffling as his claims that a kind and loving god would want people to keep being exposed to a deadly virus in order to sell arts and crafts. 

This is what happens when vulture capitalism and religious fantacism encounter tragedy.

Dispatches from the Coronavirus Days #10- Personal Edition

There aren't going to be any attempts at clever sub-headlines this time around. I'm rapidly burning out anyway and besides, my observational instincts are waning under the strain of this pandemic. As of right now, all I have are my own thoughts, feelings and reactions. Apologies in advance if this Dispatch doesn't bring comfort on, at the very least, the "we're all in this together" level.

Residing in the Covid-19 epicenter of Michigan is a sobering experience. Any hope, any faith in humanity I might have somehow stored up over the years of disappointment and revulsion have evaporated like a water stain on the concrete in summer. Even I, cynic that I am, never realized just how stupid, how arrogant, and how self-destructive most people are until I watched them ignore something as simple as social distancing on a daily basis.

From my vantage point, I can see two grocery stores, both of which are packed from the moment they open until they close two hours earlier than normal. How much panic buying can people do? More importantly, what the hell did they do with all the food and supplies they bought previously? Are we such a consumer culture that people can't conceive of actually holding onto the thigs  they buy instead of consuming and going back for more? If you're wondering whether or not these simpletons are gloved and masked, while I don't have an actual scientific study to show you, my own observation is that maybe one out of four is masked and nobody is gloved. That means these panic shoppers are potentially shedding virus on a regular basis.

I guess that explains why, as of this writing, Michigan now has over 5,000 confirmed cases of Covid-19.

I have not stepped foot inside a building in over a week and have been home for over two weeks. When I went, I had no choice but to go because my wife's prescriptions needed to be picked up. This was at Walmart, where literally no one was social distancing, forcing me to jump, dodge and backwards run like an olympic athlete. Because of that brief excursion into virus hell, I am now in week two of hoping no symptoms manifest.

Let's not lay all of the blame on the customers, however. The stores should also be doing their part. They should agressively limit the duplicate items people can purchase as well as the amount of people who can enter the store at any given time. Time limits on shopping should also be imposed. Instead, I watch clumps of people at a store with a security guard enter and exit all the live-long day, often pausing to stand right next to one another.

So, I am lucky enough to have a grocery store right across from my house during an emergency but because of idiots shopping there and the greedy corporation running it, I can't step foot inside. Additionally, my attempts at ordering online for delivery have been stymied by an over-abundance of people using it and a possible workers strike based on complaints of the company not providing appropriate protections. An order I placed at a different store four days ago will hopefully arrive two days hence, while the order I placed with the store that is literally across the street cannot give me a delivery date. Under normal circumstances, this would be absurd, considering the delivery driver could literally walk across the street.

Clearly we're living in an insane time, a fact compounded by the way people are reacting. Americans are like children in so many ways. I've always said we're the adolescents of the international community, a young nation still trying to assert its uniqueness and not let the old farts tell us how to live our lives. To borrow an expression I detest, Americans are constantly saying, "Okay, boomer" to the rest of the planet.

What about Canada, you say? They're even younger. True. Canada is the mature, old-soul younger sibling who sees what the obnoxious know-it-all sibling does and goes the opposite way. It's why their prime minister delivers his virus updates alone and our president sits in a room full of sychophants, almost daring the virus to fuck with him. He's not alone either.

People on my Facebook page are posting images and videos of themselves visiting relatives...not just once, but often. I see children in my neighborhood playing with their neighbors. I hear and see morons comparing this pandemic to auto accidents and drawing false parrallels to the flu's death rate as if one can compare a brand new, incurable illness to one our bodies can actually fight. I've been called "melodramatic" by someone who knows better for writing that irresponsible memes claiming the things listed above will lead to deaths, because it will inspire the unintelligent to ignore safety protocols. And if that sounds like hysteria, take a look at the churches that have defied the "stay and shelter" rules and get back to me.

By the way, that isn't me calling churchgoers unintelligent. Millions of intelligent churchgoers are keeping their asses at home as they should. But it only takes a few people to spread a virus:

 

I don't know what's going to happen at this point. I know I haven't felt this level of anxiety since the threat of nuclear war loomed on the horizon before Gorbachev saved us all from that. Back then, we only had to worry about the idiots in government and a handful of jingoistic lunatics on both sides. Now, thanks to thirty-plus years of disinformation and a culture based damn near exclusively on consumption instead of production and invention, we have to worry about everybody doing exactly the wrong thing.

Dispatch Over~

Read previous Disptach here.

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #9- Vaguely Humorus Edition

There isn't much to laugh at right now and any attempts are no doubt strained. However, even in the midst of bleak tragedy, there will always be idiots sent forth to amuse us. That's why I'm starting with

Florida Man got Elected to Office to Share a Cure: A County Commissioner from Florida whose last name, of course, is Culpepper claimed he had found a Covid-19 cure which he happily shared with the world. Citing a non-existent doctor on a non-existent segment on the One America News Network. That miracle cure? A blowdryer aimed right up the nose. That's right. According to Culpepper, since the nasal passages are the wettest part of us (no comments, please) the blowdryer can be used to kill the virus before it moves on to the lungs. Culpepper was later called out on his cure claim and issued an apology for instilling false hope. His reasoning? He was trying to give hope to those without health insurance. Let's file this one under well-intentioned/indicative of our healthcare system.

China and the Gay Mafia are to Blame: One of the many truly frightening things about the Trump administration is how so many of them, sans Trump, of course, are insane religious fanatics. Case in point: Ralph Drollinger, a minister who leads  morning prayer meetings every Wednesday for the president's cabinet. In a series of blog posts and *ahem* "study guides," the former college basketball player turned clergyman alludes to God's judgment without fully commiting to the idea that this particular virus is the outcome of it. He did, however, mention the Chinese as if they maliciously released the virus on us, also as if they haven't suffered the most from it so far. He also, somewhat masterfully, implicated homosexuals and environmentalists. This is the person to whom Mike Pence, Betsy Devos and Ben Carson listen WEEKLY for spiritual guidance. If that isn't tragically and horrifyingly hilarious, what is?

Teenagers Eating Corn are Tired of being Quarantined: If that title doesn't make sense to you, it's probably because you know how to spell "Quarantine," unlike several online folk who spell it like this:

Embiggen the image and see for yourself.


Eye-talians Don't Play: I've already written about the teenagers who think spitting on produce during a global poandemic is cool and funny, but I'd love to see them give that a try in Italy. If this video of a man getting his ass handed to him for spitting on produce is any indication, Italian justice suits the offense.

Profiteering, it's not just for Vulture Capitalists Anymore: We all know there's a whole pond of scum doing their level best to profit from his horrible tragedy from Hobby Lobby CEO David Green, who refuses to close for "shelter in place" orders unless the power is turned off and various other businessmen and politicians. But who says it has to all be negative? Well, certainly not whoever compiled the list pictured below:

Ah, gallows humor. Eases the pain...for about eight seconds.

I'll see myself out, but first, a meme that is both poignant and funny, especially to this kaiju fan:

"Besides, he'll probably only kill the slower, elderly people and I'm sure they're willing to sacrifice themselves so the economy doesn't collapse!"

More to come~



Read previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches from the Coronovirus Days #8

I was going to hold off for a while with these posts because I felt they were coming too often, like a lousy lover, but as is the current trend and in the words of Jeffrey Lebowski, "new shit has come to light, man." So, this edition comes to you courtesy of selfish, heedless assholes who just might kill us all.

America's Wang is Dangling: In a new development that should come as no surprise to anybody, the State of Florida has 1,412 confirmed cases of Coronavirus. That brings the death toll to 18. Now why do you suppose their cases skyrocketed? Could it be because their Governor kept one thumb in his mouth and the other in his ass when he should have followed WHO and CDC recommendations to shut down his fucking beaches? Instead, he thought he would wait a little while longer so idiots could party close to one another. God only knows how many of those people have left the state to go home and infect more of us. Meanwhile, Florida is dealing with a signifcant uptick, which is probably why

They Paved Paradise & Put up a Hospital: Suddenly, off in the distance, a new crop springs forth from the ground in Florida. It isn't edible or even decorative, it's a 250-capacity hospital. More specifically, it's a field hospital like the kind used during wartime. It isn't known if it will be for Covid-19 infected patients or an overfow facility for those who don't have the virus. And while the necessity is clear, the message being sent is muddled. Next time there's a pandemic or some other crisis, morons know their heedless partying will be rewarded with extra facilities. Happy birthday, humanity!

All the World's a Failed CEO's Playground: Donald Trump said -- who am I kidding? -- Donald Trump Tweeted that he basically wants the country back up and running by Easter, which is April 12th. Consulting his own "very big brain," the reality TV star turned president seems to think we can beat back a virus that has no antibodies or vaccine to combat it because 'Murica's colors don't run and there's money to made. He has demonsrated both a stunningly clueless grasp of the situation and a disgusting level of misguided self-preservation during the entire pandemic. Now he wants to ignore experts to whom his massive ego will not allow him to defer all in the name of keeping the economy going so he can try and win reelection in November. It is also possible his childlike state of mind preventrs him from truly comprehending the scope and magnitude of this. IN other words, Trump is literally the worst president in the history of the United States to be dealing with this crisis. It isn't "melodramatic" to say this idiot is going to get a lot of Americans killed.

"Pandemic" is just another word for "Party": The well-to-do town of Westport, Connecticut now has the highest amount of positive for Covid-19 people in the state. The reason seems to be partially due to a 40th birthday party that involved lots of people who then took the virus with them to other places. This was on March 5th, when we knew the virus was coming. So, while at least one official feels it's unfair for the media to have seized upon this story, it's difficult to ignore yet another collection of self-absorbed affluent assholes living as if they have no responsibility to their fellow humans. Because of this no doubt lovely soiree, a contagion has spread even faster. That doesn't mean they deserve some of the online abuse they've received but they definitely deserve harsh critcism for being no different than the simpletons at the beaches in Florida.

Are you there, God? It's me, Common Decency: One wonders if, when horror novelist Bentley Little wrote "The Store," he was inspired by Hobby Lobby. The arts and crafts chain, a non-essential business if ever there was one, is fighting tooth and claw to remain open in spite of the "stay and shelter" mandates occuring all over the United States. First there were the CEO's bullshit claims that his "prayer warrior" wife received a catchphrase from God that let them know they should stay open, which I wrote about previously. Now another leaked memo details the absolute evil that is Hobby Lobby's policy towards its employees. I will be writing a separate piece on that in the next day or so.

This is why we Call them Anti-vaxxers: Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear is pissed off, and rightly so. Recently, some vapid "Dr. Mom" type floated a question online wondering if anybody was planning "Coronavirus parties," where so-called mothers gather their children in the hopes that they all become horribly sick and build an immunity to the targeted disease. The woman was quickly criticized for even contemplating such an ass-stupid idea with a virus that humans have no immunity against, prompting her to use the same tired, logic-deficient "a mommy knows best" assertion that has brought back the old, cured diseases thanks to the anti-vax movement. How quickly idiotic concept turns into life-threatening execution. That's why the Governor of Kentucky is so upset. It isn't clear if this was an adult party or not but when it comes to Covid-19, that hardly makes a difference.


Governor Whitmer put her foot down on March 23rd and issued a mandate that all non-essential businesses close by midnight and everybody stay the hell home. Meanwhile, the grocery store across the street from my house was filled with people not maintaining a six foot distance. It was nice, however, to see fewer cars on the main road nearby. Considering Michigan's largest hospital system is nearly maxed out on beds and equipment, staying home is our only semblance of a defense against this thing. I can't believe I'm even writing this. It's like living in a medical thriller by Robin Cook or Michael Crichton, neither of whom I particularly care for. In fact, I really dislike those types of novels.

I always wanted to know what life was like in a science fictional universe, just not the kind that involved unbeatable diseases and clueless imbeciles running the show.

I wish I could tell you how my spirits are; I'm too numb. I think I'll end the Dispatch here. 


Read the previous Dispatch here.

Dispatches From the Coronavirus Days #7

This edition comes to you directly from the armpit of humanity, displaying some of the worst excuses for land mammals to ever trod upon the Earth. When you're done with this Dispatch, any vestiges of faith you had in your fellow hairless bi-peds will be flushed straight down into the sewer of eternity.
So let's begin with a trip into Satan's asscrack, also know as

Nazis and White Supremacists: Despite Donald Trump's assertions that there are "Some good people" amongst this swine, even he would be hardpressed to find anything redeemable about what many of them are encouraging one another to do during a global pandemic. According to the FBI, online chatter from the Master Race seems singularly focused on spreading Covid-19 to law enforcement officers and Jews. They've gone as far as to look into placing their disgusting bodily secretions into spray bottles to use on the aforementioned targets. This is, of course, because they blame the Jewish people for the creation and spread of the virus and law enforcement are seen as their stooges and servants. It's difficult not to hope those who wind up with the virus become too sick to leave their beds. Anything beyond that will remain unspoken...here at least.

Florida Man, Make Way for Florida Woman:  In most cases, we can laugh at the outrageous behavior of the various weirdoes and malcontents who embody the catch-all Florida Man. So perhaps it naturally follows that if Florida Man is mostly a souce of amusement, Floria Woman is probably, well, a bitch and a lowlife in a different way. Enter this slice of scumbag pie. Not only is she hoarding toilet paper by buying up the dollar store's entire stock, but she openly admits to planning on selling it at a markup. She could have said she was buying them to distribute to elderly shut-ins but that sentiment wouldn't jibe with her "Go, Donald Trump!" non-sequitir. It's good that the woman filming her kept her composure but let's not forget that the dollar store let the lowlife buy up their stock in this first place.

Teens Coughing on Produce: It's not just a Disgusting Porn Site Search Term Anymore: Teenagers think everything stupid is funny. They always have. It's part of the developmental process that turns psychopathic assholes into lesser assholes as the hormone surges subside with age. Sadly,  an entire generation has grown up thinking meager slices of so-called online "fame" somehow justify their forays into idiocy. Case in point: Coughing on produce during a global pandemic and then posting a video of it online. The incident to which this post refers occured in Virginia at an undisclosed grocery store where the workers removed the potentally infected produce immediately. According to Virginia police, this is not an isolated incident either. Their Facebook page mentions a disturbing trend around the U.S.

And finally, because no descent into human pond scummery would be complete without at least one politician's amoral conduct,

A Global Pandemic, you say? Get my Stockbroker on the Phone: In the movie Contagion, Laurence Fishburne's CDC doctor character faces losing his job because he warns a friend to get out of her hometown before the pendemic reaches her. It's a moral gray area and something almost anybody would do in real life. Less ethically and morally ambiguous are the responses of some Republican senators and at least one husband of a Democrat who, upon hearing of the impending Covid-19 outbreak, did what any caring, empathetic human being would. They sold their stocks in companies facing devaluing. Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, head of the Senate Intelligence Committee, sold upwards of $1.7 million. In response to the calls for his immediate resignation, he basically said, "OH, is that why you thought I did it? Nah, I am just a really smart investor!" Everybody else claimed they have investors doing the work for them so they were unaware of the sales.

More to come~



Read Previous Dispatch here.

Hobby Lobby Remaining Open Because "God"

 God-fearin' and exploitin' Hobby Lobby CEO David Green's "prayer warrior" wife Barbara prayed so hard about this Covid-19 epidemic bugaboo that she was rewarded with a vision in the form of three easily memorized and repeated words: "Guide, Guard and Groom." And since God apparently talks like a sales seminar, that phrase is somehow meant to comfort the thousands of Hobby Lobby employees who are being made to continue working at the arts and crafts superstore.
As you can see from the memo to the left, Hobby Lobby has no intention of modifying its hours, let alone closing during a global pendemic; not when there are sales and money to be made.
You don't have to take this blog's word for it, however. The email pictured below gives pretty clear indication of the extent to which the Hobby Lobby corporation will go to profit off of tragedy.

At this point, if you still don't want to accept the evidence as presented by awesome Twitter user "Towanda the Avenger," maybe this actual notice from the Hobby Lobby website will convince you. Pay especial attention to the sentence where they say any employees who exhibit signs of Covid-19 will be sent home to self-isolate but nothing about immediately closing down right after. Clearly the CDC guidelines are not a concern for Green because his wife's conveniently catchy God-provided vision will save the day.

None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who has followed the Hobby Lobby saga over the years. Providing meager sick pay and violating the Family Medical Leave Act at least once, Green's fundamentalist hypocrisy has been on full display for years. Many would consider this a new low, however. A non-essential business remaining open based on dubious claims of Godly protection that is clearly exploiting a global pandemic for sales reasons isn't just affecting individuals or even the company's employees. Keeping their stores open when the World Health Organization, The CDC and your local veterinarian all agree you should not is irresponsible and the very hallmark of profit over people.