I'm not a screenwriter for the most part but I dig the sentiment anyway.

Next Big Thing Blog Hop!

I’ve been tagged by the one and only Montilee Stormer to answer a set of questions for the “Next Big Thing Blog Hop,” a post started by someone named Dana M. Baird. I only respond to this because Montilee wrote “This is simplicity itself: each tagged author blogs answers to the same set of questions about their current work in progress and then passes the torch to some other great authors who will do the same.”

Easy and a compliment? Yep, I’m in.

What is the working title of your next book?

That would be the next novel in my “Infinity’s Core” trilogy, “Echoes of Infinity’s Core.” Despite more delays than Michigan traffic during construction season, I’m optimistic that this particular tome shall rear its head sometime in the earlier portion of 2013.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I was leaving my house on the way to work and, in the middle of closing the door, I suddenly thought, “Y’know , the story didn’t really end in ‘Dreamers.’” From that point forward, I suddenly realized my characters were in charge and it was my job to provide yummy snacks and plunge their toilets while they told me how the story should work out.

What genre does your book fall under?

Urban/Dark Fantasy, a genre whose definition shifts more than Mitt Romney’s political convictions!

What is the synopsis or blurb for this book?

Hold on, lemme pull it from that dark place nobody wants to explore. Ahem!  “Six months have passed since Ned and Ernie faced oblivion, but nothing really ended that day. The ravenous entities are still hungry, only now one of their two enemies might just turn out to be a willing participant in their plans.”

What actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I don’t picture actors when I write, just real people.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Neither. I already have a publisher.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

About five months.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

My own misery at the time, the idea that heroes often sacrifice too much and maybe one of them might say “Fuck that! I want mine, too!”

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

If I write something that I find comparable to someone else’s work, I stop writing it. It’s not my thing to copy others. Too many writers are doing that these days and, frankly, it disgusts me. However, I did notice disturbing similarities in tone to “John Dies at the End,” which was published after my novel. *hitches up belt*

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

It features a randy, naked old lady and an insane cop who lectures people about following the law then shoots them in the back of the head. Yet, I still insist it’s a work of fiction!

Some Stuff I'd like to See Happen or Go Away in 2013.

I used to do these lists on my alter-ego's blog and they were always a big hit with my readers, most of whom have followed me over to other forms of social media and even my published fiction. Those lists were pretty raw and mea culpa to anyone expecting that level of foul-mouthery here. This is, after all, my professional writer's blog. However, just for the old-timers, I'll thrown in a few swears.

Okay, I've over-indulged myself enough. Scroll down for the most important list you'll ever read!

Everlasting Love for Taylor Swift!-While she symbolizes all things bubble-gum, I sincerely hope to see her in a healthy, productive relationship in 2013! Every time someone turns on the radio at work, her latest evil boyfriend anthem bursts forth form the speakers like some dime store version of primal scream therapy. I can't halt the onslaught of her creatively bankrupt warbling, so at least I can hope she never ever everrrrrrrr writes another breakup song...like, EVER!

No More Teabaggers- Nothing would please me more than to witness the dissolution of the so-called “Tea party” this coming year. They're a blight on the political landscape and a collective of self-deluded armchair revolutionaries who can't seem to see the real world. Their moment came and they squandered it by allowing the Koch Brothers and Fox “News” to co-opt their movement while it was in its infancy. Time's up, Baggers.

Zombie Crap-pocalypse: the Final Chapter- While I'm on the subject of things going away, how 'bout that zombie fad? What do ya say? No? Sorry, you'll have to pull your head out of your ass so I can hear you better! Enough is enough! I predicted this fad a few years back and I've never been less happy to be right. Perhaps it's the social networking association that's the real issue here. Every other person on Facebook is posting about the coming zombie apocalypse every other minute. A sub-genre of horror that always had very little appeal for me or much to say in has now become the equivalent of Magic the Gathering and other lapses into extreme dorkiness. It's why I'm reluctant to write them and why an entire book publishing company's very existence disgusts me. I know I'm not alone on this one.

Adele Back to Hell- Speaking of fad's out-staying their welcomes, hasn't this derivative, self-pitying waste of space experienced her fifteenth minute yet? If I wanna listen to Allison Moyet, I will. I realize there are millions of white women over thirty who have had bad relationships and don't relate to Taylor Swift, but surely they can do better than some third rate would-be blue-eyed soul singer from the English 'Hood?

And now for something a bit more optimistic, if not necessarily realistic:

Actual Bi-Partisan Cooperation- Having already mentioned my desire to witness the demise of Teabaggery in the coming year, I'd also like to see the two major parties cooperating the way they used to before Karl Rove and Newt Ginrich effectivelty stymied all forms of bi-partisanship in their bid to dominate the political landscape. Their failure hasn't registered with everyone on the Right yet, and it has paralyzed government in several key ways. It would be nice to see that diminish.

More Superhero Movies- I don't care if you disagree! Actually, I do care. Because if you do, we got a problem and the only way to solve it is for you to pucker up! When I was growing up, the concept of well-made properly funded movies featuring costumed heroes was a pipe dream, the wishful thinking of fandom still not loud enough to make a difference. Those days are over, and now we're seeing the online marauders railing against the trend, as if it's anywhere near as obnoxious as “Twlight”or zombies. More! More, I say! I won't say “Enough” until all viable characters have been exhausted and the only one left is Vibe! (Look him up!)

 

Big Changes for Fox News- Look, I realize such a well-funded corporate entity isn't just going to vanish. And truthfully, I don't want it to. But what I would like to see is Fox admitting its bias or, even better, being pushed in a more centrist direction. Contrary to what its viewers think, the pundit shows are not the only ones on Fox pushing a blatant agenda. It's far more complex than that. The issue and phrase of the day originates on the morning show and slowly disperses to everyone else. That's not news, that's PR.

No More Shows About Nobody's- I don't care if you're a rich man's wife or had a hit single in Zimbabwe in 1987, you don't deserve your own TV show. Being bitchy and shallow should not result in being rewarded. We're supposed to break children of those traits, yet older, plastic surgery-mutilated people prove daily that they're perfectly fine. Glorification of idiots has hopefully hit its epoch, judging by the various backlashes I've noticed occuring in the past year. I sincerely hope that backlash is harnessed into an actual removal of such demented forms of entertainment. But don't touch Honey Boo-Boo 'cause that reminds people what can happen when Teabaggers run things.

Coldplay No More Play- Recently, a Coldplay concert was playing at a local theater whose Facebook page I just happen to follow. My reply: “Hooray, said the Year 2002!” I was kindly admonished for my irreverance. I was serious, though. Except for a brief moment during a time when I was severely depressed and their sophmore release spoke to me in deeply personal ways, I've always considered Coldplay little more than the after-birth of a great Nineties Britpop movement. I own CDs from superior bands who came out around the same time, but with one possible exception, none of them exuded the customary blandness that's become a requirement for American radio play. I've heard Muzak with more creativity and a happy Chris Martin is the worst thing to happen to an already mediocre band.

The Much-Anticipated “Echoes of Infinity's Core”- Without boring you with behind-the-scenes tales, the second novel in my (for now) “Infinity's Core” trilogy has experienced several release delays. For those of you who've been asking me about the book, yes, it was completed long ago. However, other books have taken priority with my publisher, a fact with which I have no problem. However, I do feel the need to apologize to those who were expecting it in 2012. I was only going by what I was told.

Floorboards: The Short Movie- Speaking of delays, another slighter one took place regarding the production based on my as yet unpublished short story, “Floorboards.” For those in the Unaware Club, a former co-worker of mine who is apparently a fan of my work approached me recently about filming some of my short stories. We sat and storyboarded the hell out of the story mentioned in this section, and filming was to begin in November before he ran into some personal issues that caused a delay. It's coming, though.

The Return of Good Movies- 2012 was a garbage dump in the film's released department. With the exception of The Avengers and the latest Bourne film, everything else I saw theatrically was either terrible or just okay, the latter being films like Skyfall and Lincoln. I still hold out hope for Django Unchained, my most anticipated film of the year, but here's hoping 2013 will be an improvement. I'm tired of sitting in the theater thinking, “Did I like that? Why not?”

A Law Prohibiting Those Gawd-arful Vocalist Talent Shows- I don't care if you enjoy them. These shows have not only out-stayed their welcome, they've become a detriment to creativity. I won't even mention originality because it stirs too much controversy. By taking the concept of the local talent show and turning it into a national showcase, the producers of shows like American Idle and Such a Voice have caused music to further devolve into little more than a backing track for fabricated celebrities who've earned none of their fame and add nothing to the overall human condition. Think I'm being too lofty? That makes you part of the problem. While these bubble-gum turds might have a place, they're the equivalent of Harlequin romances: Distractions of no consequence that are easily discarded and forgotten.

 

 

That's it for now and possibly forever if this list causes a negative backlash or, even worse, people don't find it entertaining. Let me know so I can find a different way to make an ass of myself!

And Now, An "Awwww" Moment.

My pups posing with Santa.

Another Positive Mention of "Always Say Treat"

What can I say? The Brits, they get me, man. They get me!

Read the Review by the British Fantasy Society here.

Doing the (Write) Thing.

"Writers write. That may be an obvious thing to say but [it's true]. There's no such thing as a potential writer, there's only somebody who is doing the thing. It's like saying you're a potential boat builder. No, you're a boat builder when you're building a boat."

-Clive Barker

Click here for a TV interview of me talking about "doing the thing."

Making the Cut.

Below is an email from an editor regarding a submission whose status I'd been wondering about for a while. My reply comes after it. I don't feel the need to provide commentary on this one because if you get the field in which I toil, you will know that this is a positive email:

Christopher,

My apologies for taking so long to get back to you with a response to your submission ‘The Gipper Memorandum’ intended for consideration for our upcoming Dark Visions anthology.

I want to personally thank you for making our call for author submissions an overwhelming success. With your help, we received a literal avalanche of quality fiction. But with the large number of submissions, comes an extended review process; and I appreciate your continued patience throughout.

I’d like to share with you some insights into our process. Our Acquisitions Team is conducting a two-step approach wherein all submissions are carefully reviewed by each member of the team. A small number of these submissions will then move into Phase 2, or what we call Second Review. Acceptance to Second Review is based on how the piece is rated by our editors on several variables. We estimate that only 20% of all manuscripts move on for Second Review.

We’ve reviewed your manuscript, enjoyed the read and the level of creativity that is very apparent in your work. As a result, I’m happy to let you know that ‘The Gipper Memorandum’ has moved into Second Review due to the fact that it was a favorite of one or more members of the review team. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that ‘The Gipper Memorandum’ will ultimately be accepted for Dark Visions, but I can tell you it is far closer to that point since moving to Second Review.

It’s our goal to respect you, the author, and keep you abreast of all developments throughout our process. While this update may not have been exactly what you were looking for at this point, we hope that our efforts to keep you involved will be appreciated. We honestly believe that publishing quality fiction requires a team whose members work together with as much transparency as possible. And it’s our intention to create a publishing house where the author is a valued member of the team and one who is involved along the way, with the ultimate goal being to produce truly exceptional results.

The submission deadline for Dark Visions is 12/21/12. And, to be fair to all submitting authors, we’d like to hold off on any final decisions until after that date. In addition, it’s possible that Dark Visions could be a multi-volume release, the number of which is yet to be determined. For these reasons, I’m hoping that waiting on a final decision on your piece until shortly after the closing deadline will be alright with you. I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer than you already have, but hope you understand.

One thing I’d also ask (if it’s not too much of a problem), if you happened to have submitted this piece to another market and it is (or has been) accepted by that market prior to you hearing back from me, could you do me a favor and let me know? This would be greatly appreciated and will really help us out moving forward.

Also, if you do the Social Media thing, I encourage you to either Follow us on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/greymatterpress) and/or Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/GreyMatterPress) to ensure you get general updates on all current and upcoming anthologies. We often post information for submitting authors that you might find helpful.

Speaking for everyone here at Grey Matter, I want to thank you very much for sharing your work with us. And if you have any questions or concerns as we near the end of this process, please feel free to reach out to me. I am more than willing to either answer your questions, or get you the help you need.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Tony

 

 

Tony,

Thanks so much for the update. This is not a process that is foreign to me and I appreciate the fact that I made it into second review. This piece has not been submitted elsewhere.

Regards,

Christopher Nadeau

COMING SOON!

The latest Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers anthology! This one's theme is phobias and the like and features my short story "Jeremiah's Maladay," about a family stuck in perpetual combat with a self-aware disease.

 

Further info to come!

Brief Rant #1: Decide What the Hell You Are!

In the interests of curmudgeon-dom, I've decided to post weekly rants that are related to my chosen field. This one concerns people who can't seem to decide who or what they are. For example, I recently concluded that a would-be magazine publisher and editor was really more interested in posting his forever-long novel than in publishing the works of others. How did I reach this conclusion?

It happened by me growing tired of waiting for a response regarding a submission. Everybody misses the occasional email, but when you're continually posting "Hey check out this latest chapter of my novel" posts on Facebook, it's harder to accept that you are missing wall posts asking when the next magazine is coming out and whether or not you ever read someone's submission from six months ago!

This magazine published something of mine and I was very happy with not only the presentation of the story but the magazine itself. I read some negative things about the publisher, but that's par for the course. However, ignoring or disregaridng someone's inquiry after well beyond the supposed "reading period" is unprofessional and immature.

Why immature, you probably didn't ask?  Because it's being done in favor of incessant "looky what I wrote" postings. To be fair, all writers want their work to be recognized. But to be honest, I don't really care what you wrote if you don't care what I wrote. It's different if you're a fellow writer hawking your wares, but once you cross over into publisher territory, that makes you something different. You are symbolic of an opportunity.

So many people in this Internet Age can't figure out what they are because there are so many things available to them. But if you're going to call youself a publisher and promise a chance at publication, you better goddam well make sure you deliver, or your chapters will go unread by me and many others who now consider you a BS artist.

Rant over.

Another Unexpected Review.

Although Googling one's self can lead to hairy palms and blindless, for writers it often results in finding reviews of our work we had no idea were out there.

Conrad Zero reviews the Legends of the Monster Hunter anthology and singles out my story as something Lovecraft would be proud of!

Read it here.

On the Films of Steven Spielberg.

My views on Steven Spielberg and his films have changed over the years. When I was a kid, I thought he was the Second Coming, the filmmaker of the coolest movies this side of George Lucas. Then the Eighties ended and I started noticing the emperor had holes in his underwear.  With mainstream acceptance among his peers came a Spielberg more willing to take risks and make the types of films he’d been denied before.

Spielberg has now made a lot of movies of varying genres, nearly all of the ones not involving George Lucas filled with manipulative, cloying sentimentality. Below is the list of his movies I’ve seen and what I think of them. I’ll just put this out there now: If “Schindler’s List” is one of your sacred cows, you probably want to stop reading.

The List:

Duel- An impressive debut, this tale of road rage was well ahead of its time and felt too high-end to be made for TV. But it was. You can’t really screw up a good Richard Matheson story and Spielberg breathed life into this one with zeal.

Jaws- Overrated. Good on a technical level, but that’s Spielberg’s strength. As a movie, it’s a lurching, underacted snooze.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind- Oh, look at the pretty lights and cool aliens. Okay, wake me up when anything interesting happens…It’s over?

Raiders of the Lost Ark- Flawless. Lucas and Kasdan and Ford, oh my. These are the types of films at which Spielberg excels. There was no room for his schmaltzy sentimentality here.

E.T.- One of Spielberg’s corniest, schmaltziest films. I loved it when I was a kid, but after being dragged to see it by yet another family member for a seventh time, I began realizing just how bad it was. Nowhere has alien contact been mishandled with such childish annoyance. What’s really frustrating is how Spielberg gets good performances out of his actors while forcing them to emote into a Hallmark greeting card.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom- Still good but suffers from the inclusion of two annoying sidekicks and the director’s obvious hots for Kate Capshaw. Don’t believe me? Watch the DVD extras, and don’t forget he was married at the time.

Empire of the Sun- Although it views like a commercial for the resilience of young boys, it’s a relatively watchable film filled with wonderful imagery and a genuinely touching ending.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade- For some reason, Spielberg didn’t want to direct another Indy film until the father/son dynamic was revealed. Once more, Lucas’ involvement precludes any sentimentality and aside from a few less-inspired action sequences, it’s closer to the greatness of the original.

Hook- Pure torture, let’s move on.

Jurassic Park- I was no fan of Michael Crichton’s alarmist rhetoric in the form of cautionary Frankenstein unleashed melodrama, so it should come as no surprise that I hated this movie with the intensity of a thousand suns. Oddly, the core idea was good, but Spielberg’s distracted, uninvolved direction turned it into a snooze-fest of epic proportions. In fact, the most riveting scene in the film is the scene at the dinner table where the ethical implications of cloning are discussed, probably because Spielberg had no choice but to show up to work on a non-fx day!

Schindler’s List- The Holy Grail of Holocaust films and the reason why Spielberg was so distracted during the filming of Jurassic Park. This film does a huge disservice to the Holocaust and those watching it by painting a black and white portrait of comic book level super villainy. The director finally reveals that he doesn’t seem to know the difference between sentimentality and genuine emotion with this tear-jerker. The real irony is after this, he claimed he didn’t want to do another Indiana Jones film with “cartoonish Nazis,” as if this film wasn’t stocked with them.

The Lost World- Ironically, this Jurassic park sequel improves on the original by actually providing a story and dramatic tension that doesn’t involve people hiding under a desk from dinosaurs that probably never existed. The emotions are real and the stakes feel real, too. Not a great film but decent.

Amistad- Spielberg’s saving grave when making films about historical events is that he surrounds himself with good and great actors. Amistad is one such case and the only reason it’s a success.

Saving Private Ryan- Although it runs on a bit longer than it should and the last scene is unnecessary, this is what I consider to be one of Spielberg’s great films. The pacing is perfect, the battle recreations are disturbingly well-done, and the acting and imagery are second to none. After this film, I was convinced Spielberg was headed towards more great films.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence- Stanley Kubrick made two great films (A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey) and a whole bunch of other ones. This was to be his film, too, but he died when he realized he was filming “Eyes Wide Shut” and people might actually see it. I don’t blame him, but Spielberg shot the movie in his friend’s honor. It’s actually pretty good. You also can’t usually go wrong with a Brian Aldiss story. Sensing a theme here? More on that later.

Minority Report- The second in what I see as Spielberg’s science fiction trilogy, this is a severely underrated film thanks in no small part to Tom Cruise’s performance and stunning visuals. You can go wrong with a Phillip K Dick story, but only if you’re a complete idiot.

Catch me if you Can- So far, my theory that Spielberg was back to making good movies was not disproven with this witty, well-acted true story movie.

The Terminal- Another good one. Spielberg and Tom Hanks make a groovy combo, baby.

War of the Worlds- Lookit him go! This one made me forget all about his lackluster earlier attempts at films about aliens. Took a classic and reinvented it brilliantly. Yes, there’s your typical Spielberg ending where all the kids are okay, but this ain’t Frank Darabont!

Munich- And the Spielberg express ground to a screeching halt. What made this man think he could shoot a Seventies-style William Friedkin-esque epic based on a true story? He actually does pretty well for the first hour, then the film unspools like a poorly wound cassette. Eric Bana isn’t a good actor on his best day (his sad attempts at scenery chewing in the Star Trek reboot pulled me out of the movie) but nowhere were his meager talents more on display than in this plodding mess. And what the hell was Daniel Craig in this movie for? A total waste of time and talent.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- I don’t care what anybody says, this movie showed us Spielberg can still deliver actual entertainment. Featuring some of his best camera work and visuals, this movie is also severely underrated. Oh, and Lucas was involved.

Lincoln- I know the over 50 set is embracing this movie like a long lost love, but I’m afraid it doesn’t live up to its hype. Despite the impressive cast and acting, the script is relatively dull and the direction is shallow. Spielberg is simply out of his depth when trying to capture historical drama. He can’t do it all.

 

So what can we conclude here? For one thing, Spielberg works best from the work of superior writers. An auteur he ain’t. Also, his strongest ability, emotion, does not serve him well when dealing with weightier topics. That doesn’t mean he’s shameless like Mel Gibson, but he’s damn close! All in all, Spielberg is a very good director whose reputation has been vastly exaggerated by his box office success.

I take issue with people who blindly think he’s this wonderful filmmaker because of the films in his filmography rather than the content of those films. Soon he will be making the film version of “Robopocalypse,” one of my favorite recent novels. I can only hope my theory holds and the superior writer’s material becomes a good film.

Quote of the Day.

"...even if you overlooked the production values from a 1986 porno and special effects like something your nephew cooked up on his Mac, the movie’s “Yay, money!” zingers are just a big bag of sad."<sup>[

Kyle Smith, New York Post, from his review of Atlas Shrugged II</sup>

Well, I thought it was funny.

 

• Tickets still available for Coldplay Live tomorrow night!

  

  The Maple Theater > Home

  themapletheater.com

  Jon on digital concerts: "First, you are sitting in the front row for $12. Second, the sound is perfect. Third, the bathroom is close.">>Read More

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    Christopher Nadeau "Cool!" said the year 2002.

    39 minutes ago · Like
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    The Maple Theater Now, now - Some would say Coldplay's music, much like their audience, has aged like a fine wine. If nothing else, this is a good opportunity to hear our brand new sound system in action.

    about a minute ago · Like
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    Christopher Nadeau LOL

    a few seconds ago · Like

An Unexpected Review.

I ran across a message board discussing the Smart Rhino Publications' first anthology, "Zippered Flesh", which contained a short story by yours unruly. The moderator wrote the following:

"Oh, baby! Just finished Christopher Nadeau's "You With Me" and it's a doozy. I gotta pick up more of this guy's stuff.

Like I mentioned before, I hate to reveal much because these are short little nuggets of stories and every detail is best discovered by the reader, but I will say this; I got a little Human Centipede vibe with this one. Not that we meet a guy making people into some weird new breed of combined pieces of human, but rather a story that involves a crazy obsession. A mad scientist idea run amok.

I've said too much already..."
There is no greater praise than that.

Click here for the entire thread.

Lights, Camera, Boredom!

I was interviewed on the local talkshow, "Weekly Entertainment" this past Thursday. The show airs next week. I had a blast being interviewed and was amazed at how quickly the time went without one moment of awkward silence.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch it, but I will post the airdate and any related links so those who are interested can watch me talk about such things as motivation, my views on self-publishing, and why it's important to have an inner crap filter.

I'm sure you'll find me riveting~

My Most Recent Printerview. (I just coined that phrase 'cause I'm so clever)

I'm proud to say I have a story appearing in the third Pill Hill Press Monster Hunters anthology, meaning I will now have appeared in all three volumes. Editor Miles Boothe, one of the cooler guys in the industry, interviewed me for the upcoming publication.

Click here for the interview and don't forget to scroll down to the bottom, where you can find a link to my brand new website being unveiled here for the first time!

Yep.

The Hazards of Mentoring Mediocrity

If there's one thing the Internet has taught me, it is that I am a writer because I tell people that's what I am. Wait, that's not exactly true. I'm a writer because I decided I'm one. Wait. Maybe I'm a writer because I put some stuff on the Internet with my name next to it.

Never mind the years of training and trial and error and being mentored. None of that shit means a thing these days. Apparently, all one needs is a "Fuck You" attitude and they too are writers. I'm not sure when everybody decided to emulate Harlan Ellison, but there is one vital component to his personality they just might be lacking: HE'S A GENIUS!

I have no quarrell with the Eminem School of "Me Being Me." We all bring different experiences and outlooks to the table. It's what makes life bearable. But it isn't the final word on whether or not someone has talent. In fact, the worse a person's attitude, the worse their prose, in many cases.

I've always subscribed to the Pay it Forward mentality when it comes to aspiring writers, a trait I've learned is rare among my colleagues. Lately I've begun to see why they may be right and I may be wrong. Too often mediocre "talents" attempt to glom onto anyone they think they can learn from. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself; on the surface, it's a valid way of learning, especially when you haven't the slightest fucking clue what you're doing.

But what seems to eventually happen in some cases is that eager beaver turns into a shark seeking blood in order to validate itself. When that happens, they put me in the mind of the hired gun in "The Outlaw Josey Wales" who prompted the title character to remark that "dyin' ain't much of a livin'." In other words, they seem to need to tear down the one who's doing what they want so desperately to be perceived as doing because they've begun realizing maybe they're not going to do it after all.

It has happened in the distant and recent past and I've finally reached a point of zero tolerance.  But when someone tries to act like a bigshot with industry knowledge while still a neophyte and nobody checks them on it, my opening sentence becomes a prophecy well on its way to being fulfilled.

If it does, I won't be party to helping it along. I'm too busy writing and getting published and having people read my work to deal with that particular bullshit anymore. Latch onto someone else likes the ticks that you are~

An Example of the Editorial Process.

Hey, guess what, Children of the Internet? Rejection is not only a reality, it's also a necessity and, honest to goshness, it's okay and you'll survive to be rejected again. So, instead of immediately accusing editors of being evil gatekeepers trying to prevent new talent from being seen (in reality their job is the exact opposite) and running to Amazon's self-pub crutch, try accepting the feedback and fixing the submission's issues.

That's what old Chris does, and it often pays off nicely. I'll give you an example, assuming you're still reading at this point. eFiction recently rejected a story I sent them, but were kind enough to advise me the story had potential and they'd love to take a second look at it once I'd done a rewrite. They even provided a link to an online writers workshop via their site so I could have someone go through it!

If a writer is unwilling to take advantage of that kind of resource, he or she might as well start writing pamphlets. Below are some of the comments the editor who workshopped my short story sent me:

"Jesus, I am loving this story, but you are missing an awesome moment." 

"You have a few problem areas that need to be fixed, but this story is where it is at. Good on you... damn it, I love being wrong when something turns out so wicked."

"To tell you the truth... you do not need another book to help your story. Your story can hold its own without mentioning someone else's work... but I love how you are informing us of another writer. So, make me understand what I don't."
"Freaking loved it!"
"Christopher Nadeau,

You evil bastard you.

Your's is the third that I've workshopped in conjunction with efiction. The first two I couldn't make it halfway... story is very important to me - more so than grammar.

It was midnight when I got off my eight hour factory shift and it is 2am now. I've spent two hours and three 22 ounce Cheladas reading your story.

I am extremely impressed. You have some definite problem areas that need to be corrected and I have thrown in a few suggestions here and there.

I want to see this story in the October edition of efiction - it deserves to be there."

Frankly, his comments are more entertaining than my story! I've only included a few here but he sent me five separate emails. Naturally, not all responses will be so positive, but without this type of feedback you're basically singing in the shower when the house is empty and expecting people to consider you a professional singer~

On the Death of Intelligent Discourse.

Somewhere along the line, due in no small measure to the Internet and social networking, people got the mistaken notion that one shouldn't discuss a topic if one isn't on the "right side" of it. In this case, my comments on where I was when former Princess Diana's untimely but probably planned death occured in 1997.

In a sea of "I was so sad" replies, mine naturally stood out among a select few who were basically unaffected.

The exact question on this particular message board read as follows:

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Princess Diana's death.
Where were you when you found out she had been killed in the now infamous car crash?


My initial reply is below:

Dealing with my mother's death and not caring about this screwed up woman.


Here are some replies to my comment:

"Wow if you don't have anything nice to say then just move on! So many ugly, hateful people anymore!"

 

"@ Christopher --- sorry for your loss, ... been there done that!! ... BOTH parents.... but you don't have to be so cruel, and say ANYTHING then! .... >:("

 

I could handle the first one, no big deal. But the second one required a response, one I felt was diplomatic and in no way incendiary:

 

" Thank you. Sorry for yours too. I lost both parents before I was 30 so I also have been there, done that. To your second point, this is general deiscussion board asking people what they were doing. Not all responses need to be of the 'OMG I was so bummed"'category. Many of us didn't care for or about Diana and our views are just as valid."

 

You'll notice I not only acknowledged her acknowlegement but expressed my condolences as well, despite my resentment of people who think they're the only ones who've lost both parents. Her reply is below:

 

"@ Christopher!! .... THEN .... YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY ................ ANYTHING!!! ... shut! up!! ... and LEAVE the subject moron!! ... jeeeez!"

 

Gloves off at this point, I replied:

 

"I thanked you for what you wrote to me and expressed sympathy for your loss and your response is to call me a moron? You're a classless imbecile with no concept of intelligent discussion and no longer worth my time or the oxygen a tree could use. To hell with you and your narrow-minded stupidity."

 

No response came to that one. I could've been a lot ruder than I was, but I realize these people are like boils on the ass of humanity; symptoms of a greater disease.

POST#300! My Latest Novel.

I swore I wasn't going to post anything on here that wasn't a big news item since the very next post available to me was a landmark number 300. As it turned out, I only had to wait a few days after my previous post to receive something worthy, namely a first look at the cover of the next "Infinity's Core" novel, due out in September!

The cover is below. I love how it incorporates elements of the first book but establishes itself as something very different, which is exactly how I feel about the novel itself. Take a look:

More updates as they come in~



Order the first book in the trilogy here.

Uncle Mike.

My Uncle Mike, who unfortunately moved to Georgia a few years ago has been struggling with cancer recently. He says he's in recovery and planning to move out of the Confederacy and back to Michigan and soon as he's able.

He was always my favorite Uncle, the "cool" one whose own creative output was phenomenal. He, along with my other uncle, worked as a professional musician in the Sixties for Motown until they went to California. Uncle Mike stuck with it but some things in his personal life prevented him from going all the way. One night while sitting in his car, my Uncle Mike told a 15-year old me not to ever give up on my creative choice. I won't tell you why he told me this because it isn't for me to say, but he made me swear to him I never would.

Uncle Mike is now one of my most devoted readers. That means a lot considering my parents died before I was published and he was a very influential male figure in my early years. Because he is still recovering from cancer and because he refuses to get a computer, I have started mailing him copies of stories I've had published.

Recently, I sent him a text message advising I was about to send another one and received the following reply:

GREAT! It sure fills a void! By the way, I don't know if I told you, But I'm very proud of U!

I have no words~

An Example of a Class Act.

The following is an email I received from one of the editors of an anthology that rejected a story of mine. The story has since been accepted elsewhere. I was most impressed with the sincere follow-up:

Dear Dark Faith 2 Submitter,

After I wrapped up work on the original Dark Faith anthology, I wrote a note to all the writers that took the time to send me a story. Now that the second volume is headed to the printers, I can take a moment to say thank you. Whether you wrote a story specifically for us or already had one on hand, Maurice and I appreciate both your interest in our anthology and the time and energy you put into your work.

If you’re interested in a peek behind the scenes, I wrote a blog post on the process of making Dark Faith 2. It includes a breakdown of the number and type of submissions, the process we went through to get to a final table of contents, and an analysis of the stories we accepted.
We suffered from an embarrassment of riches when it came to this book and had to pass on far too many terrific stories. To that end, I asked the publisher if there was any way we could offer you a discount on the new book. I’m happy to say Apex agreed to give submitters a 20% discount and free shipping on preorders. So if you’re interested in picking it up, follow this link to the Apex store and enter the discount code:  (Code removed for obviously reasons)
Thanks again for your submission. I hope you’ll consider sending us more stories in the future.
Best,
Jerry Gordon
Co-editor, Dark Faith Invocations

She said it, I Didn't!

				A Feast of Frights from the Horror Zine Price: $4.99 Availability: Auto-delivered wirelessly		196 used & new from $4.84
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful exceptional quality of the stories, April 21, 2012 This review is from: A Feast of Frights from the Horror Zine (Kindle Edition) I was so pleasantly surprised by the exceptional quality of the stories included in this collection. The scary, scary ideas were rich in quality and uniqueness. This book also includes lots of commentary, interviews with famous authors, articles, poems and artwork. There is really something for everyone, as long as you like horror! Some of the work is reprints, but most is original. Joe McKinney is fast becoming a favorite author of mine. All his writings are chilling and smart. Joe R. Lansdale is also so incredible. I like a lot Jeff Strand and Ed Gorman and others. Oh, the book is a good mix of best-selling authors and young authors, too. There are many in this book that are new writers to watch for success. Eric J. Guignard is really amazing and also Christian A. Larsen and Christopher Nadeau and Taylor Grant.

Quote of the Week.

"Free speech isn't about freedom from consequences. It's about a willingness to be held accountable for when you say stupid and ugly things. Your actions in the real world are not immune from consequences." 

                                      -David Gerrold, the man who gave the world Tribbles

Quote of the Week.

"There's only two places where the laws of the universe randomly change for no reason in the middle of a story, and that is a dream or a David Lynch movie, neither of which anyone really wants to watch."

- Christina H, Cracked.com

The Amazine Spider-man. A Review.

Let's get this out of the way: I was a huge fan of the original Spidey trilogy and truly felt Tobey Macguire captured the essense of the early Peter Parker. I felt a reboot was unecessary and a slap in the face, motivated more by Paramount's need to get another film released before they lost the licensing. I never planned to see the film, but my wife and a free ticket could not be denied.

I went into the theater fully expecting to hate the movie as much as I'd hated "The Dark Knight" four years previous. It had all the earmarks of the kind of film I hate: A too-soon reboot, a pretty boy teen dream as its star, and an attempt to darken the franchise because nobody seems to think any other kind of superhero film is valid anymore.

Thus we return once more to Spidey's origins, this time with a sub-plot involving his parents and their mysterious disappearance. That's one of a few storylines that fails to pay off in this movie, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

This Peter Parker grew up in the post-Grunge ear, so he's emo as all hell and, despite his looks and rock star build, is a social outcast. Also, unlike the Peter of early comics lore, he's not a "milksop." When he sees school bully Flash Thompson kicking the snot out of some kid, he leaps to his defense and refuses to photogaph it. One would think he'd want to get some evidence, but that would make sense and prevent Parker from also getting his ass handed to him.

This Spidey film follows the love story more closely to the comics. Gwen Stacey, she of the yellow bangs and short skirts, was Pete's first love, not Mary Jane. Not to spoil the future, but she's also the second person he's unable to save from a horrific death, but that doesn't happen in this movie. Gwen is also a genius science student who works for Curt Connors, the scientist all true Spidey fans know is the bad guy in the movie as soon as they hear his name or see he only has one arm.

The stage for intrigue is set when Pete finds his dad's old attache case and runs across some files with long equations. When he sneaks into the Oscorp building to meet with Connors, all the sets fall into place and we got us a Spiderman movie.

Mostly.

Part of the problem lies in inferior casting choices. Sally Field is a great actress, one of our finest, but she's more miscast here than ever as Aunt May. She and Martin sheen, whose Uncle Ben is excellent, also have zero on-screen chemistry. Then there's the husky-voiced Emma Stone as Gwen Stacey. She's not at all a bad actress but she often seems to be in a different movie until the final act.  The choice of Welsh actor Rhys Ifans as Connors is an odd once that has mixed results. As he changes from the good-natured humanist into the insane creature, his scenery chewing is sometimes painful to sit through.

That brings us to Andrew Garfield. How is he? Not bad, actually. His Peter Parker isn't the one from the previous films anymore than Christian Bale's growling Batman is the same as Michael Keaton's more refined version. As Parker, Garfield is effective, although it's obvious at times he's acting. As Spidey, he's a mixed bag of nuts.

Sam Raimi and MaGuire wisely chose not to have Sidey wisecrack too much while this film tries to show-horn in the one-liners. Garfield is not up to the challenge. His delivery is forced and the lines aren't very good. And perhaps that's the fault of the screenwriters. The dialogue in this installment is nowhere near the level of, for instance, Michael Chabon's in Spiderman 2.

That brings us to the visuals and effects. Frankly, they're lacking. The Spiderman suit...OY! I just became Yiddish to express how ugly it is. Then there are the webs. Whoever designed the effects for those should be backlisted. It's absolutely terrible. Not only do they look fake, but half the time they don't even seem to be coming from Spidey's web-shooters! They just appear on the screen.  And the Lizard looks as fake as the Scorpion King from ten years ago.

Director Mark Webb has nowhere near the action sensibilities of prevoius director Sam Raimi. The fight scenes are paint-by-numbers and uninspired and the webswining scenes, so effective in the other films, seems functional and serviceable in this one.

Bottom line, I didn't care as much what happened to anyone in this film as I did the originals. Dramatic misfires such as the way Uncle Ben dies like a bad-ass vigilante or the lack of closure on Pete's parents and the man who killed his uncle just make the movie feel incomplete. The epilogue during the credits backs that up.

All in all, it was a decent effort that would have been much better with the original creative team involved. I'd see a sequel, but much like Batman Begins, I might hate the second one to the point where the entire franchise is ruined permanently.

At least it was free~

Why a Writer’s Conference?

In this age of self-starters connected via social media to the entire industrialized world with the ability to self-publish through sites like Amazon and LuLu, many wonder why the older way of doing things, namely conferences, are even necessary. We’ll answer that question with another question:

Have you seen what the majority of writers who think they can go it alone produce?

At the risk of offending the self-publishing movement, (a.k.a. the “Indie writer” movement) there are no mythical “Gate-keepers” attempting to prevent new talent from thriving. On the contrary, the publishing industry thrives on new talent.

Are there close-minded publishers and editors out there? Absolutely. They’re human beings, not evil, inter-dimensional snobs bent on preventing the free flow of ideas. There’s often a legitimate reason your story or novel was rejected. The concept of letting work that isn’t up to snuff through the supposed “gates” so “the people can discover it” is just an endorsement of laziness.

This is not to say all self-published writers turn out an inferior product. Some well-known traditionally published writers have turned to self-publishing their more controversial work, such as award-winning science fiction author Norman Spinrad. However, without professional involvement and input, the likelihood of not reaching one’s potential is vastly increased.

If you chose to become a surgeon, you wouldn’t (we hope!) buy a bunch of books on the type of surgery you found most interesting, absorb them and start cutting into someone. Why should writing be any different?

The answer, of course, is it shouldn’t. Writer’s conferences are there to help you, to guide you, and to ultimately provide for you a venue in which you can thrive while learning. Sitting in your home office uploading files can never substitute for that experience!

Quick Thought on Audio Books.

Some people consider themselves having actually read a book if they listened to its unabridged audio adaptation. I don't, but I can see their point as a valid one even I don't think it qualifies as actually reading.

Much like what Roger Ebert said when digital film was first on the rise, I'm not sure the brain processes the information the same way. In fact, I don't believe it does. Still, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the occasional audio book. I just tend to listen to the ones I've already read.

That brings me to quality. Too often the chosen reader is quite terrible. I remember back when my mom was still alive and experiencing difficulty holding books due to her advanced Diabetic Neuropathy. I bought her scores of audio Star Trek adventures, most of them abridged and read by some cast member or another. They were excellently done, but they were the exception.

Disqualifying dramatized audio books that have full casts in them, which my friend and colleague P.S. Ramsey absolutely despises and I happen to adore, a straight read-through of a novel is a precarious thing, especially when the reader is selected to read a famous, well-loved work. I submit the ridiculously awful selection of Ethan Hawke to read Vonnegut's Slaughter-House Five.

Don't get me wrong; I respect the hell out of Ethan Hawke. I like his politics, his acting and, while I've never had occasion to read it, I hear his writing is also quite good. But his reading of Vonnegut's seminal masterpiece is painfully dreadful.

Maybe it's me, but Vonnegut's work tends to havea certain up, clipped tonality to it, does it not? His sparse prose and blunt phrasing lend themselves to an almost gleeful celebration of the mundane and inhumane. Yet Hawke reads it as if he's auditoning for the narration of "Apocalypse Now." He sounds tired, withdrawn, sleepy, even hungover.

Naturally, if I'd never read the novel I'd have no idea what cadence to expect, and for those weirdoes who still haven't read Slaughter-House Five, I suppose that makes his reading just fine and dandy.

For a fan of the book, however, the entire appeal of the narrative is wrecked beyond all recognition. There are few really good readers of audio books in the business. Most of Stephen King's books are exceptionally well-read, including those read the by the author himself.

"Exceptionally" is the operative word, however.

I've been told I'll be reading my own "Dreamers at Infinity's Core" someday in the near future for downloadable audio. I will, of course, read it the way it's supposed to sound and nail ever nuance and stand-out moment.

Be kind~