To Hell with Preciousness

 

The Evil Gatekeeper 

A message for all you would-be fiction writers out there who think your words are too precious to alter: Be prepared to rewrite or be prepared to self-publish. It's that simple. Don't wanna work with the so-called "Gatekeepers" who don't "get" you or who you believe want to squash your vast talent? Cool. Keep banging away on those keyboards and tablets and maybe, just maybe, you will find one or two people willing to publish your work as-is every single time. You might even hit the Big Time that way, except you most likely won't.

Writing for an audience doesn't mean whatever you write is what the audience should accept. While I'm no fan of writing specifically for other people, I am aware that other people are the ultimate goal for anyone sending their work out for consideration. Do you think singers only want to hear themselves in the shower? Of course not. And any singer who wants to leave that shower and be heard isn't going to tell everyone they audition for how stupid they are and how they don't recognize talent when they hear it.

I'm sure you can find a story or two to "prove me wrong" as if such an infinitesimal number proves anything.

Ultimately, writing is a craft. Crafts involve being scrutinized and going back to the drawing board. I'm sorry if your parents told you everything you wrote was brilliant and refused to stifle your imagination when you were out in public and should have been in the moment. Participation trophies are awesome, but they don't mean much more than, "I showed up and failed to distinguish myself." Translating that mentality to submitting fiction will not get you far.

Recently, I submitted a short story to a publisher who wrote back telling me they enjoyed the story but felt it dragged in the beginning and needed some rewriting to fit better with the types of stories they publish. Well, I don't mind telling you I was offended as all hell! I fired up the old PC and let loose with a string of invective that would make John McEnroe blush! I told this gatekeeper they were a fool with limited vision who didn't understand the brilliance they had been handed. How dare you, I wrote, tell me my story needs work? That's just an opinion! You are not worthy of my time or my very stable genius.

I don't mind telling you all of that because it's absolute bullshit. I would never and have never done that.

Have I encountered publishers and editors I determined were not very intelligent based on the feedback they provided? Of course. This field is like any other. Not everybody deserves their job. But I kept my mouth shut and moved on to someone else. That's how it works. Anything else is a temper tantrum.

So, yes. I am rewriting the story for this publication. Within the context of this publication's esthetic, the feedback is spot-on. There's a reason an editor would write the following, "You are a very talented writer and I have published you many times because of that. Would you be willing to rewrite your story to streamline it and pick up the pace?"

I earned that by taking feedback and applying it. Preciousness gets you nowhere except the back of the bitter barn.

That's my feedback. Take it for it's worth or condemn me for misunderstanding your stunning brilliance. it's up to you.

Things That Make Me Wonder Why I Even Bother...

Here it is, the dumbest thing I've seen since the last dumbest thing!

And in case you're thinking that's somebody's satirical design, there is an actual book by an actual author that you can order by clicking here.

I don't usually single out what I consider bad ideas but some people take the "write what you know" axiom too far! But of course readers with lower levels of expectation will flock to these types of gimmicky tales, especially if they feel it represents a group that has not been acknowledged in the genre...such as soccer moms. An this ain't your average, Karen-haircut-sportin', manager-demanding, throw a fit when Starbucks is out of her favorite drink soccer mom. This one is straight out of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer mold.

It's one of those ideas I'll readily admit having had at least once before ultimately dismissing it as derivative and lacking in the potential for genuine drama. But that's me. We've already established that I am unnecessarily hard on myself when it comes to striving for originality and avoiding tropes. Obviously I don't always succeed, but when something is so ludicrously on the nose, it gets discarded quickly and tossed in the embarrassment bin with its poorly wrought brethren. However, ideas are but one component of the fiction-creating process. What about the writing?

Fortunately, there is a sample provided of "Blackrose" prose. I read most of chapter one. It certainly isn't terrible, although the dialogue's sole purpose seems to be to give us all the backstory that would be better provided in descriptive paragraphs interspersed with dialogue. Of course, I'm looking through the eyes of a writer and editor, not an escape seeking soccer mom who simply wants easily understood adventure. And that is the audience here.

So, even though I think it's a dumb idea and am unimpressed with its execution, the book has thirteen positive reviews...all written by women who look like they could be the lead character, but still. She has successfully tapped into a demographic that likes what she's doing. If you're writing specifically for entertainment, what more could you hope for?

A better idea and a more demanding readership, that's what.

Shameless Self-Promotion and why I still avoid it.

Yesterday I was chided by a co-worker as we walked into one of the libraries I work for to start our day. She and I have worked together for at least two years  now if not longer and somehow she had never heard that I was a published author.

Keep in mind, this is a library. A place that could potentially carry my work and larger collections containing my contributions. Most of the people I work with know I'm a writer, although some of them may not know how much I've actually had published. Some of you are probably reading this in disbelief, thinking about how if you were a published author, everybody would know about it. I have no problem with that, it's just not how I have chosen to live my life.

I am by no means an extremist, however. I have a colleague from my old writing workshop days who doesn't tell co-workers anything about her secret identity as a published author. She prefers to keep the two parts of herself separate. I don't mind mixing them because, to my way of thinking, they aren't separate.

Being an author isn't a "side-hustle," that loathsome, ubiquitous expressions notwithstanding. It is the direct end result of being a writer. The author completes his or her work and sees it published and, gods willing, read by at least one dedicated, lonely individual out there living in a Unabomber-style shack, with apologies to The Simpsons. It is the final manifestation of all those undeniable creative urges we have felt since we can remember. The need to tell a story, to express one's self, cannot be reduced to a mere "hustle" to obtain extra cash. We'll leave that to dubious success stories such as the so-called "Food Babe and this guy.

So, when pressed to talk about my writing, a small part of me feels like a cheap huckster if I go too far, which I define as mentioning all the low, low prices my work can be purchased for if you just act now! 

What do I look like, one of those brazen self-publishing fanatics who fell for the algorithm-manipulating strategy of the mid-2000s?

I suspect my co-worker felt out of the loop more than anything else. When I told her I post on Facebook about my work all the time, she told me she only went on Facebook to read my bizarre, funny rants. I didn't have the heart to tell her she basically has seen my writing in that case.

However, in the interest of not alienating anyone who might be unaware of how or where to find the bulk of my published work, click this link.

Things People Say to Writers

I have heard numbers 4, 6, 7, 8, and 10. I guess that means I've been fortunate.

10 of the Oddest Story Rejection Reasons I've Ever Received. (Updated with a correction)

This is a post I've been contemplating writing for a few years now and I feel I've finally reached a point where I can do it the right way, namely without employing unwarranted insults or naming names. The younger, less confident me might have indulged in both just out of spite but I've reached the conclusion that people be different than one another and no amount of pointing out how ridiculous you find their points of view will change a thing about most of them.

Whenever an editor takes the time to provide personal feedback, it's a good thing. It's also rare. Most rejections consist of "Sadly it wasn't for us," which is not at all helpful. But when someone is taking in hundreds of submissions per month, it's understandable. And I have received some very helpful feedback in the form of rejection letters. These are not the helpful ones.

However, at the risk of incurring undue wrath or burning bridges, I'm going to keep my reasons general without mentioning the particular stories (several of which wound up published elsewhere) or their precise themes. Keep in mind these are in no particular order and they are mostly paraphrased:

• "Your story about revenge from beyond the grave is too angry for my anthology about revenge from beyond the grave."
• "We didn't believe your character could be so desirable to so many employers because she is a customer service rep so the story didn't work for us."
• "Your story about the Old West has a truck in it because it goes back and forth between past and present so it's not really about the Old West even though 80% of the story takes place there."
• "There's too much showing and, presumably, not enough telling in your story."
•  "This story might offend people who like to read because it presents a book store in a negative light."
• "I misinterpreted your homage as fan fiction which we don't publish."
• "Your realistic horror story was too dark and disturbing and might make readers uncomfortable."
• "Readers can't be expected to go back and forth in a short story despite the literal volumes of stories published that make them do exactly that."
• "All the editors LOVED LOVED LOVED this story, so of course we don't be publishing it."
• "The voice of the narrator is well done and fits the eerie setting perfectly.  The suspense carried me along, and your writing is exceptional and even though those would be reason enough, I am one of those people who judges every story by whether or not it has an ending that floors me so it's a no from me."

Every single reason listed above is genuine. I did not pull a fiction writer and fabricate any of them. With time, most of them wound up being funny to me and as with any field, some are indicative of a general incompetence on the part of those doing the evaluating. If you're an aspiring writer reading this post and feeling in any way discouraged, perhaps this next part will make you feel better: Each of the reasons listed above pertains to a different story, meaning there were ten stories. Eight of those stories were published elsewhere. It takes persistence and faith in one's self to take these types of things in stride and keep submitting. Then you too will one day have ridiculous stories to tell~

Correction: The editor who sent me "There's too much showing and, presumably, not enough telling in your story" as a reason replied to my email apologizing for what turned out to be a typo. So, thank God at least that one was an error.)

A Rejection Letter to be Proud of.

Anyone who writes and actually submits their work knows the inevitable rejection letter is part of the process. And for those of us who don't cower under the scrutiny of qualified professionals and run screeching with terror into the whore-ish arms of Amazon's self-publishing world, it can get pretty damn discouraging. As I recently wrote, I went through a dry spell where literally nothing I was sending out was getting published. Scroll to the earlier part of this year to see my posts on that topic. I was ready to stop.

However, I have published two short stories this year, marking something of a "return" for me. That doesn't mean there haven't been rejections, though. Unless a writer is on the level of being able to sell copies via name recognition, rejections tend to outnumber acceptances. But sometimes they're not so bad, and other times they're downright encouraging. Take the one below for example:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to include your story in the anthology. Our intention with the theme had always been to publish stories that had something to do with the sky. We received a large number of submissions, such as yours, that took the theme figuratively rather then literally. For a time, we considered changing our original plan to include some of these, but eventually decided to stay true to the initial theme. That said, your story was enjoyable and, if we have an upcoming collection that I feel it may fit, I'll get in touch."


I'm fine with that. Yes, it's disappointing as this is a story I've been trying to place somewhere for a few years, but the positive response means there is a possible home for it after all. And if the publisher finds a use for it, even better.

Sometimes it's okay to just have one's work acknowledged.