10 "Perfect" Movies (and why)

No preamble needed. See the list below:

1.  Raiders of the Lost Ark- Easily Spielberg's finest hour, this is the perfect marriage of he and Lucas. The plot is compelling, the main protagonist is an instant legend, and the shooting style feels very old school with its use of shadows and slow tracking shots. The action is also unmatched and catapulted adventure films onto a whole new level.
2. Casablanca- Movies that are written by more than two people have no right to be watchable let alone arguably the greatest movie ever made. But the changes to the script for "Casablanca" did nothing but make it better with each iteration. Inspired casting, direction, music and acting make this is a film without a single wasted moment.
3. Top Gun: Maverick- I'm not sure who decided sequels are automatically inferior to the originals but they were wrong and this film is why. There's never been a more pitch perfect sequel to a movie nobody expected to ever get one. There's reverence for the original without the plot descending into a by-the-numbers retread and the emotional stakes are off the scale. Another film without a wasted moment.
4. The Empire Strikes Back- Here's another one for sequel haters. No film before this one had ever taken a relatively skeletal first installment and developed it so beautifully in all areas. The characters are better fleshed out, the fight feels more urgent, the acting is stellar and the many reveals feel organic to the world Lucas created. 
5. Blazing Saddles- Few comedies age as beautifully as this one has. The jokes still work, the message is still as poignant as ever, and there's a real story being told with characters who seem like actual people despite the absurd goings-on around them. Also, Mel Brooks was born to direct westerns.
6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier- Paying attention, sequel haters? A brilliant sequel that shows how easily superhero stories can be adapted into other genres such as political suspense thrillers. 
7. Beverly Hills Cop- Proof that a script can sometimes serve as a framework for the ideas of a brilliant young comic at the height of his creativity, this is another movie that shouldn't have worked. If you don't believe me, take a look at "Cobra" starring Sylvester Stallone which was based on the same screenplay. That movie was ass. "Cop" was a perfect blend of comedy, gritty realism and social commentary.
8. Django Unchained- Although it's my second favorite Tarantino film, it's the one with the best execution. The acting, the setting, the action are all top notch and this is maybe the only filmmaker who could make you root for the hero to kill unarmed people.
9. Dark City- A true forgotten gem, Alex Proyas' film tells the story of a man who awakens with no memory of who or where he is. The mystery deepens until the Big Reveal which is about a shocking as it gets.
10. American Beauty- This one get maligned a lot nowadays because it's become fashionable to say it was overrated. It's not. It's a perfect snapshot of late Nineties ennui and the acting and direction are as good as it gets.

Next up: Imperfect Movies that are Still Great

Why "Andor" is Basically Terrible

So, imagine you invented something truly revolutionary. Picture all the people who were there when you did it, who helped and supported you and were part of it. Interesting people, I'm sure. Now imagine the person who stamped the paperwork so your patent was pending. 

That's who Andor is.

I'll admit I didn't have the highest anticipation for a "Star Wars" Disney+ series about a character whose imprint on the franchise was basically as a homicidal pile of ashes. He was meant to be an expendable Rebel whose actions aided in obtaining the Death Star plans so other people could blow it up and nobody would ever mention the names of the team he was on again; they were little more than a means to an end.

It's the most unnecessary origin story since Dumb & Dumberer. Why anyone cares about such a dull, detached character is truly baffling, as is the apparent need of screenwriter and creator of the cannon fodder character Tony Gilroy to provide a backstory to the backstory that feels like something from a very old, cheesy short story. It is even duller than Andor himself, if that's possible.

There seems to be a trend when it comes to streaming TV series to go at least two episodes without anything of note happening before rewarding the audience with some much needed, well-choregraphed action or suspense. Such was the case here where we waited an interminable amount of time and to entire episodes for something, anything, to happen to break up the monotony of the snail's pace and the constant need to world build a universe that has already been world built.

By the time the end of the fourth and once again totally eventless episode had ended, I found myself laughing at the abrupt ending.

As of this writing, I have watched four episodes of this dreadful waste of gigabytes and have no intention of continuing. It's too slow, there is only one interesting character, Stellan Skarskgard's Luthen Rael, a character who starts out like something out of a classic spaghetti western and slowly devolves into a cliché-riddled playacting chameleon. There is literally not one other character of note, including the droid.

Andor's troubles with the law after killing a guy for sitting on the ground don't make for riveting TV, nor do they make the protagonist anything less than a ruthless psychopath with a puppy dog face. He deserves to be caught and locked up if not worse. Anyone who's seen Rogue One knows he deserves even more than that because of what he does to the rebel with the bad leg. Andor is a lowlife who walks around looking innocent and pretending to be a victim. If ever there was a "hero" for the new age, it's him. 

So, to sum up we have a morally bankrupt screw-up joining a rebellion so he can one day murder an innocent man without the slightest twitch and nearly kill a young woman's father with a sniper rifle after lying to her. We also have a pace that is agonizingly slow, a soundtrack that is slumber-inducing, and not a Jedi to be seen. There are people who think the lack of Jedi is a good thing. I find that viewpoint idiotic.  

I find Andor idiotic as well. Bring on Asoka!

The Other Pandemic: Facebook Group Moderators and Their Out of Control Egos.

Okay, I admit that title is filled with hyperbole but hopefully it grabbed your attention enough to make you want to read further. To be honest, I am burned out on Covid 19 posts and this is one that has been demanding equal time in my head for about a week. Simply put, there are some truly messed up control freaks functioning as moderators on Facebook group pages. And when combined with an already toxic fanbase, what often results is a recipe for disaster.

Case in point: A group purporting to be a Star Wars fanpage that encourages positive commentary on the movies. On paper, its existence makes sense. Star Wars fandom has become rife with trolling, mysognistic, racist, hate-filled assholes who seem utterly clueless about George Lucas' intent. So, creating a safehaven for fans who legitemately love the movies sounded super keen and outta sight. And for a while, it was. Sadly, two things happened to change that.

First, a bunch of trolling, mysognistic, racist, hate-filled assholes started insulting and threatening a female moderator over something unsurprisingly benign, forcing her to threaten a page shutdown because she couldn't handle the attacks. A small group of moderators then stepped in and started bringing down the virtual hammer, banning and blocking jerk-asses until they'd been pretty much weeded out. Things were good for a little while, then the second thing happened.

At some point, at least one moderator, possibly more, began displaying signs of power consumption. Every perceived criticism of their flawless moderating activities resulted in swift retaliation, up to and including banning. One of the main complaints seemed to be due to a lack of consistency and clarity when it comes to the rules they seem so willing to use at their discretion. I wrongly assumed I would actually have to do something notable before I got banned, but as it turned out, all it took was GIF.

Before I show you the offending image, some perspective is in order. In the midst of a bit of a fuckarow regarding members posting things advertising their wares, a moderator attempted to justify her decision to remove posts and ban someone. Another member raised a mild objection while still praising the page overall, pointing out that maybe during a global pandemic, when people are losing money and not working, some leeway might be acceptable. To paraphrase that moderator's response, although our hearts go out to those people, nuh-uh. My response was below:



 Some hours later, I clicked on an alert where someone had liked my comment and it was nowhere to be found. I then realized the page wasn't either. I had been dropped and blocked. That was literally all it took...an opinion on what I still consider a shittily expressed decision that was neither insulting nor especially critical.

So, I started my own group. The conceit is similar: People Who Love Them Some Damn Star Wars but with one major caveat: The Admin and Moderators aren't control-hungry wackjobs. Also, at our discretion, we will allow some advertsing from members who have artwork and written material or even music that is somehow related. My moderators aren't going to be banning people because they had their fwagile widdle feewings hurted by someone finding a decision cold-hearted.

If you're interested, feel free to click here and get to joinin':

https://www.facebook.com/groups/starwarslovesanemoderators/

Review: Rian Johnson's "Knives Out"

If Rian Johnson's intention was to make a movie for the middle aged to elderly white female demographic, then boy howdy did he succeed. Sadly, I'm not in that prized demographic, so my response to the film was not the same as theirs. What I expected and what I got were definitely not the same thing.

Perhaps I can place the blame for my misperception on whoever put the trailer together. Or perhaps it was my own prejudice regarding mysteries, particularly of the Big Ol' House Full of Obnoxious Eccentrics variety. Clearly I'm not a fan of the genre so this is going to be a grain of salt review if ever there was one.

To be honest, I was expecting a satire. The tone of the trailer certainly gave me that impression, although I've asked around and not everyone felt that way. That leads me to conclude that my own dislike of the mystery genre makes it difficult for me to see these movies as anything except humorous. However, instead of a twenty-first century version of  "Clue" or the absolutely brilliant "Murder by Death," Johnson's film seems to take itself somewhat seriously. Fair enough. There are millions of people who actually live for movies set in spooky old houses where murder most foul has occurred and everybody is a suspect.

But even taking that into account, the mystery behind "Knives Out" is serviceable at best. As he showed us with the much maligned (unfairly, in my opinion) "Star Wars: The Last Jedi," Johnson lives to subvert expectations. He doesn't always succeed any more than M. Knight Shyamalan always pulls off a shocking surprise ending, but nobody can say he doesn't give it his all. Unfortunately, his all in this case results in a bit of a mess that doesn't really accomplish much.

*SPOILER ALERT*




For one thing, the murder that isn't really a murder but a cover-up that isn't really covered up reeks of screenwriter invention. There's nothing organic about it, thus is feels artificial, like a workshopped idea rather than anything even remotely approximating ingeniousness. Also, the characters are so broadly drawn that they should have been played for laughs, but the laughs come few and far between and don't last long. The movie never settles on a tone, but not in the Tarantino way where that works as an effective element to keep the audience off-balance.

The actors are very good. Much like the criminally overrated "Joker," they are the ones carrying a lackluster screenplay. But what "Knives Out" lacks is a charismatic lead. Daniel Craig gives it his best but his drawling private detective wears out his welcome after about an hour.  Ana de Armas is also very good but her impossibly virtuous nurse feels more like an over-compensation than an actual person. Even Chris Evans' supposedly attention-grabbing performance only garners attention because nobody else except Christopher Plummer is very interesting .

"Knives Out" is also way too long. With its superficial conceit and hamfisted atmospheric tone, it should have been over by 100 minutes, not 230. Hell, by the ninety minute mark my attention began wandering and, frankly, that's when the film went from mildly diverting to flirting with abject stupidity. That third act reveal should have never made it past the brainstorming stage. Mysteries in general tend to be hopelessly contrived but whenever they include someone sneaking in after the "murder" and coming up with some grand plan, it becomes beyond ridiculous. None of this would have been a problem is Johnson had made a comedy instead of whatever the hell this movie was.

I guess my disappointment is evident. I was so looking forward to this movie and truly regretted not seeing it in theaters. Thank God I never did, because this review would be far harsher if I'd paid to see it.

I guess what I'm trying nicely to say is this movie is so far up its own ass it could probably vomit itself back onto the screen for further self-indulgence.

Idiotic Comments I've had to Correct on Yahoo News Article Comment Sections.

I have no idea why, but I still deign to look at and comment on Yahoo! news articles. It's a fascinating glimpse into the miasmic anus that is the human condition.  Morons feel empowered pre-2006 style to write some of the most hateful, reactionary crap because it is still anonymous. But it isn't just a repository for stupid points of view, it's also where knowledge and facts go to die. It's where I've come to believe the mentality that says facts are the same as opinions was born.

For instance, some windsock level intellect commenting on filmmaker/comic geek Kevin Smith's effusive praise of "Avengers: Endgame" wrote, "Maybe that’s why he doesn’t make movies anymore.. to busy watching other people’s Marvel movies." 

Never mind that he wrote "to busy," he also neglected to do a quick search of Smith's filmography to find out about the movie he just released a few months ago. 

Assumptions reign supreme, however. On another article about the "Star Wars" comic book that one guy took issue with, he wrote, "Millennials writing Star Wars is as bad as the remake movies that BOMB every year."
Never mind that the only Star Wars film that was considered a major disappointment was "Solo." There's also the fact that a quick glance at the comic writer's bio reveals he is 45, hardly a millennial. 

Perhaps my favorite and subjectively speaking the best in recent memory is the brain stem-challenged twit whose criticism of a commentary article amounted to, "So this article's headline..... questions whether the movie flopped.... yet the article comes to the conclusion it clearly did. Gotcha."
To that one, I merely replied, "Yes, that's how analysis...works."

All of this brings me to my good buddy, Phil, possibly the biggest idiot I've encountered since a certain would-be children's book author/podcaster who ran screaming on Facebook several years ago when I caught him using biased sources and manipulating his interviews.  Phil is a real piece of work, a lump of coal in a diamond mine, and he didn't go easy into the stupid night. 

It all started when he misinterpreted someone's point on an article about the upcoming controversial film, "The Hunt." I won't spend time synopsizing the film here, but you can read the article by clicking here.

When I dared mention Phil-baby's lack of comprehension, he replied, " don't care what he said. The movie is inciting violence and hatred. What happens when one of you ANTIFA whackos act out what is on screen? Take your masks off and show your face, don't hide behind masks and hidden meanings in movies."

I replied, "Wait, now I'm a member of ANTIFA because I pointed out your lack of comprehension? Shall I call you a Nazi because you don't listen to logic? Rather not." (This was me still attempting to be reasonable and hopefully show him how he'd allowed his misplaced passion to cause an unjust value judgment.)

He instantly became enlightened and contrite, replying, "well you can't teach stupid, so you are free to babble all you want. If you defend this movie, you are promoting violence and hate."

He was right, of course. My objective attempt to point out that he didn't even understand what the original meant was clearly an incitement of violence. Clarification=ANTIFA, after all. 

I must have really gotten to him, though, because he followed up by writing, "then why are you here? My position is clear, the movie promotes violence. You proceeded to attempt (poorly) to insult me. So what is your goal troll? Either you disagree w my opinion, which means you support the movie, or you are just a worthless troll. Which one?"

At this point, I felt like we'd bonded to the level where I could extend a compassionate voice to him. So, I naturally replied, "Phil Wow, you really are a moron. Just because your position is clear doesn't make it less idiotic. Just means you're clearly stupid and unable to grasp simple concepts. That's why I'm here. Because you're so incredibly unintelligent, it drew my attention like a moth to flame. Movies don't promote violence, they tell stories. Many of them are poorly made, but the purpose of art is to challenge social norms and make us question. You can't do that. I get it. You're a MAGA drone, which is far worse than a troll."

And he lovingly wrote, "ok if that is your view, you are ignorant. This movie isn't "challenging social norms", it is dangerously promoting violence against those w differing political views. This is an extremely dangerous message in these times, and if you support and think its ok, you are just as ridiculous as you sound here. I'm more educated than you could ever dream, so keep up your Yahoo trolling career."

Now, nobody besmirches my Yahoo trolling career. I make good money doing...Wait.

Anyway! I wrote back, "Phil being educated and being intelligent are not always the same thing and it would seem that you are living proof of that. So, you can bandy about your Internet University credentials all you want. The simple fact is you are woefully ignorant of how art works and therefore more dangerous to society than a stupid, gimmicky movie because somebody thought it was a good idea that you be allowed to vote."

I then follered up with, "Also, educated people don't make insane leaps of logic based on anecdotal observations. Ex. Calling someone a member of ANTIFA because they clarify another person's point."

He replied, "ok you are exhausting and really gonna hurt yourself w big words. If you choose to glorify violence as "art", then you can own the consequences of supporting such as ridiculous film."

And my final reply, "Phil I'm sorry, does the poor educated genius struggle with my so-called "big words"? If you're exhausted, go take a nap lil'' fella and the big folks can keep talking."

That was the last thing posted. I feel like I really made a difference. I just know Phil reformed his ways and stopped being a judgmental asshair. He embraced the ability to analyze objectively and is even now spreading what he learned to others of his kind in an attempt to guide humanity into a new era of enlightenment unseen since the lost continent of Atlantis hit a dinosaur and sank into the Louisiana Bayou!

Best & worst Movies of the Last Ten Years- Updated as of 12/1/19!

Below is my list of what I considered to be the worst and best films of 2009-2019. Keep in mind this list is based solely on movies I have actually seen:

2009
Best: Inglorious Basterds
Worst: Avatar
Honorable Mention for Best: Watchmen & Star Trek
Most Overrated: The Hurt Locker


2010
Best: Inception
Worst: Hot Tub Time Machine & Jonah Hex
Honorable Mention for Best: True Grit & Kick-Ass
Honorable Mention for Worst: Skyline







2011
Best: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol & X-Men: First Class  
Worst: The Hangover Part II
Honorable Mention for Best: Another Earth
Honorable Mention for Worst: Hobo With a Shotgun
Most Overrated:  Super 8 (Still a good movie, though)

2012- This was a tough year for choosing one Worst!
Best: The Avengers
Worst: The Hunger Games
Honorable Mention for Worst: Skyfall
Honorable Mention for Best:  Looper

2013- The Year of Absolute Shit
Best: 12 Years a Slave
Worst: Frozen
Honorable Mention for Worst: Identity Thief & A Good Day to Die Hard & This is the End

2014
Best: X-Men Days of Future Past  & Captain America The Winter Soldier
Worst: Transformers: Age of Extinction
Honorable Mention For Best: Birdman 
Honorable Mention for Worst: Big Hero 6
Most Overrated: Guardians of the Galaxy

2015
Best: Stars Wars the Force Awakens
Worst: Fantastic Four
Honorable Mention for Best: Straight Outta Compton & The Martian
Most Overrated: Mad Max: Fury Road

2016
Best: Arrival & Shin Godzilla
Worst: Deadpool
Honorable Mention for Best: The Nice Guys
Most Overrated: Captain America: Civil War & Rogue One

2017 
Best: Logan
Worst: It
Honorable Mention  for Worst: Get Out (Also Most Overrated)

2018
Best: Avengers: Infinity War
Worst: No Movie Met the Criteria
Honorable Mention for Best: Annihilation & Bohemian Rhapsody
Most Overrated: Black Panther (A good but flawed movie)

2019
Best: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Worst: (SH)It: Chapter 2
Most Overrated: Captain Marvel 
Honorable Mention  for Worst: Avengers: Endgame (Didn't hate it but it was a huge disappointment on all levels

RECOMMENDATIONS- 3 MOVIES, 2 BOOKS

Since I don't have any new publication info to share, I thought I'd use this space to discuss the quality work of others. I am, after all, an admirer of good writing. I also like to recognize it in various formats, my feelings regarding the inherent superiority of the printed medium notwithstanding, one would have to be a fool to not recognize the brilliance often found on film.

So, I'll start with two movies I absolutely loved and one good one that should have been even better:

• Brightburn- A movie written by filmmaker James Gunn's brothers Brian and Mark, this is the anti-superhero movie I've been waiting for. Basically taking the Superman origin story and turning it on its head, this film reminds us how helpless we would be if a nearly all-powerful alien who looked like us arrived on Earth without heroic impulses. The movie is relatively small, prviding an intimate portrayal of its subject, and the payoff is disturbing and thought-provoking with the promise of more to come.

• Fast Color- Another stripped-down superhero story, this one deals with a lineage of African-American women (although the main protagonist is bi-racial) who have concealed their amazing powers from the world for centuries. Unfortunately, the world is running out of water and desperation had led a team of government-backed scientists to pursue any means necessary to fix what the human race has broken. This includes a woman named Ruth, portrayed by the distractingly beautiful Gugu Mbatha-Raw. A movie that it once a subtle Apocalyptic tale, a rumination of race and family and love, it is a slow-mover but well worth it. 

• Batman: Hush- This is the one I can't fully recommend. I'm not sure if I made the mistake of reading the source material first or if having done so was a good move, because the drop-off in quality is significant. Don't get me wrong. The movie is well-made. Warner Bros.' DC movies still have the best voice acting around and director Sam Liu has become quite good at getting consistent performances and suspense in these newer films. However, the treatment of the vastly superior graphic novel is spotty and the new twist simply does not work. One issue some of these newer animated films has is their tendency to take deeper storylines and given them a superficial makeover. Ultimately a good movie but should have been one of the best.

Books:

• Master and Apprentice- As big a "Star Wars" fan as I am, it's often difficult for me to complete the novels. However, once in a while one comes along I simply cannot put down and this was one of those. Focusing on a pivotal moment between Jedi Master Qui Gon Jinn and Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Claudia Gray spins an interesting tale that is just big enough to warrant not two but three Jedi Knights but small enough to not over-shadow the movies. Definitely worth a read.

• Becoming Superman: My Journey from Poverty to Hollywood- J. Michael Straczynski has long been one of my writing heroes. "Babylon 5" came along just as I was jumping off the Trekkie train and swiftly became my favorite science fiction series of all time. I have also followed his work in the comics medium and movies as well as his stint with one of "Twilight Zone" reboots. But I never knew what a horrible, abusive, traumatic childhood he'd led. I'm not even finished with this one yet and I'm already recommending it! 

Memo to Game of Thrones Fans...

Sad fanboy is Sad.

Is it over? Can I come back out now?

Good.

The “Game of Thrones” series finale has finally aired. To be honest, I thought the show had gone off the air a year or two ago. Obviously I was not among its devoted followers. I did watch the entire first season which kept me reasonably entertained, but by the second season, the show had succumbed to what I like to call “Mad Men Disease.” I define that as a show that was perfectly entertaining for a year’s worth of episodes but could have easily ended after that and it would have been just fine. “The Walking Dead” falls under this category as well. In fact, several cable series do.

So, I’m not here to discuss what happened in the show’s final, controversial season. I am here, however, to discuss the response that supposed controversy engendered and the disturbing trend I’ve been witnessing for the past decade. I’m also here to commiserate in a manner of speaking, er, writing.

Many of the series fans were outraged at whatever dramatic directions their favorite show took in its final season. I don’t pretend to know what those were but the outpouring of disgust all over social media was palpable. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen something like this, but I usually saw it in response to movies. But GOT is a blockbuster-level TV series and its viewers connect with it in similar ways.

We’ve all been disappointed by the way a favorite TV show ended. Many viewers of “Dexter” and “Lost” expressed their disdain for the finales of those shows. However, nobody decided to organize a slacktivist revolt and make the sort of demands GOT fans who hated the finale have mounted. Now, rather than simply wallow in perceived self-righteousness like “The Simpsons’” Comic Book Guy, these people feel they are owed a refund! Not on the money they paid to HBO for a subscription, but on their very hopes and desires when it comes to the show’s storyline.

These people created and signed a petition  to demand that HBO scrap the entire final season and redo it. Yes, grown people demanded a do-over because they were drowning in butthurt tears.

Over one million people signed this thing. Petition creator “Dylan” said he came up with the idea as a way to vent about his dissatisfaction, adding, “There is so much awful crap going on in the world, people like me need to escape into things like Star Wars and Game of Thrones. We fans invested a wealth of passion and time into this series... I love this story, and I, like most of you, was crushed to see how the last season (and season 7, let’s be real) has been handled."

Crushed. He was crushed.

Again...grown man.

To paraphrase that fun-loving cut-up Richard Nixon, let me be perfectly clear. I understand the sting of disappointment all-too well when it comes to having elevated hopes about the way a work of fiction turns out. Even I as a writer have taken issue with an ending from time to time. And I’ll just say it, I can relate to feeling seriously let down after having invested so many years and, in my case, so much money into a franchise only to see its final concluding installment turn out to be a disappointment.

That’s how I felt recently when I saw “Avengers Endgame.” My initial reaction was a stunned sadness. I didn’t hate the movie but it was not at all a satisfying or particularly thrilling conclusion in my opinion. But somehow, maybe because I have actually written fiction, it never occured to me to create a petition demanding that the Russo Brothers reshoot the parts of the movie I felt didn’t work and make it more like I would have.  

I’ll give “Dylan” credit for one thing, however. He does admit he has no idea what he would have done differently. Much like a Flat-Earther who can’t tell you why they believe in a conspiracy to make up think our globe is round, (see what I did there?) the petition-creator just knows he needs to speak up.

Against what exactly?

I’m sorry but creatives do not owe you what you think you want any more than your parents do. Just because someone has disturbed your comfort zone does not mean they are responsibility for comforting you. That’s your problem, not theirs.

The Russos chose a certain path for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I think it mostly sucks and is the result of terrible writing. I was bummed for about a week and then I moved on. I do know what I would have done differently and I’m arrogant enough to think of it as an improvement. But you know what? It ain’t gonna happen. The movie made two billion dollars. As far as millions of folks are concerned, they got it right. Likewise, GOT followed its creative path, got your money and your time, and now it’s over.

As with all other aspects of grown-up existence, we take our chances every time we indulge ourselves in some form of fiction. And like adults, we should be able to express our disappointment, feel our sadness until it runs its course, and move on to the next thing. But to expect a cable network to re-shoot something that cost them millions just because of all the mopey fans is ludicrous.

Much like those whiny man-children who spent a year complaining about “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” because it subverted expectations, the GOT fans need to learn a little thing called acceptance of the things they cannot change.

It’s just a TV show, people.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have Endgame fan fiction to finish!

A First Impression Review of "Star Wars: Rogue One"

Two days after "Rogue One" opened, I submitted this review to a movie site I used to write for. Three weeks later it still sat unacknowledged and unpublished, so I removed it and am  publishing it here instead. Please keep in mind these are my initial reactions to the movie and I am planning to go back and see it a second time. This is the first "Star Wars" film I haven't seen more than once within nearly a month of its release, so it should be obvious I was underwhelmed.

A second, likely shorter review, will follow this one once I've given it a second chance.

Review:

Ever since George Lucas sold the Star Wars franchise to Disney for a, in retrospect, ridiculously low sum of $4 billion, equal amounts of fans cried foul and raised their glasses in celebration. What would the House of Mouse do to the beloved space fantasy franchise. Would it be the savior for those who disliked the prequels or would it take a concept that was specific to its creator and start churning out by-the-numbers films every so often?

 

We are now two movies in to the Disney Era and it’s still too soon to answer that question. What we do know is there has been a successful saga relaunch in the form of Episode VII and a stand-alone adventure that appears poised to once again make gobs of money at the box office.  At this point, it’s a built-in moneymaker.  But is it any good?

 

Well, yes. And no.

 

The elements are certainly all there.  The film takes place between Episodes III and IV, at the very end of that twenty-year period where Emperor Palpatine is cementing his hold on the galaxy with the help of his physically and emotionally damaged apprentice Darth Vader.  This is the story of how the Rebellion got ahold of the Death Star plans, eventually succeeding in blowing it to hell and showing the galaxy they meant business.

 

It’s a story many Star Wars fans wanted told.  And in this era of nobody seeming to believe there should be any mystery in life and that every moment and nuance needs to be expanded upon, this was a wise move on Disney’s part regarding launching a stand-alone series of movies.  It’s also painfully unnecessary.

 

Because “Rogue One” isn’t a story that had to be told, it feels suspiciously like fan fiction.  Certainly there’s a different tone to this one; it’s a war movie featuring the requisite disposable characters based around a deadly, hopeless mission that will change the tide of the war. The stakes are suitably high, the battles are executed with great skill and the dialogue is serviceable without being memorable.  So, why isn’t it a better movie?

 

Story- Tony Gilroy who write the first two Jason Bourne movies as well as the stand-alone The Bourne Legacy has never been known for his breakneck pacing. He also tends to take long, unnecessary side-trips in his narratives. And while he is one of two writers of Rogue One’s screenplay, his earmarks are all over it. Thus we get a story that is somehow plodding yet moves too quickly without ever establishing motivations beyond the superficial needs of the Rebellion and the Empire and the supposed main character Jyn Erso (more on her later).

 

Directing- There’s no other way to put this now that he’s been given three chances to prove himself: Gareth Edwards is a sub-par director. He frames his shots well enough, although he tends to have an over-reliance on close-ups during scenes where a larger scope would be more effective. His major fault lies with the performances he gets from his actors. In a word, they’re terrible. Nobody expects Edwards to be a Kubrick or Ridley Scott-type director tormenting his actors with take after take, but Edwards’ takes seem almost Ed Wood-like in the settling that takes place. He also has a rare talent for taking what should be the most exciting portion of a film and rendering it about as interesting as watching C-Span.

 

Casting and Acting- There’s a lot of online chatter about the quality of acting in the Star Wars movies, especially the prequels. However, since this is a completely different type of film in the franchise, it’s fair to judge the acting in it without comparing it to the other Saga films. Felicity Jones is Jyn Erso, the daughter of the scientist whose work and research helped make the Death Star operational. She is supposedly a tough, take-no-crap orphan who was rescued by a militant rebel extremist named Saw Gerra (Forrest Whitaker). Jones is unconvincing and unlikable in the role and never once does it seem like she’s there for anything expect to collect a paycheck. Whitaker is just weird and off-putting. Deigo Luna is flat and uninteresting as Captain Andor, Riz Ahmed is laughably unconvincing as the defecting Imperial with no motivation ever explained, Alan Tudyk as the voice of K-2SO has insured that Jar Jar Binks can no longer be called the most annoying franchise character and Donnie Yen and Jiang Wen steal the show. Basically, with two exceptions, the main rebels stink.

Ben Mendelsohn as Director  Orson Krennic is a wonderful Imperial villain. Mads Mikkelson is utterly wasted as Galen Erso, but that’s clearly an editing issue.

 

Characters- One thing Star Wars movies have always done well is give us characters we care about. Until now. This particular band of doomed rebels is about as interesting as watching Whiteout dry. This is probably the best example of the lazy filmmaking on display here. Obviously it’s assumed that the concept overrides the characters, so even in a film populated by clichés and dullards, the viewer is so consumed with how those Death Star plans were obtained that we’ll all be riveted.

 

Saga Tie-ins- This film is easily the one most filled with fanboy porn. There are more Episode IV cameos than one should expect, from a decidedly creepy Peter Cushing to all the pilots from the original to a certain main character whose CGI appearance at the end if bizarre and jarring. Darth Vader is on hand, although criminally under-utilized, and his appearance adds more bafflement to the story than it clears up. Still one cannot deny the utter coolness of his final scene in the movie.

 

Third Act- Disney demanded some reshoots of this film and it shows. The third act, which should have been a smaller, guerilla warfare conclusion, turns into one of the largest space battles in the franchise’s history. Why is that a huge miscalculation?

 

Inconsistencies- Simply put, this movie goes too big. It should have never been a film with a huge climatic battle sequence. This was supposed to be about a small tactical group of rebels ready to die in service of their cause. Instead, years of Star Wars history is reversed as we suddenly realize there was a pretty sizable rebel fleet before Episode IV. This renders the whole concept of there never having been much of a rebellion until after the destruction of the Death Star meaningless. Not to mention the pedestrian way the whole thing is dealt with at the end of the film. More lazy filmmaking on display. Also, there’s the issue of the prequel-level skillset of Darth Vader on display that is suddenly absent in Episode IV and the inclusion of Mon Mothma who is nowhere to be found during the Battle of Yavin.

 

Ultimately, “Rogue One” is a mediocre side-trip into the Star Wars universe that feels more like watching someone play a video game than a film with any dramatic stakes or relatable moments. It cements Gareth Edwards as a journeyman version of Chris Nolan and reminds us that what makes these movies work isn’t just a bunch of nifty ideas.

An Intelligent Response to the Moronic White Supremacist Call to Boycott Star Wars Rogue One

The history of science fiction, as a genre, has always held within it a firm and total denouncement of xenophobia and bigotry, and a boundless optimism for a pluralistic universe of possibilities.

Whether it is the extreme pluralism presented in the Star Wars universe, or the quasi-utopia of the Federation in Star Trek, or the much more blatant and outright denouncement of ultra-nationalism and fascism presented in Babylon 5, nearly every major science fiction narrative presents a denouncement against hate and those who use hate and fear as a means for accumulating power. None of this even begins to mention the history of Doctor Who as a political platform, or the works of Heinlein or Frank Herbert.

I've not yet seen Rogue One, but given the history of political undertones present in hints throughout the original trilogy, and placed front-and-center in the prequels, I wouldn't be surprised if this narrative continues here.

If those who exploit ignorance, hate and fear to justify and perpetuate their greed happen find themselves being called out in this film, or in any other, perhaps they should take a good long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves why.

- Scott Mulder