The Best Comment I've Seen About Bill Maher so far

This one came from an comment on social media but it perfectly puts into perspective how comics fans should regard Bill Maher's insipid comments about the form:

"He's a pot head drug addict who bangs strippers looking down on people who find entertainment, comfort...escape...in ways that don't harm themselves or others"

Without Further Ado, I Present the Blog that the World Doesn't Know it's Been Waiting For!!!

There was a delay but things seem to be moving forward in a relatively positive direction now, so the first post on the new blog is up and ready for your evisceration!

We wound up not starting with the Spider-Man animated film so don't be too disappointed!

Click here to immerse yourselves in the gooey goodness!

Two Pop Culture Things that are Annoying me at the Moment

Every so often, something occurs in the genre sub-culture that reminds me I work way too hard for way too little. This week, thanks to finally watching a TV series on DVD that premiered a year ago, I wound up with two things rightly pissing me off instead of just one, which is my weekly average.

I'll start with the less offensive one because even though it's moronic and awful, it lacks the personal connection I require to really throw up in my mouth.

I'm not what one would consider a Trekkie. My mom was one of the original ones, but I grew up on "Star Wars," which basically became the blueprint for my life along with comic books. It wasn't until the first "Star Trek" movie was released that I realized this old, cheesy-looking show had more going on than I'd thought. I loved the movies and became much more appreciative of the original series because of them. I also enjoyed "The Next Generation" despite creator Gene Roddenberry's bizarre, L Ron Hubbard-esque approach to the franchise. Watch the documentary Chaos on the Bridge to find out just how batshit crazy he'd gone. Still, the show got better and I enjoyed the films it spawned as well.

Then "Deep Space Nine" turned out to be a giant turd and no series after it was watchable to me. Besides, the vastly superior "Babylon 5" had shown what a laughably naive vision Roddenberry's was. The franchise went into hibernation after the abortion called "Enterprise" went off the air a year earlier. I felt it was time for it to die but JJ Abrams revived it with his enjoyable alternate timeline films. Now there is another series that supposedly takes place in the original timeline and it is, quite possibly, the worst one yet.

The acting makes the early TNG days look Oscar worthy. The so-called "Klingons" speak phonetically as if being fed lines. The main character is an arrogant, unlikable Mary Sue who is also somehow inept. The effects work looks like a bad early 2000s video game and once again everything looks too advanced to be taking place prior to the Kirk and Spock years. This article goes into greater detail than I think the show deserves.

Bottom line: Aside from the "Kelvin Timeline," the Star Trek franchise has nothing left to say and needs to go back to sleep. It's become a shameless parody of itself.

If that sounded angry, you either don't know me or you should probably avoid this next part. I can't promise there won't be swears a'plenty!

First off, take a look at this:

That's right. Much like the STD that refuses to be cured, Rob "What's Human Anatomy" Liefeld has once again decided to spray his venom all over the Marvel Universe. It isn't bad enough that he gave us the most annoying character in comics history, namely Deadpool. It isn't enough that he didn't even create the definitive version of that crappy character yet takes credit in the noble tradition of Bob Kane of Batman fame.  Easily one of the most hated comic artists in, well, ever, Liefeld's total disregard for practical physics and anatomy under the hilarious pretense of stylistic choice is the reason most people despise him. Well, that and his cocky, self-entitled attitude.

As a writer, however, I despise him because he thinks he can write and he sucks as a visual artist. Entire pages have been devoted to his lack of talent. For example, click here and here.

Here is Liefeld's description of the character and his origin:

“When we were coming up with the team, I said look, back in 1991 I was jamming with two guys: Jim Lee on X-Men and Whilce Portacio on Uncanny X-Men. We were the three engines running that office in the early ‘90s when all the launches happened,” Liefeld says. “So I just reached out and said Whilce, I’m having a party, it’s called Major X, could you join? I sent him the plot, and we got him for a key chapter in the story. I’m a giant Whilce Portacio fan, fans were jamming on him and the stuff he was doing on Uncanny in the ’90s, and when he sent the pages, I could not be more thrilled. It’s 1991 again, I’m jamming with Whilce, we’re making X-Men comics. It’s myself, Brent Peeples, and Whilce. We are handling the art. I’m the bookends, and then Brent and Whilce are the middle chapters. There’s a pride of ownership when you go this is my team, we’re gonna introduce Major X and these new concepts. Marvel gave me six issues to tell the story, and I’ve seen three so far. It’s explosive, it’s jam-packed.”

Leaving the aside the ridiculous hipster-laden speech pattern, what really grinds my nuts is Liefeld's obvious total lack of growth. This guy had over two decades to mature and improve and all he could come up with is a thinly conceived character that's an obvious mish mash of Cable and Bishop with alternate universe theory switched out for time travel? And the character looks like the abandoned love-child of Boba Fett and Deadpool. Naturally, he has the requisite square-barreled handguns that probably never need to be reloaded and the samurai sword because...who the hell knows?

Then there's the ridiculous concept that sounds like an early draft of the New Universe character Justice. An entire universe of nothing but mutants? Seriously? What the fuckety fuck!? Does he not realize that they're no longer mutants if they're the only thing that exists? And where the hell is the dramatic tension? Why would we care if he wants to bring his universe back to life? And what is with that goddam sword on his back!?

ARGH! 

This is the kind of hackery that gets rewarded. Liefeld was just about the highest paid comic artist at one time yet almost no one can say why. Even Todd MacFarlane realized he needed to concede his writing duties to someone more qualified.

Someone very important to me recently said I needed to lower my standards so I would be delighted when I saw things. Well, I am delighted when I see things: GOOD things. They do exist. For every Liefeld, there's a Brian Michael Bendis or Geoff Johns. But I have to work way too hard just to get the small opportunities I get to sit back with lowered standards while marginally talented assclowns keep puking their half-digested horseshit into the mainstream.

Okay, rants over.

Gonna go lie down now.

Pre-Order your copy of "Deadly Bargain" NOW!!!

The  Kindle edition of "Deadly Bargain: A Colors in Darkness Anthology" is now available on Amazon for pre-order. The rule for this one was simple, so of course I almost didn't do it correctly. Basically, the stories needed to involve a bargain struck with a stranger that turns out badly for the protagonist. In other words, just enough detail but not so much that the act of creation becomes an act of constriction.

However, it wasn't until I was three-quarters of the way finished that I realized I'd missed one final detail: The bargain supplier had to be the same guy in every story. Normally that wouldn't be a problem if not for that fact that my contrary ass (apparently even on an unconscious level) had created a character who could not have been more opposite in appearance and national origin.

In a flash of inspiration (or desperation, if you prefer) I came up with a solution to what turned out to be a tiny problem. The point being made about hatred of the other carried even more weight now and, because I despise preachy fiction, I chose not to dwell on it for longer than a few sentences. What resulted was a story I consider one of the better ones I've written in the past year, my so-called "comeback" period.

Click here to learn more!

Brief Hiatus.

Come down off the ceiling, dear readers. The above post title is not in reference to this blog. It's in reference to the new one which can be viewed by clicking here.

Due to personal issues that would cause a lesser man to curl up in a ball in the corner of his bedroom and weep while singing a sad Irish ballad, my co-blogger is unable to fulfill his duties as snarky pop culture commentator...for the moment.

Rest assured all the crap with which he is dealing will be resolved soon and the page will be up and running.

Until then, here's a picture of a guy who loves himself a little too much for your entertainment pleasure:

The Something I Warned You About

 A few days ago, I mentioned something new coming in 2019. Well, click here to see it in all its anticlimactic glory!

Who knows if it will last? Who know if anyone will care? Who knows if we have the attention spans to sustain it? Only time will tell.


(And yes, Tim, guest reviews will be included at some point)

Publishing Update.

Despite 2019 getting off to a rocky start, there has been some positivity peaking through the darkness. The Colors in Darkness anthology "Deadly Bargain" pictured above is well on track to being released. I just emailed off the requested edits, of which I can proudly and cockily say there were only three minor ones.

Also on its way in the next couple months is a non-fiction piece collected in a specialty book. I've been asked to wait until this coming Monday to reveal more info. Most of you probably won't care because of how specialized it is but it's a big deal to me.

I have plenty of stuff out there being scrutinized and I'll be sure to share those outcomes as well.

Something New is Coming in 2019

Without revealing too much, a new type of blog featuring me and one other person is on its way. I won't reveal its nature just yet but once it's up and running, nobody who knows either one of us should be surprised. It's something we've been talking about for years and we finally decided to make a go of it.

I have done a similar blog before but this one has a different approach.

Check back in a few days for more info and, most likely, a link!

<---- These people are waiting with bated breath!

An Anthology I Overlooked.

I'm sure I mentioned this anthology at the time but, until earlier today, I'd not only forgotten about it but had also somehow neglected to add it to my Amazon author page.I have submitted the info to them so that error should be rectified soon. In the meantime, if you're interested, feel free to click here to learn more.

 It was published in 2013 and features two of my short stories that were originally published in separate collections put out by the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers. The stories are "Rosa, Rosa Come out of your Room" and "Across the Pond." The latter was reprinted in the charity anthology "The Ripple Effect".

Nine Things Social Networking Taught me that I Never Knew Before

Despite all the bemoaning of social networking and its various evils, one cannot deny its ability to inform and educate. I believe this happens in spite of itself but it still happens anyway. I freely admit the ten things below are things of which I was blissfully and perhaps tragically ignorant until I started "meeting" all the people on Facebook and Blogger (I despise Twitter and Snapchat).

If anyone is offended by this list, I am sorry you're so full of yourselves. If anyone isn't offended. I haven't done my job. The list, as always, follows:

• There are actually intelligent, in many cases highly educated, individuals who were headbangers, i.e. metal-heads.
• Some people literally only exist to advocate for one cause and have no apparent interests outside of it.
• Genre fandom is filled with some of the absolute lowest forms of hateful, arrogant, judgmental sub-human life.
• People who indulge in "Cosplay" are really, really, super serious about it! Like...really serious. Yeah...
• The world of videogamers is rife with sexist assholes.
• There either truly are people who believe thoughts and prayers can mitigate horrible tragedies or else people are so incredibly self-absorbed that they feel a simple sentence is all they need to contribute to the human condition.
• The more individualistic a person claims to be, the more they're looking for someone to tell them what to think.
• Millions of how people have no idea how to properly vet and disseminate information but they seem more than willing to allow someone else to do it for them as long as it makes them feel righteous.
• Many people see correct grammar and punctuation as an inconvenient formality rather than a necessity.
  
  You may notice I chose not to qualify any of my points. I feel they stand alone well enough and, frankly, I don't feel the need to explain myself.  However, I am interested in what others think so share away~

Ten Common Misconceptions About Libraries

Having now worked in three libraries (four if you count the other branch of one of them) I feel qualified to present a list like this. The misconceptions manifest themselves not only from the patrons who come in and out but also the new hires who have an entirely incorrect view of what working for a library will be like. The list is in no particular order of importance and is certainly not at all comprehensive.

]Trust me, for every item I include, I have left out an average of two more.

The list follows:

• Libraries are quiet places where Librarians will "shush" you if you get too loud- Not anymore. Libraries transformed about twenty years ago into often bustling but rarely totally quiet gathering places with quiet areas. Also, Librarians shushing has become a rarity because so many people nowadays don't think they should be told what to do and are ready to fight about it.
• Nobody really goes to libraries anymore- Are you enjoying your trip to the Nineties? When you get back, take a trip to an average library located in a city or town with a significant population and tell me how many people you see. Assuming you can make it around all the people standing in the lobby yelling into their cell phones and setting off the alarm with items that weren't checked out properly. Each library I work for averages hundreds of people per day.
• You basically get to sit around and read until someone comes up and asks you a question- Here's a challenge: Apply for a job at a library that isn't staffed with five people in a tiny town and tell me how that works out for you. There may be times when you are actually uninterrupted. Cherish those times. They aren't going to happen often. 
• All you do all day is hand people books and update their library cards, right? If you're lucky! (You're never lucky, by the way) The intricate workings of libraries are known only to a select few. When an outsider learns of them, we must kill them lest people find out what we really do to keep these places operational. Happy borrowing! MUUUU HAAA HAAA HAAA!
• Everybody who works at a library is a Librarian- This one is true because everyone who works at a hospital is also a doctor. Actually, Librarians tend to constitute anywhere from half to a quarter of the staff. Depending on the library, some of those people serving in Librarian capacities aren't Librarians at all. But the kindly, beleaguered folks at the Circulation Desk (like me) most definitely are not. Imagine a law firm where everyone was a lawyer! What would get done? Bickering and a whole lot of, "I didn't go to school to" speeches. Wait. Maybe everybody is a Librarian!
• Libraries get all their loaning materials through donations so we shouldn't have to pay for them if we don't return them because they were free in the first place- This is a misconception even I had at one time. Not the latter but definitely the former. And while it is true that a tiny portion of a library's collection comes from donations, the majority of it comes from the same method you would use: Cash money, y'all! Each department is allocated a budget to order materials throughout the year, so when you vote against that millage renewal or increase, don't moan when the new Fast and Furious movie isn't available.
• I can walk into any library and get a library card- This is a regional issue. On the West Coast the libraries tend to all be connected, meaning one card works in the entire state. Where I live, however, that is not the case at all. You have to obtain your library card in the city you pay your property taxes attend school or work. 
• If I use a self-checkout machine, I will put someone out of work- Absolutely not! Please use a self-checkout machine! Not only does it cut down on the lines (which are often long in direct contradiction to the second misconception) but it frees those of us in Circulation to get other tasks done, including those that take longer than a few seconds per patron.
• I can watch porn on a library computer and they're ain't nuttin' they can do to me, see!- Nope. Okay, kinda. Here's how it works. You can't technically be kicked out of the library for watching pornography, but if
  someone complains, including an employee, you're out the door. Usually this comes with a limited-time suspension with an option to be kicked out for longer and even for good if you do it again. For Christ's sake, get a Smartphone!
• Libraries are sustained by my taxes- Sure, why not? That hundred bucks a year from each household can easily sustain the salaries, technological requirements and materials ordering of your typical library. There's even change left over to buy everybody a new car. Seriously? Do I even need to point out how wrong that is? Libraries are sustained by a combination of federal funds (the current president is trying very hard to eliminate this) donations, grants, millage tax and a host of other sources and methods. Your small contribution is appreciated and necessary but it isn't enough to keep libraries open.

Again, this list if mostly off the top of my head. It's also from a Circulation Department person's perspective, which I feel has been woefully underrepresented.