ONE LAME SEMINAR or, WHY I MISS THE NINETIES...

My public library is currently featuring an astronomical exhibit. I attended the opening night ceremony a few weeks ago which showcased middle school kids playing science fiction themed orchestral pieces and a self-described “history teller” doing a presentation on Galileo. While there, I glanced through the brochure and saw an upcoming seminar entitled, “Are UFO’s real?”

Let’s examine that question for a moment, shall we? The very phrasing of it is idiotic because it pre-supposes that there is no such thing as an unidentified object flying through the air. In other words, if you see something flying and don’t know what it is and nobody is aware of it being there it’s not real. Good to know. Call me crazy, but I might have called it “Are Flying Saucers Real?” since that’s what the average person thinks UFO means.

Still, the one-hour presentation was being run by a man who had been connected to the government-sponsored investigations into claims of saucer sightings in the 1970’s and 1980’s, so my interest was certainly piqued. On top of those credentials, he also worked at the local planetarium, a place I’ve been trying without success to locate for the better part of a decade. I figured at most it would be an interesting way to spend an hour on a Saturday afternoon.

I was wrong.

I was also about fifteen minutes late because I was watching the excellent film, “Frost vs. Nixon” and didn’t want to pause it and lose the flow. By the time I made it into the auditorium, the presenter was already deeply into his presentation…about the planets. Frowning, I sat near the back and took note of the tiny audience. There were lots of kids in the room, all of them fidgeting and making weird noises. To my right sat an intense black man with a handful of borrowed “Lost” DVD’s. On the other side sat another man providing his rapt attention and a second representative from the planetarium who interjected once in a while.

Within minutes, the presenter had displayed the planets of the solar system, and peppered the photos with obviously fake “UFO” pictures which he then pointed out were fake. His sad attempts at humor involved showing a planet or series of stars, then a fake flying saucer and cracking a half-assed one-liner meant to sound as if he’d spotted an alien spacecraft in the middle of the presentation to the sound of nervous chuckling.

I realize the presence of children automatically dumbs down the subject matter these days since the current crop of parents believes kids must be talked down to instead of made to understand adult concepts, so I wasn’t expecting greatness. I was, however, expecting a so-called man of science to be a little less condescending toward the subject of the possibility that at least a small percentage of unexplained sightings could possibly be alien spacecraft.

Instead, it became increasingly apparent that he was there to pimp the planetarium. (I can’t believe I even wrote that phrase but I really hope it catches on with the pop culture.) Even part of the presentation involved him showing us a Goggle satellite photo of the place from the sky and repeatedly showing everyone how to get there by car. What this had to with whether or not UFO’s are real is anyone’s guess.

Even more annoying than the presenter’s tendencies towards stupid humor to deemphasize the subject matter was his lack of willingness to discuss it when people asked him questions! I can’t imagine being asked to talk about writing and then brushing off a question related to why I prefer present tense narrative, yet that is the equivalent of what he did.

I was not at all surprised to hear about his connection to SETI, the rabidly anti-UFO organization that believes searching for repeating frequencies in the vastness of space is the way we’re going to locate new life and new civilizations.

The intense and very well-spoke gentleman to my right asked him about Planet X, which is the theorized tenth plant located on the other side of our sun according to some alternative researchers such as David Icke. The presenter brushed that off with vague references to the sun’s behavior as definitive proof of no tenth planet, although he admitted that the asteroid field between Mars and Jupiter might have been a planet at once time. When the man asked him why aliens would want this planet in particular, he replied with a stunningly bland, “I don’t know. We don’t know.” That became his mantra for the rest of the time.

The man left a few moments later. Ironically, a lady sitting up front decided to piggyback off his point and continue the discussion about why aliens would want to come here. The other planetarium employee said our water content alone would be reason enough. He should have run the damned thing!

The presenter somehow worked everything back to the size and scale of the universe; all fascinating stuff but not at all what was described in the pamphlet. I left in a disappointed daze, reflecting on how much better this type of thing would have been in the Nineties. As far as I was concerned, this guy had a twofold agenda: Pimp the planetarium, and gloss over the concept of UFO’s as alien piloted spacecraft with stupid jokes and lots of “I don’t know” level commentary. He accomplished both missions.

I, on the other hand, simply wasted an hour of my day.

At least it was free~

IT'S OFFICIAL! MY NOVEL ROCKS!

At least, according to this lovely lady!

http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524

SFRevu Review

SFRevu Review

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Click the link above to see my novel "Dreamers at Infinity's Core" awaiting review.

LITERARY QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

“It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future.”

-Sara Palin,

Former Governor of Alaska

Challenge Accepted!

My colleague and friend Nora Cook Smith posted a challenge to writers on her blog
(noracooksmith.blogspot.com) to do the following:


I went to the dictionary and picked ten words at random. You should be able to tell this just by looking at the list. Here's the challenge. Try writing a one-paragraph short story involving at least 5 of the words on the list. You can pluralize, change tense, etc. as long as the root word remains. Feel free to post

*Morph
Senile
Deport
Thermomotor
*Forage
*Stimulant
Conventional
Apocryphal
*Waiting
*Overwork

OK, here goes and don't say I didn't warn ya:

I grew tired of waiting for the creature to answer my questions and stormed down the basement stairs. As I threw open the cellar door and peered inside, my eyes adjusting to the darkness, I wondered not for the first time if I'd started to overwork the wretched goddam thing. After all, I'd been the one to convince it not to forage for sustenance anymore and to come stay with me so that I could provide its "food." Its glowing yellow eyes stared back at me from the thick darkness of the cellar without blinking, a direct result of the stimulant effect of what it needed to consume for its surival. With a light sigh, I yanked on the string above my head, bathing the cellar in sudden light which caused the creature to instantly morph into something far more acceptable to the human eye...

Well, that was a fun five-minute exercise. Feel free to copy the instructions and try your hand at it!

***BOOK SIGNING***

I will be singing copies of "Dreamers at Infinity's Core" at the following venue:


Saturday, July 11, 2009
Time:
10:00am - 7:00pm
Location:
City Sports Center In the heart of Greektown
Street:
3401 E. Lafayette
Detroit, MI.

So, if you live locally come on by. I am not the only "attraction" to be found at this thing. In fact, we might have to temporarily rename this particular section of Detroit "geektown" considering the amount of unadulterated fanboy-dom that is expected to show up!

Hope to see you there!

GETTIN' BY WITH A LIL' HELP FROM MY FB FRIENDS...

For those who may not know or even care, I’ve begun working on a new novel with the working title of “The List.” It may turn out to be the first interactive novel I’ve ever written.

What do I mean by “interactive?” Are tiny underpants gnomes providing me with plot points and ideas for character development? Well, yes but that’s not the only thing I mean.

Thanks to social networking sites, seeking input has never been easier or more immediate. Whereas before I might have to wait up to two weeks for my next writers workshop to float some ideas around or ask for input on where a particular chapter should go next, now all I have to do it post a “mood” and people respond to it.

For example, the other day I found myself writing a scene where the protagonist decides to help out his friend’s sister by having a word with the loan shark who’s been strong-arming her. The question that came to mind as I was writing this was: How violent should I make this? The tone of the novel is rather dark and there are a few moments of gruesome violence but would this scene pull the reader out of the dark fantasy element?

I posted my question on Facebook and within minutes the responses started pouring in. Some felt there should be a methodical torture scene because those are more dramatic; others felt it should be a quick kill, which I kind of liked as well. Nobody seemed to favor a shoot-out scene, which would surely cause extreme rage in my friend Al. It helps to have a mixture of writers, editors and good old-fashioned readers in a Facebook Friends list because what results is a variety of mostly useful opinions.

Ironically, as I started writing the scene, it took on a life of its own and started moving into a slightly comedic direction. Still, the different viewpoints bounced around inside me noggin and I realized there were some elements of the advice I’d received that would work really well. After all, what’s more jarring than an amusing moment suddenly turning deadly serious? And since my protagonist is a little more powerful than your average human being, would he not have a different method for dealing with scum?

Thanks to a group of people listed as “friends” on a website I joined, only some of whom I know or have met personally, my head was cleared enough to write what was proving to be a difficult part of as novel that has been coming along alarmingly easily.

I have a feeling my acknowledgements page is going to be interesting this time~

what he MIGHT have said

New Scientist Magazine is currently running a contest seeking submissions from people interested in re-writing moon landing history. The only requirement is that the author of the quote or quotes come up with something memorable for Neil Armstrong's famous speech from the lunar surface in place of his "One small step for man" quote.

I heard about this contest from a Facebook friend who posted his own submission there. I thought I'd do the same here, since I literally just sent mine off.

Neil Armstrong quotes (What he might have said):

“That’s one small step for man, one giant…Oh, Zsa Zsa says “’hi.’”

“Hello from the moon…that boom mike was there when we landed!”

“All those billions to find out this place isn’t made of edible cheese!”

“Hey, Joe! Up here even a lard-ass like you would be weightless!”

“I don’t want to alarm anyone but there are Republicans here.”

“Okay, let’s start unloading the nukes and aiming them for the Soviet…Is this thing on???”

“I never wanted to be an astronaut, I was more interested in floral design but my father was so very, very cruel…anyway, there it is, a big lifeless rock. Check, please!”

“I came up with a song about the Dark Side of the moon I’m gonna write when I get back to Earth. Nobody better steal my idea!”

“Looks like we finally found that storage area for hippy agitators!”

If you're interested, you can send your own submissions to:
feedback@newscientist.com

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: DON DELILLO

The writing of Don DeLillo amazes me. I don’t say or write that often but it does.

A darling of the literary world, he may not be as well known as he should be among mainstream fiction readers. His books sell well but they aren’t sensationalistic or daring in a carnival-like attention grabbing sense.

Instead, he tends to write from the internal world, where many readers have no interest in journeying. Much like a poet, DeLillo delves deeply into the hidden revelations that are always present around us but rarely seen. His novels tend to present the world as a realm of alienation and desperation, where human experience is increasingly becoming less meaningful as technology and distance separate us from the core of our reality.

The easy way to dismiss the fact that he isn’t a household name is to say his writing isn’t for everybody. That statement does a disservice to not only the writer but also potential readers. While it may be true that the average person reads for sheer escapism, I tend to think that’s because they haven’t been taught to do anything else. Americans live in a pop culture defined by popularity and readily accessible, disposable media experiences. Pausing to think is often frowned upon, as it tends to interfere with the bottom line.

What corporations want people to start questioning the isolated aspects of suburban life and consumerism? The only time they might is when they’re marketing corporate-sponsored “rebellion” to teenagers in the forms of popular music and fashion. But adults are supposed to be discouraged from questioning their environments. Adults are supposed to muddle through life without wondering why and take the occasional break for pure escapist fun.

Nothing wrong with escapism. Human beings need to escape from time to time. What is wrong, however, is the marginalization of freedom of expression. What results after several generations of such repressiveness is the world so often portrayed in DeLillo’s work. It should come as no surprise that he was drawn to Lee Harvey Oswald’s story when he wrote “Libra.” That book was part of the basis for the Oliver Stone film, “JFK.”

There are those who feel literature should portray likable characters that make them care what happens. While it is certainly valid to want to like the subject of care, it is sometimes far more interesting to follow the exploits of someone you wouldn’t necessarily want to know in real life. A good example of this “Cosmopolis.”

Focusing on a day in he life of a self-made dot.com type billionaire, Cosmopolis is a surrealist’s foray into self-awareness and painful epiphany. As with much of DeLillo’s work, there is a pervasive disconnect between the subject and the reader. The same theme can be found in his seminal “White Noise.”

DeLillo is an acquired taste in our cookie-cutter happy ending world but one well worth investing in~

Recommended DeLillo Reading List:
White Noise
The Body Artist
Libra
Cosmopolis
Falling Man

MY FAVORITE JOKE:

God, I wish I could remember the name of the comedian who told this joke but it's been so long since I saw him perform it on TV that I truly have no idea. However, I do remember the basics of the joke and why it has stuck with me all these years. To paraphrase:

The comedian was doing a show in the deep south and decided to go to one of those waffle houses they seem to love so much for breakfast. The "waffle waitress" as he referred to her took his order and he started reading a book he'd brought.

"Lookit him," someone in he restaurant said. "He's got him a book!"

Someone else stood up, hands on hips, and said, "Looks like we got us a reader."

Baffled, the comedian gazed about the room as the waffle waitress returned with his coffee and stared at him with squinty eyes. "What'choo readin' a book fer?" she asked.

The comedian shrugged. "I don't know...so I won't have to become a waffle waitress!"

MY NOVEL "DREAMERS AT INFINITY'S CORE"

Prominently displayed at the Ann Arbor, MI. book festival. The novel is now offically out but it will be a few weeks before copies can be ordered by the general public.

I have a few copies for friends & family & am very pleased with the way it turned out~